Divorce and Transitions: Mardi Winder-Adams
Stress is a fact of life. And no matter how much you try to avoid stressful situations, they keep cropping up.
This is true when everything is going well, and it is undoubtedly the case when facing life-changing issues like divorce.
“Stress can slowly infiltrate all areas of life.”
Divorce Stress:
Most people assume that only high-conflict divorces are stressful. But this is simply not the case. Even in amicable divorces, there is the potential for stress and anxiety, regardless of who filed the petition. To make matters more difficult, stress is not always the textbook signs and symptoms of headaches, digestive problems, and irritability. While it is often related to difficulty concentrating and making decisions, this is also not the only problematic symptom. Stress can slowly infiltrate all areas of life. And, stress can make it difficult to function throughout your divorce and the rebuilding period after the divorce is finalized.
As a divorce coach, one of my areas of focus is to help my clients assess where the stress levels they are experiencing are coming from and how they are managing. By having a check-in component to our coaching sessions, I can ask questions that help the client determine if their bodies are signaling that stress is becoming a challenge that needs to be addressed.
To get started, let’s take a non-clinical look at some overlooked signs that stress is starting to become a factor during divorce or any other life challenges and changes.
Sleep Problems:
As I get older, I don’t need as much sleep as I used to. I can do with about six hours of sleep and wake up rested, refreshed, and ready to tackle the day. I was always an early morning person and never really experienced the whole “sleep in on the weekend” experience!
However, when stress creeps into my life, my sleep changes. I have trouble getting to sleep, and then, once that happens, I have trouble staying asleep. Any changes in sleep patterns that last for more than a few days could be a sign of stress-related responses in your body.
Yoga Nidra is a great way to relax the body and the mind when stressed. There are a lot of great YouTube videos on this relaxation process, as well as guided sleep meditations, sleep music, or even stories to fall asleep to online. Apps such as Insight Timer, Calm, and Headspace (or many others) typically have free versions or very low-cost memberships for those struggling with sleep.
“Yoga Nidra is a great way to relax the body and the mind when stressed.”
Fatigue:
Fatigue is more than just feeling tired. It is a deep sense of physical and mental exhaustion and energy loss that feels like your reserve tank is always on empty. Fatigue can be a sign of physical health issues as well as mental health issues such as depression. It is a complete feeling of being worn down to the ground, and nothing you seem to do picks you up.
It is also a common sign of stress. As the body responds to stress, it releases hormones like cortisol, which triggers feelings of exhaustion and low energy. In addition, high cortisol levels are linked to weight gain, which also plays a role in decreasing energy levels in the body.
As with sleep issues, check with your doctor to ensure there are no underlying medical issues, and then consider adding meditation and mindfulness practices to your daily routine. Meditation is linked to naturally decreasing cortisol levels in the blood by reducing mental stress and anxiety that stops the adrenal glands from releasing hormones into the body.
Aches, Pains, and Common Illnesses:
If you think back to a time of stress in your life, you may well remember a lot of physical aches and pains, colds, minor skin rashes, and other types of common illnesses. When stressed, we tend to hold tension in the body, often in the neck, shoulders, back, and hips. We may grind or clench our teeth, which can add to neck and jaw pain, migraines, and headaches.
In addition, it is common to stop doing things for ourselves. This may include skipping workouts or walks, which adds to both muscle tension and lack of muscle stretching and strengthening.
All those stress hormones in the body tend to do a number on our immune systems. Stress is linked to a lower white blood cell count, so your body’s natural ability to fight viruses and bacteria decreases. As we find ourselves with higher levels of stress, issues like colds, respiratory infections, digestive issues, and even the flu become more problematic.
“The good news is that we can also help our bodies with this.”
The good news is that we can also help our bodies with this. Get outside for at least 20 minutes a day and do some physical exercise. Go for a walk, ride a bike, play with the kids or the dogs, or get involved in a sport to help your body recover.
Social Withdrawal:
A prevalent sign of stress during divorce is the inclination to withdraw from interactions with friends, family members, and colleagues. This may even mean dropping out of activities or commitments that previously brought you joy.
Staying engaged with others who are positive and supportive and have your back when you need help is one of the best ways to keep stress levels low, even in these very challenging times.
Be proactive about stress as you are going through divorce.
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About the Author:
Mardi Winder-Adams is an Executive and Leadership Coach, Certified Divorce Transition Coach, and a Credentialed Distinguished Mediator in Texas. She has experienced her own divorce, moved to a new country and started her own business, and worked through the challenges of being a caregiver and managing the loss of a spouse.
Handling life transitions and pivots is her specialty! In her professional role as a divorce coach, Mardi has helped hundreds of women before, during, and after divorce to reduce the emotional and financial costs of the process. She is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC.
