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Beyond Shame In Midlife: A Story of Sexual Freedom

Shame In Midlife

Sexuality Thought Leader: Beth Keil 


Friday, March 1, 2024, came the call that my mom, whose dildo I found, had just passed. My two siblings and I made our way to Delaware and put our mom’s instructions and wishes into action. We also needed to clear out the apartment she had rented and lived in for 12 years. 

The day after her burial was her Celebration of Life. My brother, sister, and I shared our stories with the friends and family who gathered. Other people shared theirs as well. 

Needless to say, I would have enjoyed sharing the dildo story, but this wasn’t the time or place, even though some of the other pact-makers were sitting there!

Silence Broken!

“I have to talk to you!” said my daughter-in-law, Jessi, as she took me aside at the celebration. You see, at a visit two years earlier, my mom shared with Jessi her love of sex and some of her sexual past. Then she told Jessi that what she was about to share with her was to keep to herself until the appropriate time.

“Your mom meant for family to find her dildo!”  

All I could do was laugh as I told Jessi how the dildo was found and what eventually happened to it. But why did my mother change her plans? Or did she? 

From a young age, my mom carried shame about her sexual wants and needs. What if this was a gesture to claim her sexuality and sexual desires, even at 90 years of age? Even as her health declined, she had chosen to keep her sex toys where they were. It was very clear to everyone that my sister and brother would be horrified if they were the ones to find them! And she knew I’d appreciate it.

Elinor’s Dildo:

To assist my mom in claiming herself, I am going to use her name – Elinor.

Elinor carried shame from a young age. I learned of this only after she died. She grew up at a time when women were to get married and have children, where sex was not to be enjoyed but endured. 

She on the other hand loved sex and even said that to her aides and select friends at the end of her life. She even had sex before she was married and had feared getting pregnant. Elinor deserves to finally be known as the woman she was. Elinor deserves to have her sexuality claimed as her birthright, even if just in a blog about her lavender dildo and vibrator after she passed. 

Let’s Get Beyond Shame:

How can we be more like Elinor now? Is it possible to claim ourselves? Take a moment to answer these three questions:

  1. How do you claim your own sexuality and desires, or do you hide them in some kind of drawer?
  2. Are there areas in your life where you aren’t fully self-expressed as you want to be?
  3. Do you carry any type of shame about yourself, including your body? (Remember, you live in one!)

If you find yourself dealing with shame or judgments about yourself or your sexual expression or pleasure, you can change that. And, if you can’t get there alone reach out for help. There are resources out there to help us navigate many of these opportunities and challenges.

Just imagine what Elinor would tell you if she were here!

Additional resources can be found below in Beth’s bio.

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Beth Keil

About the Author:

Beth Keil helps her clients change and transform their lives. She offers a special focus on helping people claim the birthright of their erotic identity and to live in the joy, intimacy, and connection it brings. Beth is a Registered Nurse, MindSet Coach, and a Board Certified Hypnotist. Through her work, she enjoys integrating all her interests, experiences, and skills to bring sensuality, sex, and the erotic into greater awareness and conversation. You can schedule a 30-minute complimentary phone consultation with Beth using the Discovery Session icon.