Divorce and Transitions: Mardi Winder-Adams
Anger is a common emotion that everyone experiences at some point in their lives.
Feeling hurt, embarrassed, humiliated, or betrayed in a relationship qualifies as an event that may result in anger toward others. While anger may be a natural response, when it becomes intense and prolonged, it can have a negative impact on an individual’s well-being, relationships, and overall quality of life.Â
In addition, not letting go of anger at your current partner will impact your relationships with your children, your friends and family, and any new relationships you may enter into in the future. Angry people are not fun to be around, and they tend to become angrier over time if they do not take proactive measures to care for themselves and let go of the emotion.Â
“These hormones can cause physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and high blood pressure.”
And if you’re not careful, as an individual going through a divorce, anger becomes expensive. Not being able to negotiate, collaborate, or at least consider and accept a reasonable offer will result in a much longer divorce process with the corresponding increases in legal fees.Â
Stress Hormones, Anger, And Your Body And Brain:
When you experience anger, the body responds by releasing cortisol, adrenaline, and other stress hormones. These hormones can cause physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and high blood pressure. If anger is not managed or allowed to run rampant in our hearts and minds for years, it can lead to chronic stress, increasing the risk of health problems such as heart disease, diabetes, and depression.
Anger can also have a negative impact on an individual’s relationships. When an individual is angry, they may say or do things that they later regret. Think of a time you were really angry at your kids and gave them a punishment that was way over the top. In these situations, you often end up looking bad, which further creates anger and resentment. Since angry people tend to lash out at everyone in their circle, it can be easy to begin to lose friends and supporters. All people you need as part of your support network during the divorce.
Chronic anger can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. It can also cause an individual to have negative thoughts and beliefs about themselves and others, potentially making it difficult to move forward in life and be open to considering new relationships in the future.Â
6 Tips To Help You Let Go Of Your Anger:
Letting go of anger is a critical component of self-care. It allows an individual to release negative emotions and move forward without all that baggage and negativity. It does not mean suppressing or ignoring feelings and emotions. Rather, it means acknowledging, processing, and then releasing them in a healthy and constructive manner.
Letting go of anger involves several steps, including:
1. Acknowledge and Identify Emotions:
The first step in letting go is to acknowledge and identify the emotions that are causing distress. This can involve journaling, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, or simply taking time to reflect on one’s feelings. Sometimes the emotions are overwhelming, but not moving through them in the divorce creates a real barrier to understanding and choosing options that are in your best interests. Â
2. Process Emotions:
Once an individual has identified their emotions, the next step is processing. This can involve exploring the root cause of the emotion, reframing negative thoughts and beliefs, and finding healthy ways to express the emotion. It is OK to be angry, mad, frustrated, or stressed, but it is not OK to stay in these emotions. Talking these out rather than stuffing them down is the healthy way to deal with these real and challenging emotions.
3. Release Emotions:
Releasing emotions in a healthy and constructive manner is critical. This can involve physical activities such as exercise or engaging in creative activities such as art or music. It can also involve forgiveness, letting go of grudges, and practicing gratitude.
Benefits Of Letting Go:
Letting go has several benefits for your well-being. By releasing negative emotions, you can reduce stress and improve your mental health. You can also improve relationships by letting go of grudges and resentment. In addition, letting go frees you up to look for opportunities and to be open to the future rather than constantly dwelling on the past.Â
“Letting go is not the same as forgetting, but it typically includes forgiving “
More Tips For Letting Go Of Anger:
Letting go of anger is not always easy, but it is an essential component of self-care. Letting go is not the same as forgetting, but it typically includes forgiving the other person through the process of releasing emotions.
4. Practice Mindfulness:
Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Practicing mindfulness can help an individual identify and process their emotions, leading to greater self-awareness and emotional regulation. This can be a short two or three-minute practice each day; it does not need to be long and involved.Â
5. Seek Support:
It can be helpful to seek support from a trusted friend or therapist when letting go of negative emotions. They can provide a listening ear, offer guidance, and provide a safe space to process emotions. Self-care means prioritizing your mental, physical, and spiritual health.Â
6. Engage in Self-Care Activities:
Self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, art, music, and other creative activities can help release negative emotions and promote well-being.
The old saying “self-care is not selfish” is something to live by. Self-care in challenging times is not always easy, but it is the only way to be your best self, which you deserve to feel every day.Â
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About the Author:
Mardi Winder-Adams is an Executive and Leadership Coach, Certified Divorce Transition Coach, and a Credentialed Distinguished Mediator in Texas. She has experienced her own divorce, moved to a new country and started her own business, and worked through the challenges of being a caregiver and managing the loss of a spouse.
Handling life transitions and pivots is her specialty! In her professional role as a divorce coach, Mardi has helped hundreds of women before, during, and after divorce to reduce the emotional and financial costs of the process. She is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC.
