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7 Types Of Men You May Encounter In Dating

Illa Lynn April 2023

Midlife & Beyond Dating: Illa Lynn

No doubt that today’s dating market is full of interesting characters. 

Your nightly swiping might bring you a wonderful connection or surprise you with a direct message revealing unsolicited hidden gifts. 

Perhaps, braving a blind date might be more your speed, or you may prefer to meet people organically through someone you know and trust. 

Whichever means you prefer, putting yourself out there courageously will teach you how to navigate the dating terrain effectively and intentionally, especially as you learn useful ways to vet potential partners AND those you might be currently dating.  

Here Are The 7 Types Of Men You May Encounter In Dating:

1. The “I am Not Looking For A Relationship”:

You must not take his words as an invitation to change his mind”

If he tells you that he is not looking for a relationship, believe him. When he says this, he is already setting the stage that he may hurt you in the future. And while he may wish to get to know you “deeper”, he is keeping this wildcard in his pocket, for whenever he is ready to eject himself from your life. 

You must not take his words as an invitation to change his mind by over-giving or over-promising your gentle heart. This type can lead you into a situationship trap, as they are very skilled at making you believe they may want more down the line. 

Keep your options open by letting him know that he is not the only act in your town. Be clear that you don’t want to be his Friend with Benefits (FWB). That is if you are looking for a committed relationship. There is nothing wrong with just having casual encounters, that’s more your cup of tea.

2. The “ I Am Separated, But We Live Together”:

This type of man is usually going through a divorce, but is still living with his “ex”. According to him, they sleep in separate rooms and nothing is happening. My sincere advice is not to get involved with him until he is legally and officially separated. I imagine you don’t want to be the “other woman” in the scenario.

After a taste of singlehood, most men may find that being in a monogamous relationship is challenging, so don’t get entangled until he regains balance post-divorce. You should reconnect with them 12-15 months after the divorce, when he may be ready for something real.

3. The “Mansel In Distress”:

You don’t need a project. You need a man.”

Mansel in Distress is all over the place. He is unorganized, inconsistent, and a walking hazard. His financial position might be questionable, and he seems to be constantly worried about something. 

As an empath with a heart of gold, you might want to help him or rescue him in some way. Being the one who constantly pulls him up is not productive for your love life. You don’t need a project. You need a man. When you spend your time maintaining a sinking ship you will end up worn out, and may eventually drown with it. You are worthy of a partner that can be your knight in shining armor, not the other way around.

4. The “Burner”:

While the Burner Type is fun, he will quickly burn you out. Always on the go, he’s the kind you can’t help but admire if one of your core values is ambition. He will always be chasing the next big project or a business deal. He lives the high life and moves in high circles. Initially enticing, but can eventually become exhausting, particularly if you are seeking tranquility and stability as your second act at love goal.

These men are usually affluent and may come across entitled a$$holes, but we can’t deny that they are incredibly charming and magnetic. Proceed with caution with this one.

5. The “I’m An Artist Waiting For My Big Break”:

“you can go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, leaving you shattered and confused”

Artistic types of men are unpredictable, fun, and untethered souls. Relationships like these are usually lived in the present moment, and he will take every opportunity or gig that comes his way without hesitation or regard for his partner. Although there are exceptions, most artists I encountered were masters of the disappearing act.

When you date him, you can go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, leaving you shattered and confused. Avoid this type if you’re looking for a long-term relationship and something tangible. 

6. The “Leecher”:

If you value your space and not being controlled, avoiding the Leecher is a must. This type of man is needy, controlling and insecure. He latches on you for support to stroke his ego and relies on their partner to make them feel better. He is the relative of the Mansel in Distress and always has the victim mentality. Their specialty is selling you their sob story. You might fall into this trap if you are empathetic as they can be very persuasive and charming at first. 

Telling them no to something they asked you for is the best way to assess their character early on. You’ll know whom you’re dealing with by their reaction to your boundary.

7. The “ Future Faker”:

This love bombing has become a strategy for wheeling you in and making you fall head over heels.”

Future Faker types of men won’t take more than one week to confess his love to you. “I’ve been waiting for you all my life. Where have you been my whole life.?” 

Given that he barely knows you, you will see right through his game. This love bombing has become a strategy for wheeling you in and making you fall head over heels. All the right words will be said at the right time and with the right emphasis. He will promise you everything you told him you wanted in a relationship and he will paint a picture of the future that you will most likely fall in love with. Don’t overlook the details, especially his behavior towards others, or when you are behind closed doors. 

Is he showing genuine empathy without looking for praise? Is what he is saying and doing congruent? Become mindful of future fakers, as they can take you for a loop and make your world spin in a millisecond.

Pre-Qualify Your Dating Matches:

It is so much more enjoyable to date a person you have chosen intentionally. There are great guys out there who possess some of these characteristics, but because let’s be honest, no one is perfect, you want to look for a mix of traits and characteristics that align with your lifestyle. 

As you pre-qualify your dating matches for your rotation, use discernment to identify the said 7 types of men.

More on the Dating Rotation Method, in the next article.

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About the Author:

Illa Lynn is a former corporate health care leader turned Life Coach who specializes in Relationship Coaching for women. In addition to her ten years of academic and professional training, she specializes in dating after 40. Specifically dating after divorce, or toxic love. Using her psychology background and intuitive nature, Illa helps women open up to love again. In three steps, Illa guides women to create lasting, authentic relationships founded on transparency, respect, and trust. Follow Illa on LinkedIN for more tips and tricks on dating.