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How Can Grief Be Love?

Lisa Michelle Zega September 2022

Grief Kuel Thought Leader: Lisa Michelle Zega

Grief feels awful. Grief is painful.

At times, dark clouds roll from nowhere, suddenly the sky opens, and grief beats down, flooding your world. Other times, you push back the mounting sense that threatens to obliterate your happy-ever-after, while dread lurks restless at your heart’s edges. 

Pain Is Bad, Right?

“You know what it’s like when the words say I love you, but the actions say something or someone else matters more.”

Grief is painful. And pain is bad. Right? How can grief be love? Love sees. Love cares. It pays attention and cherishes and honors. You know you are loved when you feel seen, heard and appreciated. Not when you’re ignored.

You know what it’s like when the words say I love you, but the actions say something or someone else matters more. Phone. Work. Entertainment. 

When you love someone, of course, their pain matters to you. You want to be with them, comfort them, tell them what they needed to hear but didn’t. The pain my kids experienced growing up matters to me! How come? Because I love them. 

Grief is love. When your experience goes unseen, unattended, and unhealed it matters. Why? 

YOU Matter:

Because YOU matter. That’s why when you deny your pain, push it away, ignore it, or distract from it, your body resists. Grief is love. Until you open up to your grief in love, you experience the wound again and again – the same grief. 

That’s my story. I never met my biological father and didn’t know my body carried abandonment pain. Not surprisingly, boyfriend after boyfriend chose me and then rejected me. I then married the same pattern. Trying to save the marriage, I turned my back on myself again and again. It wasn’t until I allowed my grief, gave it a voice, and let it be felt, that my heart healed and I released the pattern.

You are made by love and for love. Love is your essence, so your body will hold your pain until you are ready to see it, care for it, and heal it. 

“Your heart expands to hold your sorrow AND to receive and appreciate all the love in your life.”

Grief is love and motivates you to open to your own losses. Doing so, you experience a miracle. Your heart expands to hold your sorrow AND to receive and appreciate all the love in your life. 

Love Grows When You Allow Grief:

You awaken to the goodness of a refrigerator that keeps your food fresh. Ears open to the music of birds chirping. Eyes dance with the vibrant manifold shades of green. The lie is that grief is bad and will shrink your life to a small existence. The truth is that allowing grief expands your capacity to give and receive compassion. It’s counterintuitive. Your heart’s capacity to receive love grows when you allow grief. 

You appreciate what you have more and you make space for greater joy. Yes. Grief feels awful. Of course, it does. The loss you experienced is awful and love stretches to cover the expanse of your heartbreak. Each time it does, your heart enlarges to hold more love. 

Grief is love. 

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Lisa Michelle Zega

About the Author:

Lisa Michelle Zega is a Life Coach for Midlife Women of faith who are starting over after the death of a spouse or a divorce and are struggling with sadness and self-doubt. She helps them metabolize grief to retain all the nutrients, learning and wisdom and release the waste, so they can begin again with joy and confidence. 

She was married to a pastor, divorced after 23 years of marriage and her boys stopped talking to her for nearly 6 years. Zega later buried a fiancé 5 months before their wedding day. Lisa Michelle now lives with her handsome biker hubby, adorable Jack Russel and creative stepson outside of Los Angeles and enjoys a renewed relationship with her grown sons. 

She’s a devoted Minnesota Vikings fan, enjoys people, loves to hike, read, travel and embraces the fullness of life — the joy, sorrow and all the in between. You can find more about Lisa Michelle at Legityou.com or Lisamichelle.legityou on Instagram.