Sexuality Thought Leader: Beth Keil
“Great sex, like happiness more generally, maybe the precious and sublime exception…only as we get older…we start to realize with what stinginess nature extends her gifts to us – and therefore what an extraordinary and rare achievement of biology, psychology, and timing satisfying sex really is.” ~ Alain de Botton, co-founder of the School of Life
“Don’t focus on techniques, as they aren’t the real ingredients that create great sex!”
I don’t know how old de Botton was when he wrote this. I hope he’s discovered there doesn’t have to be any ‘stinginess’ or ‘rare achievement’ when it comes to great sex. There are midlife women who have already figured this out.
Becoming Sexually Awakened:
When midlife women speak of their sexual awakening, some say sex before then was enjoyable, good, or even okay. Others were happy without it.
After ending a decades-long marriage, one woman in her late 50s and in a new relationship spoke of her experience. She said it was like an adolescent boy full of testosterone, and grateful she didn’t have a penis, as she would have had a hard-on all the time.
Are you wondering what techniques her new lover used? Are you looking for the links so you can learn them? Don’t focus on techniques, as they aren’t the real ingredients that create great sex!
Techniques For Great Sex:
When you realize that the bread you baked didn’t rise, do you wonder about the baking pan or measuring cups you used? NO! You look at the ingredients. Techniques for great sex is like looking at the measuring spoons and bake pan!
Because baking involves chemistry and the interaction between the ingredients, how-to books on sex don’t address what’s at the heart of great sex. Thomas Moore in his book, The Soul of Sex, puts it this way: “… health and technique, valuable as they may be, (are) not enough to evoke the depths of sex which calls for imagination, reference, and full presence.”
The Invitation To Intimate Sexual Connection:
“You can’t change another person, you can only invite them to join you.”
A key ingredient shared amongst the awakened women I’ve spoken with is the inner awakening they experienced first. They became a changed woman!
Their inner awakening is what led to changes which expanded and deepened the intimate sexual connection with their lover, and in turn, took their sexual expression to new heights.
The Seven Signs Of A Changed Woman:
- They embrace their needs, wants, and desires unlike ever before.
- They have a voice and speak up.
- What others think of them no longer matters (or is substantially lessened).
- She no longer settles for a smaller life.
- They prioritize what is really important to them and their life.
- Many create firm boundaries for the first time and honor them.
- They are willing to make choices and decisions that aren’t always easy or comfortable.
The major change they made, was being vulnerable with themselves and their lover as never before! They surrendered themselves to their desires, wants, and needs — and expressed them too!
A shift like this means one’s partner also needs to change. You can’t change another person, you can only invite them to join you. This is what next month’s blog is all about.
Here’s to Aphrodite Rising!
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About the Author:
Beth Keil helps her clients change and transform their lives. She offers a special focus on helping people claim the birthright of their erotic identity and to live in the joy, intimacy, and connection it brings. Beth is a Registered Nurse, MindSet Coach, and a Board Certified Hypnotist. Through her work, she enjoys integrating all her interests, experiences, and skills to bring sensuality, sex, and the erotic into greater awareness and conversation. You can schedule a 30-minute complimentary phone consultation with Beth using the Discovery Session icon.
