Midlife Pleasure: Ania Grimone
The celebrated singer Sade sang “It’s never as good as the first time.” I disagree!
For women in midlife, it can indeed get better, richer, and even deeper. As we journey through life, our sexuality can mirror the complexity of our experiences, emotions, and wisdom. Here’s an empowering revelation: a deeply fulfilling sexual experience isn’t merely the domain of euphoria or high vibrations. It can be found across the full spectrum of our emotions. As we grow, and mature in life, it is time to update our sexual script.
“Recognize them, honor them, and let them manifest organically in your intimate spaces.”
Era Of Full-Spectrum Sexuality:
Welcome to the era of full-spectrum sexuality. It is an evolved understanding of our sensual selves, telling us that the arena of intimacy doesn’t need to be reserved for ‘positive’ emotions alone. Joy, exhilaration, and desire are great yet, sexual expression is more than that. At times, we may find ourselves experiencing less celebrated emotions, like frustration, sadness, or even shame. These are all parts of the human experience. Recognize them, honor them, and let them manifest organically in your intimate spaces.
Take a moment to consider this mind blowing concept. Imagine experiencing an ‘angergasm’, where your pent-up frustrations are transformed into powerful surges of ecstasy. Or a ‘crygasm’, where the intense, emotional release coincides with the physical. Or even a ‘shamegasm’, where you intentionally invite your deep-seated guilt or embarrassment into your lovemaking, only to have them dissolve into waves of pleasure. It may sound strange initially, but it is as empowering as it is liberating.
Practicing Full-Spectrum Sexuality:
Practicing full-spectrum sexuality means breaking down barriers and silos in your emotional world. It allows us to integrate our sensual selves with the entirety of our emotional selves. It teaches us that we don’t have to shut down parts of ourselves to invite intimacy. Instead, it encourages an authentic experience that honors our full range of emotions.
One powerful aspect of this practice is its potential to recondition our nervous system. By allowing low-vibration emotions into our sexual space (whether it is solo or partnered sex), we teach our body that it’s okay to feel these emotions and still have access to pleasure. It’s a holistic approach that helps ward off negativity spirals and takes off the pressure of always having to put on a ‘happy’ face in the bedroom.
It also gives you a break from the trap of task-oriented mindset. Juggling work, family, personal obligations, and the constant demands of modern life often leaves us fatigued, desensitized, and devoid of desire.
Full-spectrum sexuality, though, re-infuses our lives with the sensual promise of intimacy, not just in the bedroom, but beyond.
“Bring your full range of emotions into your sexual experiences.”
Now, imagine the ripple effect of this practice on your daily life. When you allow yourself to experience your humanity fully in your sexual life, the liberation can permeate into all other aspects. The confidence in your sexual self-expression can transcend into courage in your personal and professional pursuits, encouraging you to break norms, challenge expectations, and redefine standards.
By harnessing the transformative power of full-spectrum sexuality, you redefine your relationship with your body and/or your partner, AND rediscover the sexy, and vibrant woman that you are. It is time to break the mold and reclaim your power, pleasure, and authenticity.
Step 1: Accept All Emotions:
Start by acknowledging all your emotions. Don’t suppress feelings like anger or sadness. They are valid. Honor them no matter when and where they show up.
Step 2: Integrate Emotions Into Your Sensual Life:
Bring your full range of emotions into your sexual experiences. For example, channel your frustration into passion, your sadness into deep emotional connection, or your guilt into a form of release. It’s a process of transmutation, transforming so-called ‘negative’ emotions into powerful tools for pleasure and connection.
Step 3: Practice Mindful Intimacy:
“Practicing full-spectrum sexuality can help you retrain your nervous system.”
Practice mindful intimacy by focusing on the sensations and emotions you experience during sex, rather than merely chasing after an orgasm. Take time to communicate with your partner (or yourself) about how you’re feeling, and don’t rush. This spaciousness allows room for emotions.
Step 4: Retrain Your Nervous System:
Practicing full-spectrum sexuality can help you retrain your nervous system. Your body will learn to associate low-vibration emotions with pleasure, leading to a healthier emotional balance and better sex, because you stop avoiding pleasure just because you don’t feel ON.
Step 5: Transfer The Confidence:
Once you’ve become comfortable expressing your full range of emotions in your sexual life, you transfer this confidence to other areas of your life. Allow the courage you’ve developed to help you express yourself more fully, both personally and professionally. The self-assuredness that you gained from having full emotional spectrum in presence of pleasure will help break down barriers and redefine your life beyond the bedroom.
Yes, midlife is challenging at times, but it is also a time of liberation and self-discovery. It’s the perfect stage to question the status quo and start doing things the way it works for us. So go ahead and mix it up and give yourself permission to feel what you feel and still have pleasure infuse your life.
About the Author:
Ania, MS, L.Ac., CPCC, is a clinician of Chinese medicine, as well as Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Health, and Sex Coach. She blends the most cutting-edge behavioral science with principles of Chinese medicine, Daoism, Tantra, and somatic experiencing, to heal and harness the power of female sexuality.
She is a founder of Venus Core Leadership, teaching women a new way of being. Sensual, embodied, regulated, and filled with pleasure.
She is passionate about reconnecting women to their deep wisdom, and innate, natural sexual core, as a source of aliveness, creativity, and joy. Regardless of age.
Ania invites you to visit her website at www.venuscoreleadership.com and join her list (there are some yummy goodies there). She will be announcing shortly a three part series, Beautiful Undoings, helping women recover from loss, betrayal, or divorce. And as usual, she invites questions and comments. We heal and rise in community. Please share this article if you know a woman, who can benefit from it.