Kim Muench, Becoming Me Thought Leader
My 24-year-old daughter is going through a heart-wrenching breakup from her high school boyfriend. The relationship lasted seven years.
At the moment she’s away from home at med school. She works hard, her academics are also rigorous. The reason she broke up with her boyfriend is because he still wants to live the frat boy life and she doesn’t see a future with him.
“I don’t say much, try to just listen, if I give advice, it’s the wrong advice, and she gets mad at me.”
Holidays Exacerbate Heartbreak:
My daughter lives in a city five hours away from us and him. She sees his social media on the weekends. This gets her so upset about the partying and all the fun he is having. Since they broke up he has not contacted her and it is just heartbreaking for her. My daughter calls me so sad and cries a lot. I don’t say much, try to just listen, if I give advice, it’s the wrong advice, and she gets mad at me.
What do I do? I think the holidays will be brutal for her.
There’s nothing like the holiday season to exacerbate heartbreak. We’re constantly reminded by television commercials, Hallmark movies, and social media ads about how we’re all supposed to be enthusiastically embracing Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanza, and the myriad of other special occasions that are present.
For many people this is the hardest time of the year.
And it pulls at a parent’s heart to see their kids go through the break off in a long-term relationship. Even if we support the decision, no doubt there’s been an investment by everyone in the family to get to know this romantic partner. When a long-term dynamic such as this one has changed, it can feel like something of a loss.
“Hold space for her while she processes this.”
Keep Those Ears Open:
An obvious suggestion is to tell your daughter to stay off of social media, or to at least break what ties she can to his social pages. That seems like a simple first step, though I hear you say she doesn’t want your advice.
She’s made a wise and responsible choice for her future and if he hasn’t changed his ways it’s for the best. Keep those ears open mom, pay attention to the 80/20 Rule, which is to listen 80% of the time and talk 20% of the time. Hold space for her while she processes this.
While she’s home for the holidays plan a retreat to a local favorite lunch spot and spa to let her know you love and support her unconditionally as she goes through what we’ve all experienced, to one extent or another, in our young lives. Sending you strength!
About the Author:
Kim Muench (pronounced minch, like pinch with an “m”) is a Jai (rhymes with buy) Institute for Parenting Certified Conscious Parenting Coach who specializes in working with mothers of adolescents (ages 10+). Knowing moms are the emotional barometer in their families, Kim is passionate about educating, supporting and encouraging her clients to raise their children with intention and guidance rather than fear and control. Kim’s three plus decades parenting five children and years of coaching other parents empowers her to lead her clients into healthier, happier, more functional relationships with compassion and without judgment.