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3 Levels Of Intimacy You Might Be Missing In Your Relationship

Kuel Life Featured Images December 2022 2

Midlife & Beyond Dating: Illa Lynn

Have you been intimate yet?

“For us, emotional intimacy is much more important than physical intimacy.”

Certainly, you have been asked this question at some point, but have you wondered what this question implies?

Intimacy is generally defined as the closeness between two people who choose to be together physically. Perhaps that’s why most men consider intimacy to be a physical connection, which is why they desire sex more frequently than women. For them, it is sufficient that their partner initiates sex and that he is respected and appreciated by her.

Women on the other hand are emotional beings and require a lot more. We are feelers. For us, emotional intimacy is much more important than physical intimacy. When we feel emotionally safe and connected, we can enjoy physical intimacy by surrendering fully to this euphoric experience.

While both physical and emotional intimacy are important elements for a thriving relationship, there are three additional levels of intimacy that when explored can yield an unbreakable bond between you and your partner.

Let’s unpack them next.

1. Intellectual Intimacy:

Intellectual intimacy can be described as having a healthy curiosity for each other while learning from each other. It is characterized by feeling safe to discuss various topics and being open to diverse perspectives by sharing your personal views and opinions.

If you practice mutual respect, you are able to connect and discuss topics unfamiliar to you that might be important for your partner and vice versa. And even when your opinions may differ, you are able to understand them with a sense of curiosity, rather than judgment or assumption.

“Intellectual intimacy doesn’t have to be intimidating or complicated.”

A few ways to cultivate intellectual intimacy with someone is to read poetry and visit a gallery or an art show together. You may choose to watch a movie or a documentary together, and share your insights respectfully.

Intellectual intimacy doesn’t have to be intimidating or complicated. It also doesn’t need to be deeply political. It is simply a new way to observe your differences and find ways to connect, even if you don’t see eye to eye on the given topic.

2. Spiritual Intimacy:

Spirituality is a uniquely personal experience and has many meanings. The level of spiritual intimacy between two people is determined by how freely they share their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and experiences about topics such as religion, spirituality, values, morals, and more.

Spirituality isn’t always about religion, although religion can be part of one’s spirituality. Broadly it may encompass your connection to the search for a divine path or true essence of life.

This can be an uncomfortable topic to discuss with one another and it may take you out of your comfort zone. However, if it is important to you, you need to step out of the comfort bubble and face the discomfort. Many couples avoid these conversations in the first year of their relationship and often face bigger challenges down the road as they decide to level up.

Thus creating spiritual intimacy is a crucial element for your relationship to thrive long-term.

“One great way to build creative intimacy is to introduce novelty into your relationship.”

3. Creative Intimacy (aka Social Intimacy):

Creative intimacy happens when you and your partner share each other’s interests or hobbies. You explore activities together and spend quality time as a couple. Most men enjoy this level of intimacy, even though they may not be aware. In fact, doing activities is how men fall in love.

Obviously, this doesn’t mean doing everything together. Creative intimacy is about balancing the time you spend together and apart. You want to give them a reason to miss you.

One great way to build creative intimacy is to introduce novelty into your relationship. Take an art class, explore cooking classes, visit a new restaurant, sign up for dancing lessons, or go karaoke.  When you do things collectively that might be out of your element you create trust and show each other your vulnerable side, which is a big bonus for both. Don’t be shy to show them how fun you can be.

Build Long-Term Connection:

Intimacy is about curiosity, fun, vulnerability, safety, and consistency. When you merge all of the above you will feel more connected and more trusting in the connection you both are building long-term.

I want to invite you to open up this space for your current and future partners and allow yourself to experience what relationship alchemy feels like. You will enter a world beyond your wildest imagination.

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About the Author:

Illa Lynn is a former corporate health care leader turned Life Coach who specializes in Relationship Coaching for women. In addition to her ten years of academic and professional training, she specializes in dating after 40. Specifically dating after divorce, or toxic love. Using her psychology background and intuitive nature, Illa helps women open up to love again. In three steps, Illa guides women to create lasting, authentic relationships founded on transparency, respect, and trust. Follow Illa on LinkedIN for more tips and tricks on dating.