Momming Adult Kids: Denise Drinkwalter
As women in midlife years, we’ve raised our children to adulthood.
And we are ready to enjoy the fruits of our labour. However, sometimes, the relationship with our adult children is not what we expect. Perhaps your relationship has taken a turn for the worse. Perhaps boundaries are blurring and you are feeling used. Or maybe you are watching your child forge a new path that conflicts with your values and beliefs.
It can be hard, challenging and sometimes downright hurtful. However, their actions as adults are not a direct reflection on you. It is demonstrative of them and where they are at in their life.
5 Tips On How To Build A Healthy Relationship With Your Adult Children:
Here are some tips on how to manage and where possible build a healthy relationship with your adult children.
“Adult children do crave communication from their parents, even if they don’t explicitly ask for it.”
1. Communicate, Where Possible Without Pushing Your Way Into Their Lives:
Adult children do crave communication from their parents, even if they don’t explicitly ask for it. Make sure you’re communicating with your adult children. To keep them in the loop about what’s happening in your life (keeping in mind – quality over quantity). And remain open and curious about what’s happening in theirs.
When you communicate, make sure that you’re open to hearing their point of view, especially if it differs from your own. This can be hard, so I highly recommend you refrain from responding negatively in tone and cadence and make sure that you are in a good “head space” to actively listen to their messages.
2. Avoid Being Overbearing
As much as you may want to protect and help your adult children, it’s important to avoid being overbearing. One good way to help you figure out if you are being too intrusive or overbearing is to ask yourself if the questions you want to ask is something you would want to be asked of you.
Put yourself in their shoes and feel how it feels to get your barometer set appropriately. Your adult children are now capable, and should be, making their own decisions and it is up to you to let them handle themselves. However, if you feel that your adult children might be making choices that could harm them, I mean actually harm them, approach the topic gingerly with understanding, empathy and curiosity, not judgment.
3. Respect Boundaries
As our adult children start to build their own lives and families, it’s important to respect their boundaries and give them the space they need to grow. It is crucial to allow them to create their own priorities and no matter how hard it may be for you, you must respect their decisions. Be supportive and never try to impose your ways onto them. Your ways are yours and their ways are theirs. That is what allows them to grow and learn, just like you did.
“Be supportive and never try to impose your ways onto them.”
4. Be Grateful:
Your adult children are grown and thriving – and that’s something to be grateful for! Celebrate your children’s milestones and achievements. Be supportive of their goals and aspirations, and do so with genuine love and compassion from your heart center. This will definitely improve your relationship with your adult children.
5. Seek Help if You Need It:
If you’re struggling with your relationship with your adult child, it’s okay to seek help from a professional, such as a therapist, life coach or counselor. They can provide you with tools, strategies and support, and provide a deeper understanding of what is happening and how to grow yourself through the transitioning role of being a parent with adult children.
Good support systems are able to help you build your relationship with yourself first so that you can see the importance of being kind and gentle with yourself through challenging times.
Remember, maintaining a healthy relationship with your adult children is a lifelong journey. By communicating openly, respecting boundaries, and being grateful, you can build a lasting and meaningful relationship with your adult children, which will in turn come back to you 10 fold in ways you can only imagine possible.
About the Author:
Denise is a sought-after international empowerment life coach who fully believes in the power of awareness, self-care, knowledge, and time. Denise has a gift and is able to combine her 31 years of award-winning teaching, and first-hand experiences as a Mom of three incredible well-established, happy and prosperous children to support the successful coaching roles she enlists.
She is an experienced Empowerment Life Coach and has worked with hundreds of clients taking them from being hollow, overwhelmed, and lost to finding purpose and zest for life! You can learn more about Denise here.