I’m exhausted and this race for pandemic survival has just begun.
I want nothing more than to leave the house without first checking to make sure I have my mask, hand sanitizer, and container of Clorox wipes. It takes an enormous amount of emotional capital to go ANYWHERE these days.
Walking around the Farmer’s Market, this past week, in the Wrightsville Beach Summer heat and humidity was suffocating. The torridity circulating inside my mask (which, by the way, DOES cover my mouth and nose) fogs up my sunglasses and makes me feel short of breath. I was fully aware of every second I was in attendance; calculating how ‘worth it’ it was each time I paused at a stall.
I Hate Face Masks.
But, you know what gets me even more than wearing a face mask?
“This virus doesn’t care about the color of our skin, our political affiliation, or our age.”
ALL those people who cavalierly don’t. WTF? And, by no coincidence the non-mask-wearers are ALSO the people who could give a $H!T about where they stand or walk.
So, the believers in science, convinced that an infectious virus is running rampant on Planet Earth, are saddled with the responsibility to keep ourselves and fellow humans safe. This virus doesn’t care about the color of our skin, our political affiliation, or our age. All it is looking for is a novel human host.
I’d love nothing more than to live my life with a degree of ‘normalcy’. My son and I are on our 15th Annual Mother Son’s Beach Week. I want to go for walks, to grab a drink at a beachside bar, to pick-up a cute new sun-shirt from the local Wings. I am doing my level best to participate in ‘life’s’ activities… with my new face covering, ritualistic, OCD hand sanitizing, and quick maneuvers to weave in and out and around all the non-compliers.
Non-Compliance Is OK When You’re The Only One Affected
I have always considered myself non-compliant. I will drive around for weeks with my new registration sticker in my glove box rather than on my license plate. I will wait until the last minute to pay a bill or make a doctor’s appointment. I have been told I have enough compliance to stay out of prison. And, I’m ok with this personality characteristic of mine as long as the only person affected is me.
The coronavirus is a whole different animal. I comply. I can’t stand the idea that someone else’s health and potential lifespan could be negatively impacted because I just don’t ‘feel’ like wearing a mask or washing my hands.
Longing For The Pre-Pandemic Days
Yes; I am fatigued. Tired of overthinking every outing. I miss and long for the pre-pandemic days. Meandering into a shop or gallery to window shop; grabbing a quick drink at a bar with a friend; and hosting dinner parties are all a thing of the past. Wearing a mask just makes it ‘not worth it to me’. The individuals who have decided that they get to behave anyway they want; that Covid19 doesn’t really exist in their paradigm, frustrate and anger me.
Those negative emotions take the wind out of my sail. I’d rather stay home. Recently, our North Carolina Governor has mandated a state-wide mask order. The order takes effect at 5 p.m. on Friday, June 26. I hope that, seeing others in compliance, will reinvigorate and refuel me to cross the coronavirus finish line healthy- physically, spiritually, and mentally.