Holistic Healing Thought Leader: Carol Lee
In August this year, I got married after being a widow for 16 years.
Although I never doubted I wanted to marry my love of 10 years, before ‘the big day’ my mind was whirring.
Many of my thoughts were quite surprising to me as they were about our age. ‘Is it ridiculous to get married at 60?’ and ‘What is the point, does it really matter, it’s not like we are having children?’.
I realised that getting married, to me, felt like the domain of the young. Fresh-faced and full of hope, their lives are in the expanding phase. This is certainly where I was the first time around. In contrast, we are in our 60s, in a contented and balanced phase. My partner retired, and I love my work and garden and am hopeful about being grandparents one day.
While my mind whirled and preparations needed to be made, I steadied myself by turning inwards to the wisdom of my body and outwards to nature.
“Some people call this gut knowing or intuition, our sixth sense that we can tune into.”
Our bodies are a like a compass that we can learn to pay attention to. This can help us to affirm our next best step. Many of us notice our feelings but discount them as being silly or unimportant rather than for the valuable information they provide.
I asked myself, how would it feel to be married to this man who I had shared my life with for the last decade? I wasn’t asking my mind to be rational or discursive, I was noticing how my body felt when I conjured it in my mind. Did I shrink inwards and feel a sense of dread or uncertainty? Or did I open up and feel excitement, an expansion of becoming more than I currently was?
Some people call this gut knowing or intuition, our sixth sense that we can tune into.
Connect With Your Body Wisdom:
If you want to try this out, here’s how you can. Choose a time when you are feeling relaxed. If you feel anxious or stressed leave it until another time. Now think of a topic, something you are not sure about. As you are getting to know how your body wisdom works choose something low-key. Something you are genuinely open to exploring (ie not a marriage proposal!) such as where to go out to eat, or the paint colour for the bathroom. Consider if you are even ready to eat. Now create a statement in the first person and in the present tense. Something like these…
‘Id love to try the food at …’
‘I’d love a green bathroom’
‘Avocado on toast feels good right now’
As you say the statement out loud or to yourself, tap the upper chest, thereby connecting in with your body wisdom. As you say the statement notice your body and how it feels, does it feel a good feeling or a bit off?
“In the life of a relationship, these seasons are essential too, for the relationship to continue to grow and flourish.”
It might take a practise to get to know your unique body wisdom’s ‘language’ – what a yes and a no feels like. One of my body’s signs for yes is a clicking in my ears, which I interpret as an energy change, a shift.
So I did this process and asked my body what it felt about getting married. I used the statement ‘I would love to marry this man’. I felt my body dance for joy with a rising excitement in my chest, my body said ‘yes’.
Nature reminds me that there is a season for everything. Winter for dreaming and recharging. Spring for planting and planning. Summer for tending and blossoming. Late Summer for harvesting and celebrating. Autumn for pruning and composting. And then around we go again. In the life of a relationship, these seasons are essential too, for the relationship to continue to grow and flourish.
Getting married felt like an opportunity to pause, express appreciation, and celebrate how far we had come as a couple, our harvest festival if you like. Of course there are many ways to do this that aren’t a formal marriage ceremony that can have all the same qualities.
And Now I am Married:
Now we are married. We begin another cycle. Although in the day to day it doesn’t feel too different, both of us have noticed that our roots feel a little deeper, our branches spread a little wider.
So I reflect on my questions again…
‘Is it ridiculous to get married at 60?’ ‘What is the point, does it really matter, it’s not like we are having children?’.
My answer… A ceremony that celebrates love and commitment is a beautiful thing at every age. In conclusion, my experience of the simple ‘no bells and whistles’ ceremony was that it felt incredibly personal and emotional, to be honest I was taken aback by how emotional I felt – we both felt. To be witnessed by others making a commitment to continue to cherish, love and honour the other felt powerful and solidifying.
Of course my body was right…
About the Author:
Carol Lee is a Naturopathic Nutritional Therapist, Sugar-freedom coach, Creative Kinesiologist, Teacher and Author from the U.K. She has been working in Complementary Health for over 25 years. Her holistic approach to healing and transformation is about listening to, witnessing and working with the body’s ‘knowing’. Carol believes this is where we hold our wisdom, experience and capacity for change, especially as mid-life women.
She works with women wanting to kick the sugar habit, those who are navigating health challenges, or who are wanting to up-level their life in some way; helping them to clear the blocks to success and wellbeing. She is currently enjoying her empty nest, and the freedom it brings, with her partner Jon. Carol loves the coast and walking the wild landscape of South West UK, snuggling her sweet rescue cat Stevie, gardening and eating delicious, nutritious food.