Connection Kuel Category Expert: Kay Newton
Are you about to meet someone romantically, socially or professionally for the first time? Or are you going to reconnect with someone you have known for many years? Will it be on-line or in person? Whoever/however you are about to connect, there is always something you can do to strengthen the relationship.
Below are ten steps you can take at any time to keep any relationship on track. See what resonates with you and then jump straight in and put it to use.
1. Update Your Listening Skills
If you do not read any more of the article, take this one to heart and use it always. Connection means conversation and more importantly, how to listen to the other person. To do this, you have to stop what you are doing and look them in the eye.
Use all your senses to listen. Attempt not to have the answer already formulated in your mind before you do speak. If you are unsure of anything they say, ask them or repeat back to them what they have just said. Finally, and this is a hard one, never interrupt before they finish speaking. If you do, it means you have added your program and their thoughts are irrelevant.
2. Put Dates In Your Diary
Connections always require follow-up. The best way to do this is to put a note in a diary and then reach out. A great way to remember is to let them know at the end of the conversation. Then keep your word.
Your diary is also great for remembering significant dates: wedding anniversaries and birthdays. Create regular reminders for date night, coffee, lunch etc. Any notebook will do, yet physical works better than virtual. It does not have to be expensive, just handy and used.
If you come across something that you know will interest them, for example, a magazine article, new recipe, song, use this to reconnect. It is fabulous to start another conversation.
3. Use The Five Love Languages
Do you know which ‘Love Language’ the other person uses? Gary Chapman’s book, written in 1992 is a must-have for intensifying connections. Everyone on the planet falls into one or a mix of the categories below. It is just a matter of listening to the words they use in everyday language and then observing how they interact with their surroundings.
- Words of Affirmation – They like to know they are loved verbally or in writing.
- Quality Time – They prefer to spend time with you more than any gift.
- Receiving Gifts – They love a physical gift, in any form.
- Acts of Service – They appreciate things that you do for them.
- Physical Touch – They feel happiest with a hug or kiss.
4. It Is Never About You
If you have an ulterior motive for the connection, expect it to bite you on the bum! Yes, we do have intentions for making connections yet make sure it is never about you first. Be super interested in the other person without having any expectations. For example, do not expect they will get in touch with you. Take the lead, do not wait, yet at the same time, do not force.
Remember that people will always come and go. Nothing lasts forever – you are the only one you will spend your whole life with.
5. Be You – Everyone Else is Taken
With any connection, presume that no one is a mind-reader! Just be you. Have the courage to be you and ask for what you want. Honesty is the key in any relationship, always speak from the heart with no regrets.
Leave nothing important unsaid yet refrain from starting deep conversations before bed if you wish to sleep! Truth creates connection, and silence creates distance.
6. No Blame, Judgement or Criticism
A hard one, yet the world, will be a better place if we all took a little more time with this. If you feel as if the other person is to blame, look in the mirror first. You cannot judge another person unless you walk in their shoes – always. To express disapproval or criticize someone else creates negative energy.
Before speaking, spend time thinking about what you want to say, breathe deeply, and always come from a place of love. If you cannot do love, there is another alternative, do not say anything.
Whether you have hurt someone accidentally or otherwise it is always better to fess up. By making a stand, you are telling the other person that what happened is out of character for you and you will never do it again. It helps repair the connection and allows the other party to feel comfortable to be with you.
8. Be spontaneous
Laughter, fun and spontaneity are the magic in any connection. Buy flowers for a work colleague you know is going through a tough time. Write a note of thanks or a reference for someone who deserves praise. Do it because you can. When you listen to your gut instinct and add impulse, you create unforgettable memories.
Recently hubby and I ordered drinks at a cafe. The waitress brought my drink and an empty glass, forgetting the beer for my very thirsty partner. Instead of getting angry, he said, “Wow, looks as if this will be my first virtual beer!” Laughter ensued and then a conversation. Now we have a favourite stop-off point on our next shopping expedition – Simple.
9. Give Them And Yourself Space
No one is meant to be with you 24/7. Take time out regularly. Have separate friends, interests and hobbies. There are no excuses, even in times of Covid19 Lockdown, a spare bedroom or garden can be your space. (I am writing this article sitting in the bedroom with the door closed, this is my sanctuary until I open the door again). It is not healthy to be inside each other’s pockets all the time.
10. Feel Worthy
Always feel worthy of the relationship. Listen to what you want on an intuitive level. A relationship is not what others tell you or what you think/feel they want you to do. As soon as you feel inferior or superior, you damage the connection. We are all interconnected and one with the planet.
I am curious to know how you get on, why not leave a comment below and tell the Kuel Life readers which step resonates with you the most.
About the Author:
Kay is the founder of Midlife Strategies, an award-winning International Speaker, and enthusiastic author. She is an acknowledged expert guiding women to find their mojo, through the Midlife Squeeze.
Kay’s books include:
- ‘The Art of Midlife Stress Busting – Seven Steps to Declutter Your Mind Without Pills or Potions’
- ‘How to Clean Your Home Organically – De-Stress Your Surroundings’
- ‘Tips and Tricks For Stress-Free Downsizing – A Step by Step Guide to Moving On’
- Co-author of the six Kindle books in the ‘Quick Fix For’ series, and a contributing author to ‘Hot Women Rock’ and ‘A Journey of Riches’.
Today, Kay lives a simple life next to a beach in Mallorca, Spain. You can find Kay here: www.KayNewton.com.