5 Ways To Nurture Your Sexual Self

Midlife Pleasure: Ania Grimone

Nature in its perpetual dance of change, provides a fitting metaphor for our evolving sexuality.

While society often celebrates the fervor and heat of summer and makes us feel like we should be always “on” (or there is something wrong), it’s vital to remember that our sexual journeys, much like the seasons, have their own unique rhythm.

This is especially important to remember as women navigate through the intensity of midlife transitions, hormonal shifts, and life’s many challenges.

Sexual Summer:

The pressure to always be in a ‘sexual summer’—constantly desiring and always ready (I am exhausted just writing it)—feels both unrealistic and confining. Nothing in nature is in a constant state of expansion. Even in tropical climate, plants have rhythms. Our sexuality is no different. Our sexual self needs nurturing as well.

“There is a powerful pull towards rest. Sometimes that coincides with actual seasons, but sometimes not.”

After a period of increased activity, desire, and engagement, there naturally comes time of introspection, where the desire seems to retreat, the body is less responsive, the sensations acquire a more mellow quality, and we may even lose interest to engage. There is a powerful pull towards rest. Sometimes that coincides with actual seasons, but sometimes not. 

Instead of honoring our rhythms, we are told that it is a pathology. It’s a fault of hormones, stress, aging, relationship tensions etc, and we must take steps to fix it or else we lose our sex lives forever. While it is true that all these things can and sometimes do affect our sexuality, we have a lot of erroneous associations which do not take in the account the cyclical nature of all things. We start putting pressure on ourselves to always be responsive, open, willing, wet, and to have an amazing time and strong orgasms all the time. 

Too Much Work To Nurture Your Sexual Self:

Is there any other part of your life where you are expected to feel the same, and have exactly the same experience every time, no matter what?! My point.

But this is a common narrative, and it is even more toxic because it happens behind closed doors, and we rarely compare notes with other women. We become increasingly frustrated, and resentful. We may feel desperate, broken, or worse, we give up on this part of ourselves altogether. It becomes “too much work”. 

So what should we do instead? Take a breath. Just like spring comes after every winter, so your sexual fire will come back if you don’t get in the way. The best way to stay connected to this part of you without pressure, is to cultivate your sensuality. 

Often mistaken as a mere precursor to sexuality, it truly is a gateway to pleasure, and an intimate connection to yourself. It is the bridge that allows you to revel in your own body and appreciate the subtle joys of touch, scent, and movement. When you connect with your sensuality, you are engaging in a deep act of self-love, one that fosters well-being without any adverse effects.

“The best way to stay connected to this part of you without pressure, is to cultivate your sensuality.”

5 Ways To Nurture Your Sexual Self:

So how can you lean into sensuality and nurture your sexual self even if you feel distant from it? 

1. Sensual Touch:

Begin with the simple act of touch. Massage your skin gently with aphrodisiac oils like Damiana or Clary Sage. These oils not only stimulate the senses but also evoke a sense of eroticism. Let your fingers glide over your skin, feeling every curve and crevice

2. Dance Into Sensuality:

Put on some soulful music and dance, focusing on slow, deliberate hip circles. This isn’t about perfecting a routine but connecting with your body, feeling the rhythm, and allowing the movement to reignite the inner fire

3. Daily Breast Massage:

Our breasts are often seen purely through the lens of sexuality, but they’re also centers of deep sensation. Engaging in a daily breast massage is not just beneficial for physical health but also fosters a deeper connection to our sensuality. The love hormone, Oxytocin, is released and we become softer and more connected with ourselves. If this area triggers you, or you had illness there, find another part of your body where there are lots of yummy sensations. Come back to it when you are ready. 

4. Be With Your Body Like a Lover: 

The next time you apply your moisturizer, do it with the tenderness and affection a lover would show. Feel the coolness of the cream, the smoothness of your skin, and the warmth of your touch. Be soft, kind, attentive.

5. Dress to Express: 

Wear something that makes you feel vibrant and connected to your erotic self. It could be a piece of jewelry, a special perfume, or an outfit that reminds you of your sensuality.

Life-Affirming Force:

These practices, though simple, are profound tools to keep the connection to your sensual-self alive. They serve as reminders that pleasure, especially the kind devoid of negative consequences, is a powerful form of care.

And, recognize and honor the energetic shifts you go through. There may be times when the appeal of these practices wanes, and that’s okay. Remember, the nature of our energy is cyclical, but shutting the door on your sexual and sensual self, especially during a dry spell, is akin to cutting yourself off from a life-affirming force.

Stay connected, even if it’s in the simplest ways. Trust the rhythms of your body and spirit. Believe in the inevitable return of spring, with its renewal and rebirth. Be patient and keep showing up. Embrace your sensuality and know that it will guide you through every season of your sexual journey.

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