Hayley Foster: The Mid-Life Pivot Leader
In less than 200 days, I will turn the big 5-0! And I can’t wait!
My 30’s were the years where I was trying to figure out this adulting thing. Biological clock was ticking and all my friends were doing the marriage thing so it felt like that was just the right next step. So I got hitched, moved from NYC to the burbs and popped out two kids. All the while commuting back and forth to NYC to run a business and wife-ing and parenting.
And then I hit 40! I truly wanted to celebrate 40 but at that time in my life, my marriage was on the brink of coming to an end and 40 didn’t feel celebratory. However, looking back, my 40’s have been my best decade ever. So far!
“Most of all, I found the love of my life. A true fairytale love story!”
Finding Myself Again:
My 40’s were when I decided to choose happy! To start finding myself again. To do the things I had stopped doing and to start doing me again. We get so caught up in caring for others during those years that we tend to lose sight of our own dreams and aspirations.
I chose to be happy! Got the hell out of a bad marriage, and not too long after, I got out of a bad business partnership. I found my true calling and started my second business, Foster Inc. I realized this is what I am truly meant to be doing each day – fostering women on their journey to living a life they love.
Most of all, I found the love of my life. A true fairytale love story!
I Found What Makes Me Happy!
40 was about ME! I found myself again, found what makes me happy and stopped giving a fuck about what others think. I was doing ME! Authentically.
“You can either dread your age, embrace it or make a decision to not let it dictate how you feel.”
And here I am, so close to 50 and super excited about what the next 10 years will bring. When people ask if I’m afraid to turn 50, my answer is Fuck No! Bring it on!
So many fear getting older and I don’t blame them. You can either dread your age, embrace it, or make a decision to not let it dictate how you feel.
Sadly, many of us don’t have elders that talked about aging in a positive way. For starters, the women that came before us mentally prepared us to DREAD getting older. I vividly remember as a 12 year old, standing in the bathroom with my mother as she rubbed Oil of Olay on her neck in an upward direction while explaining, ‘sweetheart, start as early as possible because gravity takes over and your neck is a true sign of your age’.
All The Aging Things:
And of course the conversation about the hands. Oy, the hands with the protruding veins and age spots.
And the crows feet.
The laugh lines.
The skin sagging!
All the things…..
“My biggest goal is to biologically be no older than 55 when I turn 80.”
When I turn 50 this year, my beautiful mother will be turning 80 – days before me. And I will say, she looks amazing!
I’ve got big goals for my 80th birthday and they are very different from what my mother is looking forward to for her 80th.
My biggest goal is to biologically be no older than 55 when I turn 80. How do I plan on making that happen?
Aging isn’t something we need to dread. If you keep telling yourself that ‘you’re getting old’ and you place negativity behind it, then of course you’re going to start feeling and acting old.
Have you uttered the words ‘getting old sucks!’
Entirely State Of Mind:
At some point, we all have. But what if you don’t have to get old? What if you could age backward? What if you thought of aging as a disease that you don’t want to ever catch? How you feel about your age is entirely a state of mind. So, let’s work on changing that.
Here’s what I’ve already started doing and how it’s working for me. I’m sharing this for a couple of reasons.
#1 – I hope to motivate more people to actively defy aging by changing their mindset and changing some bad habits.
“My plan is to live a long healthy life and die at the ripe old age of 125!”
#2 – If I’m going to die at the ripe old age of 125, I need some friends by my side. Did you know that for the first time ever, insurance companies have extended their policy payout age to over 100? Yep, kids being born now will live well into centennial years thanks to quantum computing and technological advances that are so close to finding ways to stop diseases.
I’m Younger Inside:
If you want to join me and need help with how to start, here’s what I can share with you:
Steps To Age Backwards:
1. Learn Your Biological Age:
I found out what my biological age is v. my chronological age. Basically, I’ve been around the sun 49 times but the cells in my body are that of a 45-year-old. YEP! I’m younger inside! And I plan on getting younger as I get older. My plan is to live a long healthy life and die at the ripe old age of 125! And I don’t plan to die of old age. I plan to die when I’m ready. Technology today is helping us to live longer better! It’s time to take advantage of that.
2. Change Your HealthCare Provider:
I no longer see a general practitioner for my health. I have moved on to Precision Health Care or Functional Medicine doctors – whatever you want to call them. What is functional medicine? It’s a practice that treats the cause, not the symptom. You test to find out what is triggering the symptom rather than cure the symptom with a pill. It’s also known as preventative care or what should actually be called ‘health care’. We don’t have a health care system in the US. We have a sick care system that puts bandaids on things rather than fixing them.
“Cardio alone is not going to help you live longer. Don’t just go for a walk or a run”
Knowledge Is Power:
3. Take Supplements:
As we get older, our bodies need help repairing themselves from the inside out. Back to my 45-year-old insides – they are that way because I take supplements that help my cells repair themselves. Want to know what I’m taking? Ask me. I’m happy to share but I would also recommend that you speak to a functional medicine doctor to find out what you’re lacking and to talk about you health goals. Just taking random supplements can do more harm than good. Knowledge is power.
4. Strength Train:
Cardio alone is not going to help you live longer. Don’t just go for a walk or a run. Incorporate building muscle into your fitness program. Muscles can do so much for you – they help you burn more fat, keep your heart healthy, help you get back up when you fall down, and they help you to be strong. And strong is sexy!
More Ways To Age Backwards:
Quality of sleep over quantity of sleep. My hubby and I can both get the same amount of sleep but if I get more deep restorative sleep than he does, my recovery is better than his. He can get eight hours and I can get six hours and my sleep score is higher because I get better sleep. There are a ton of ways to get good sleep. Here are my top three: 1. shut down your technology at least 30 minutes before bed and DO NOT watch TV in bed. 2. After the sun goes down, turn on lamps instead of overhead lighting. 3. Stop drinking coffee after three pm and stop with alcohol after seven pm. If you’re going to drink wine, drink Scout and Cellar wine that has no crap in it and NO added sugar. Check out www.scoutandcellar.com/5ococktail for more info.
Drink 1/2 your body weight in fluid ounces each day. Stop drinking sugar-loaded drinks, soda, or anything with corn syrup. The only other thing I drink other than water is one coffee in the morning (which helps me with Intermittent Fasting) and a cup of Yogi Tea after 7:30 pm.
“I sometimes listen to a sleep meditation before bed to calm me down and it totally works.”
I’m not a sit quietly type of meditator. I get my calm while running. I allow my mind to be free and just let the thoughts flow. Meditation doesn’t have to mean sitting still with your legs in a pretzel! You can find meditation in running while doing a breathing practice, doing yoga, dancing, cycling or on your commute to work. Whatever works for you. If you’re looking to start, I recommend the Calm app. I sometimes listen to a sleep meditation before bed to calm me down and it totally works.
I do this weekly. I try to do it more often but some days there just isn’t enough time. This is a great way to get your brain empty by putting all of your thoughts down on paper. Once you get clear of all the things clouding your brain, you’re better able to focus. Try starting once a week and see where it goes. I love using Sunday as my brain dump day. It helps me plan for the week ahead.
Fasting And Time Restricted Eating:
9. Eat for Energy!
Nutrition after 40 is everything. Get yourself a food sensitivity test and find out what foods your body doesn’t like, and doesn’t digest well. After learning this, my entire body changed. I also started Intermittent Fasting and Time Restricted Eating – not because it’s a fad but because it helps your body to HEAL. Yes, HEAL.
“Tingly all over and relaxed in a way that’s completely different.”
My hubby got me into doing Wim Hoff’s beginner breathing techniques. The first time I tried it was weird, to be honest. The second time, was pretty cool. I didn’t think I’d be able to hold my breath for more than 90 seconds but each time I’ve done it, it’s gotten easier and easier. However, it’s not about that. It’s about how you feel after you finish. You just feel lighter. Tingly all over and relaxed in a way that’s completely different. Here’s a link if you’d like to give it a shot. If you do, let me know if you liked it.
11. Cold Therapy:
Yep, another fad that is all the rage is another way to age backwards. I’ve done the cold plunge a few times while traveling and it sucks. It truly sucks the life out of you during the time you’re in the freezing cold water but once you embrace it and breathe through it (this is another place where the Wim Hoff breathing method totally helps), it actually feels great. While away a few weeks ago, I decided to end my showers with just 30 seconds of freezing cold water. WOW! What a difference it is to get out of a cold shower. The energy you feel is indescribable. Give it a shot.
A Long List – Start With One:
While the list above on ways to age backwards may seem like a lot, it’s just a matter of adding in one or two at a time and then as you get more and more comfortable with the new ones, add in some others.
Let the countdown to 50 begin!
Remember, that if you’re not feeling your best, something might be off. And it’s not ok, to just feel ok. You want to feel GREAT!
If nothing changes, nothing changes. I’d love to hear from you if you currently do any of the above or plan to try something new.
About the Author:
Hayley has been an entrepreneur for as far back as she can remember, always motivated to find creative ways to help others. Hayley is a two-time author, speaker, consultant, coach, podcaster, motivator, and mentor. In 2002, Hayley founded her first company, Verge Marketing Inc – a bag and accessory design and manufacturing company with offices located in New York City and Shenzhen, China (a WBE certified by the WBENC and member of WPO of New York). From building the infrastructure from the ground up to managing all aspects of the business, Hayley grew Verge to over $5M in revenues, earning accolades from Entrepreneur magazine as a “fastest-growing company” and landing on the Inc. 5000 list for three years. After 12 years, Hayley lost her passion for what she was doing.
In January 2015, Hayley felt it was time to take her 20 plus years of experience and give back in a way that would inspire, support and educate other women entrepreneurs. She started Foster Inc., a network and consultancy for women-owned businesses. Through peer-to-peer advisory and accountability groups, one-on-one consulting, boot camp workshops, masterminds and value-added networking events, Hayley works with women entrepreneurs to help them either get started or take their businesses to the next level.