Midlife & Beyond Dating: Illa Lynn
Women in midlife are finding it challenging to navigate the dating market and are losing faith in love.
“There is a widespread phenomenon where women feel they are not enough.”
As a relationship coach, I’ve seen so many of you give up on finding love. And settle for the idea of staying single. The view most of my clients express about dating in this era is, “Love is just not in the cards for me, plus I am better off being single anyway.”
This attitude is actually one of the most common mistakes women make as they ponder dating after divorce or a long-term commitment. There is a widespread phenomenon where women feel they are not enough. Many feel they will never be able to find love again.
Here are the top 3 mistakes you may be making and what is keeping you from opening yourself up to love.
1. You Bought Into The Idea That Men Your Age Are Only Interested In Younger Women:
While this may be a challenge for most women over 50, there are plenty of age-appropriate men who are looking for mature women like yourself. In addition, it may be that you are focusing too much on what you don’t want. Maybe you find that you are attracting more of the same; men looking for casual hookups. Or, perhaps you are being hit on by men half your age. And while that can be flattering, the idea of dating someone your son’s age makes you cringe.
“As you apply this technique daily, you will notice a shift in your confidence.”
It is said that what we focus on expands (the law of attraction). Ask yourself, where is your attention focused now? Consider reframing your thinking by honing in on your inner dialog and reminding yourself that you are beautiful, magnificent, and worthy of the love you want. That what you are seeking is also seeking you. As you apply this technique daily, you will notice a shift in your confidence. And a shift in self-esteem giving you the fuel to put yourself out there and try again.
2. You Are Looking For That One Type:
Back in your 20s you wanted a partner with whom you would be able to make life with and raise a family, but that is no longer the case. Now that you have been there, and done that, you can avoid this dating mistake women over 50 make.
Your priorities are different, yet you remain stuck on that one particular type. In other words, as a mature woman, you now want to look past the exterior and also consider the values and aspirations. The need to procreate is no longer on your list. Take it slow and steady. Get to know the men that are not usually your type and try them on for a fit.
Moreover, keep in mind that the Oxytocin that gets released in your body in the early stages of dating can feel like love, thus tricking you into thinking that this is your soulmate. Remind yourself that soulmates are not found, they are made. And that comes with time.
“Misery loves company, as we all know.”
3. You Allow Your Friends To Influence Your Decisions About Dating And Finding Love:
Our friends mean well, but their perceptions may be clouded by their own limiting beliefs and love challenges. Therefore, they may not be the best source of love advice. Misery loves company, as we all know.
It’s like that one negative Nancy that makes you wonder if it’s even worth putting your heart out there for another round. Negativity spreads easily and will affect how you view love thus jeopardizing your chances at finding that special someone you are seeking. Besides, it’s impossible to be happy with someone when you have such negative perceptions. My advice is to remove yourself from their presence and find new friends who share the same enthusiasm about love.
You must have faith that you can love again and need to believe that there are still good guys out there.
I’d like to remind you that this time you are going into this with experience and skills you did not have before. While dating may be challenging for a lot of you, you are equipped to handle it gracefully and in style. You can avoid the dating mistakes women over 50 make. The key is to shift your perspective, adapt new strategies, and take a leap of faith.
About the Author:
Illa Lynn is a former corporate health care leader turned Life Coach who specializes in Relationship Coaching for women. In addition to her ten years of academic and professional training, she specializes in dating after 40. Specifically dating after divorce, or toxic love. Using her psychology background and intuitive nature, Illa helps women open up to love again. In three steps, Illa guides women to create lasting, authentic relationships founded on transparency, respect, and trust. Follow Illa on LinkedIN for more tips and tricks on dating.