Kim Muench, Becoming Me Expert
I hate the “c” word. Always have. Something about it just makes my skin crawl.
When I try and figure out why, what comes up for me is my childhood and a deep sense that my mom felt the same way. I also remember moments and situations, while I was in junior high, around the icky, uncomfortable feelings as some of my male classmates spent the school year looking for ways to disrespect a female teacher they felt they could walk all over. Overall, I didn’t get a good feeling from the word so I’ve pretty much tried to avoid it most of my life.
“Why does someone have to be “right” and someone have to be “wrong?””
Conflict – The “C” Word:
When two or more people disagree or see things differently, it creates tension. I don’t like tension. I never have. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. When I see, hear, or feel people in conflict, I think to myself: “why can’t we all just accept one another and our different opinions and perceptions and get on with life?” Why does someone have to be “right” and someone have to be “wrong?”
Do You Agree?
Because conflict has made me feel uncomfortable for as long as I can remember and because I am a keen observer of life, I learned to keep quiet when I didn’t see something the same way other people did. Even though, on some level, I knew it was unhealthy to not express myself. It’s taken me more than five decades to learn this and now I know not speaking my truth has really only hurt one person.
“Not acknowledging my truth meant I didn’t really know me.”
Me, As A Soul Sister:
By intentionally shutting my mouth to keep the peace, I abandon myself.
Let me tell you friend, once you know something, you can’t unknow it.
So, over the past few years, I’ve worked hard to identify and understand my truth. It’s a battle worth winning. Doing this work isn’t easy when you’ve shoved it down, stashed it in a box on the top shelf of your closet, or spent significant time being who others wanted or needed you to be instead of just being who you are. Not acknowledging my truth meant I didn’t really know me.
“It’s not healthy. I deserve better. I believe you do too!”
Conflict In My Extended Family:
Once I understood my truth I felt compelled to share it. In a big way. I published it in a book.
I believe there isn’t enough truth in the world so I put it on paper with a pretty cover.
As a result of sharing my truth, I recently experienced a major dose of conflict in my extended family. Not only did I contribute to the conflict, I was actually the instigator. Some people I love didn’t want to hear my truth. And, that’s okay, I’ve decided at this point in my life it isn’t going to stop me from sharing my truth anyway.
The truth will set you free! Even if someone you love doesn’t agree with it. They have their truth too, it’s based on their life experience, just as yours is. The two can coexist!
When we decide to stay quiet or tamper our thoughts and feelings in order to “keep the peace,” we abandon ourselves. It’s not healthy. I deserve better. I believe you do too!
What’s your truth? Have you found yourself stuffing what you know to be true in order to keep the peace? While it may have worked in the moment, at what cost was it to you? Are you still abandoning yourself today?
I’d love to connect with you and hear your experience. Please share in the comments below or write me at [email protected].
Yours in Sisterhood,
About the Author:
Kim Muench (pronounced minch, like pinch with an “m”) is a Jai (rhymes with buy) Institute for Parenting Certified Conscious Parenting Coach who specializes in working with mothers of adolescents (ages 10+). Knowing moms are the emotional barometer in their families, Kim is passionate about educating, supporting and encouraging her clients to raise their children with intention and guidance rather than fear and control. Kim’s three plus decades parenting five children and years of coaching other parents empowers her to lead her clients into healthier, happier, more functional relationships with compassion and without judgment.