Kuel Life the Collective Power of Women

Learn To Live In The Question – Audrey, 56

Audrey Acton is about as raw and open as one can be.

Bold and self-described as a ‘big ball of passion in your face’, she has learned how to channel that energy to find herself. Like many of us, Audrey lives with some deep wounds. And, is learning and practicing self forgiveness.

Treat yourself to Audrey’s honest and open share. There is much wisdom to glean from our Kuel Life sisters. Audrey is no exception.

Our Share Your Story for the week: Audrey Acton.

KUELLIFE: What are you pursuing now, at this stage of your life that surprises you or might appear to others as if it comes out of left field?

AUDREY: I suppose I would call it directed passion. I have always been one big ball of in your face passion. Now, I am focusing my passion, being much more purposeful with it. I am in charge of where that passion goes and can hold onto what I want for me and direct the rest at my projects without vomiting it on everyone who is not interested in sharing it with me.

That directed passion is taking me into myself and into a space where I want to help women find the magic in themselves to be able to live out loud who they have been hiding all of their lives.

KUELLIFE: What’s a typical day like for you?

AUDREY: I wake naturally most every day. I love waking slowly and allowing my mind to come to focus without the shock of an alarm. Dogs and cat must be loved on and let out and fed. Then, meditation. 

After meditation, I juice celery for my partner and myself. Moving my body comes next. We usually work out together; even if we are doing different things. I will hula hoop, do a low impact workout, calisthenics, yoga or whatever I am drawn to that day. We then do a Tarot reading for the day over coffee. Next we may practice archery or knife throwing. Love the precision and dedication to getting accurate in these unusual pursuits. We then have a detox smoothie and sit down to brunch together. The morning is all about the 2 of us.

The afternoon is time for work. I may record or edit a podcast episode. I may write or research or explore. I do a class or lesson. For instance, I am learning Spanish. Each day is unique and offers a great deal of flow. I have a to-do list that is not set in stone. I will usually do some chores as that gets me up and off my tushy during the afternoon. I find continued movement throughout the day wakes up my mind and keeps me from getting stiff.

The evening is dinner, together or alone depending on his schedule. Reading, meditating, journaling, stretching or as a last resort, a Netflix binge lol. Shower the day off and bed.

KUELLIFE: With what do you struggle?

I never knew what it meant to be older other than being old.”

AUDREY: Getting “old” and self-judgment around my parenting.

I feel that there is an enormous amount of info and understanding around being young and growing up, being a mom, being a business woman, and not enough for us in this stage of life. I have a problem with the word crone and yet, that is what it feels like we are relegated to. “Thanks for raising the next generation, see ya!” It feels like there is no appreciation for the wisdom we have gained and the life experience we have. I feel that the biggest problem is in us. I’m not sure if I was ever shown or taught what to expect. I never knew what it meant to be older other than being old. There has been no respect aimed at the older generation in my life, a failure on my part, and that in turn has lead me to not appreciate where I am myself.

In a way, I feel that we could learn a great deal from indigenous people who honor their elders by sending the young to them to learn. What could we teach our children/grandchildren if we were allowed or encouraged to share our wisdom?

The self-judgment is mostly my own “what if”. I know, logically, that I only knew what I knew at that stage of my life. I cannot judge myself for the things I did not know. And yet, I do. My parenting and the subsequent actions of my children as adults is an issue I struggle with deeply as one of them no longer communicates with me. It is a pain in my heart that will not heal.

KUELLIFE: How do you motivate yourself and stay motivated?

AUDREY: Meditation, couple time, diversification and fun!

I have had one of the most challenging decades of my life these last 10 years and if I had not meditated regularly, I would never have made it out alive. And that is not an exaggeration. Meditation grounds me, inspires me, calms me, clarifies things for me, and gives me hope. Lassitude and being directionless is what shows up without it.

Spending dedicated time with my partner is also brilliant. He is so honest and willing to tell me what needs to be said if I need to hear it. The time together is something I missed in my marriage and now I don’t know what I would do without that unique time each day. We laugh and challenge each other and play and it is my favorite time of day.

Doing something unique and different each day allows me to stay motivated as well. I play, I move my body, I work, I learn. All of that adds up to fun and fun motivates me the most!

KUELLIFE: What advice would you give fellow women about aging?

AUDREY: Learn to honor yourself. To me, I believe that part of honoring yourself is learning about you and accepting all the parts of you. The little girl, the mom, the child, the bitch, the shadow, the angel, the demon, the lover, the whore, the nun, the goddess, the artist, the writer, the sadness, the joy, the playfulness, the laughter, the fun, the silly. There is no reason for you to not embrace each and every part of yourself in any way you choose and honor that part by getting to know it and allowing it space in your life. You are, ultimately, all you have in life. Learning to love the “worst” and “best” of yourself lets you move into aging with a knowing that you are ok in you and you can do anything you want with the rest of your life.

KUELLIFE: What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?

Nothing gives you power like being open to yourself and others.”

AUDREY: It means strength and power. Nothing gives you power like being open to yourself and others. Self-examination is what makes me vulnerable. Sharing it with someone is the cherry on top. I find that the more I open myself to myself and to others, well, my partner 90% of the time, the stronger I become. The braver I become, the more it ramps up my own personal power. It’s like an Ouroboros of self.

KUELLIFE: What are three events that helped to shape your life?

AUDREY:   

  1. The divorce of my parents. I made a decision as a child to never divorce, to find a way to make things work. An absolute that I learned was not applicable to real life.
  2. Becoming a mom. My life was never the same from that moment forward.
  3. Learning that men’s and women’s brains and ways of thinking about things were different. Seems obvious now, but decades ago learning how to communicate with men was a new way of looking at relationships. It changed my life and shaped my business and relationships into who I am today.

KUELLIFE: Who influenced you the most in life and why?

AUDREY: My current partner. He is the love of my life and has opened me up and allowed me to be more me than anyone in my life. I have never had anyone who accepted and honored me for just being me. He gave me permission to become who I wanted to be and has been the kindest person in my life. His love is the true definition of unconditional love and he showed me how it is really done.

KUELLIFE: What is the best advice you’ve been given from another woman?

AUDREY: Alison Armstrong: Learn to live in the question. It is ok to not have an answer or a solution. You are allowed to not know or even need to know. Being able to live in that question has allowed things to just be without needing a finish.

KUELLIFE: What woman inspires you and why?

AUDREY: I have two. One fictional and one real.

Carrie Fisher. She was bold, brash, real and fought her demons her whole life. She adapted and lived by her own rules in a male dominated industry and I have loved her since the first Star Wars came out and I learned she helped re-write the script and helped shape the movie that is still one of my favorites. She loved her family and did her best to be the best she could be. I think one of the things that I love the most about her is that she was an openly flawed person who allowed those flaws to be seen and still moved forward and bravely showed that face to all.

Morticia Addams. She is so comfortable in her skin. She has no doubt about who she is and what she wants in her life. She loves her family beyond anything and has a serious love affair with her husband. She accepts everyone as who they are and does not offer judgment. She is an artist and a creative woman at her heart. She loves to play and have fun. She revels in her sexuality and sensuality and is not afraid to be that woman no matter the circumstance. She touches that part of me that believes in magic.

KUELLIFE: Are you grown-up?

AUDREY: Hahahahaha

KUELLIFE: What do you do for self-care?

AUDREY: Meditate. Exercise. Journal. Read. Cry. Laugh. Sex. Sleep. Write.

KUELLIFE: And last but definitely NOT least: What are the top three things on your bucket list?

AUDREY:

  1. Own a boat and be on the lake as often as humanly possible.
  2. Buy a ranch and have a herd of alpacas, some horses, maybe goats and chickens. Have a walking meditation labyrinth and be able to have bonfires and dance around them naked! To hike in the woods outside my front door.
  3. Create retreats for women where they can explore the magic in themselves to be able to live out loud who they have been hiding all of their lives.