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How Money, Self-Value, And Worth Confuse Us

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Money Expert: Karen McAllister

“What am I doing wrong? I work so hard and I never seem to make enough money.”

“I love what I do and my clients really grow from our work together. There is nothing more fulfilling than seeing my clients have breakthroughs. And yet, I feel like an imposter. Am I really successful? Because my bank account doesn’t really show it. I constantly feel in survival mode when it comes to the end of the month. I have to live on leftovers.”

“The amount of money you are making is a reflection to help you,” I replied.

“Are you crazy? I feel like it is a judgment of my worth. I feel it is a measurement of my worth. And I dread pulling up my accounts and taking a look at what money has come in.”

Yuko’s whole body slumped over in a depression.

“It’s not unusual to have a distorted relationship with money and self-value..”

Money And Self-Value:

It’s not unusual to have a distorted relationship with money and self-value. Yuko was not the first client that I worked with who struggled with this issue. I waited a moment and asked her, “Are you willing to take a look behind what’s driving this?”

“Yes, I think so, and I’m scared.” 

Yuko and I took a journey together to a place where she discovered that she found it hard to receive support and let things in. She had lots of clients who were paying at a lower rate than standard. She didn’t like to charge people the proper rate. And she didn’t like to put a price on her time, she felt it cheapened her offerings. With every client, she went way over the time allotted for their session. Her clients knew that she was available at the drop of a hat to them. 

And she felt she was always living on a shoestring by the end of the month, despite being very frugal with her finances in general.

“Money somehow taints my work.”

Money Somehow Taints My Work:

We took some of these behaviors and I asked Yuko, “imagine doing the opposite, what comes up?” 

“Gosh, well if I keep the session within the hour, I feel like I am not giving them enough and they will leave me. If I charge the proper price, then I am being greedy and selfish and they will not work with me. Money somehow taints my work.” 

“With this new client, she also trained herself to keep to the hour session.”

With Yuko’s next new client, she took a big breath and let the client know her prices. Normally she would jump in and fill the space with “but if you cannot afford this, I can do it for a discount.” She stopped herself, held back with A LOT of effort and waited. The new client agreed and when Yuko got off the phone she cried. This was her obstacle to receiving.

With this new client, she also trained herself to keep to the hour session. 

The client continued to work with her and completed the three months, without placing extra demands on Yuko’s time outside of the sessions. Yuko continued on this trajectory going forward with her other clients.

Linking Your Self-Value With Money:

A year later Yuko returned. “I’m learning to truly value my time, my talents, and my energy. I am becoming open to receiving love at a deeper level than I have ever experienced. As a result, I have more energy, more joy, and more revenue. You were right that my money is a reflection to help me. Not a measurement to judge me.”

“You were right that my money is a reflection to help me. Not a measurement to judge me.”

Making more money was a good thing for Yuko. It meant letting love in. Yuko was ready to allow herself to be loved. Through my money coaching work I see how our relationships with money can be distorted, sometimes in the way that Yuko’s was. Other clients, who are wealthier, may be afraid that choosing a less financially secure path may result in a loss of social value or status.

Whether you are experiencing financial abundance or scarcity at present, you may be dealing with the emotions that come from linking your self-value with money. Money is a reflection that can help you, rather than a measurement to judge you. 

Relationship To Your Value:

How might your money be helping you right now?

What does your current relationship with money reveal about your relationship to your value, your time and energy? Usually, self-value and worth confuse us.

What is your money reflecting to help you? If you would like to book a discovery call to find out, click here.

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About the Author:

Karen has worked with over 100 clients, helping them untangle their money issues and to become more effective in their work because of it. To do this, Karen has studied financial issues extensively from both the practical, behavioral, and the emotional perspectives.

She has been certified by Deborah Price of the Money Coaching Institute as a Certified Money Coach, a Couples Money Coach, and a Business Archetype Coach. She has studied with Lynne Twist from the Soul of Money Institute for two years on Mastering your Money and Transforming your Life, including studies in Lynne’s Fundraising from the Heart program. Checkout Karen’s site TheMindfulMoneyCoach. Or, you can email Karen directly at the TheMindfulMoneyCoach.