Connection Kuel Category Expert: Kay Newton
Do you remember when you first met your partner?
The first time the two of you could not walk side by side without holding hands? What about when you used to kiss each other nonstop and if separated could not stop thinking or talking about each other? Now you have reached a ‘certain age’ everything can feel stagnant – what happened?
When you first fall in love you can never imagine how your relationship will change over time.The ‘love’ flattens out all too quickly and you revert to your idea of normality. Life is no longer rosy.Your partner annoys the heck out of you, those tiny events become huge issues. Drinking out of the milk carton, leaving clothes on the floor, turning up late – the list is endless. It takes humans on average four minutes to decide if they fancy someone and a lifetime of action to stay fancying each other!
Having been married for 28 years, I have seen many phases in our time together, sometimes the connection was synchronicity itself, other times totally the opposite. We have had our good times and our bad just like any other couple in the world. Yet when it goes flat, how do you reclaim your passion and excitement back?
There is a catch…
First, you have to know the real reason why you want to keep working at your relationship. If your thoughts and feeling come from expectations from others such as family or society then you can expect disappointment. Be Sensibly Selfish, put yourself first, is this what you want to work on? If the answer is yes, then it is time to approach your partner and talk to each other. Make sure you both have the same end goal, then follow the 7 tips below to help get the spark back in your life.
1.Change Begins With You
Simply put, nothing will change as long as you stay the same. By connecting to self, you make changes to your own thoughts and feelings. This, in turn, will change your reality and change your vibrations, which will automatically change the thoughts and feelings of your partner.
2 .Give Routine A Rest
Be spontaneous, change the scenery, have new experiences, create new memories. It does not have to be expensive or time-consuming. For example, if you are thinking of starting a new hobby, or want to learn a new language, do it together. You do not have to continue if it does not suit, just the act of being there to support each other to do something different will be enough.
3. Act As If It Is Your First Time
Renew your vows, have a dirty weekend, or a one night stand in a hotel. Just turn off the TV and think ‘I am on a date’. Have eye contact and flirt with each other. Reconnect to feeling sexy and desired, give each other hugs or even a massage. Touching increases the happiness hormones which decreases your stress levels. The choice is yours.
4. Compliment Rather Than Complain
Bad feelings can cause resentment to build, complaining is a way to create resentment. It is easy to end up feeling upset without even remembering why in the first place. If something upsets you do not hold on to it. Use the sandwich technique to speak out. First, make an effort to express your appreciation. Then mention what is upsetting you. Follow up with another compliment. Resolve any issues before bedtime or let them go. In a relationship, there are no winners or losers.
5. Spend Less Time Together
It is easy to fall into the pattern of just hanging out with each other, yet spending time away from each other strengthens a relationship. Enjoy some Sensibly Selfish ‘me’ time and make sure your partner does too. 2020’s trend, is to book yourself on a personal private retreat and take time to get to know the person you are today.
6. Share Your Dreams And Fantasies
Normal daily connections and conversation can be trivial and boring. Make time during the week to share your dreams and desires and have an inspiring conversation. If you find yourself having the same ideas then hold each other accountable to make it happen.
7. Establish Traditions
Have your own mini traditions.For example, look at your photos albums on birthdays to keep your memories alive, have a date night every Friday, even if it is just to prepare your partner a hot bath, add extra bubbles and light a candle.
If your connection is not strengthened after working through all the tips above, turn to a professional help to help you shift your stagnation. Do not be guided by the ‘perfect’ relationships you see in others and in the media, they do not exist. Be grateful for what you have; appreciate each other; understand and forgive; and there will be nothing stopping you from falling in love again.
What would you add to this article? Tell us a story about how you fell in love and how you have kept your marriage going over the years.
About the Author:
Kay is the founder of Midlife Strategies, an award-winning International Speaker, and enthusiastic author. She is an acknowledged expert guiding women to find their mojo, through the Midlife Squeeze.
Kay’s books include:
- ‘The Art of Midlife Stress Busting – Seven Steps to Declutter Your Mind Without Pills or Potions’
- ‘How to Clean Your Home Organically – De-Stress Your Surroundings’
- ‘Tips and Tricks For Stress-Free Downsizing – A Step by Step Guide to Moving On’
- Co-author of the six Kindle books in the ‘Quick Fix For’ series, and a contributing author to ‘Hot Women Rock’ and ‘A Journey of Riches’.
Today, Kay lives a simple life next to a beach in Mallorca, Spain. You can find Kay here: www.KayNewton.com.