Simplicity & Connection Thought Leader – Kay Newton
As a writer, one thing I love to do is write. The more I put words onto paper (or type them onto a screen) the better my life gets.
“The simplicity of the adventure is deciding which reality you want to accept.”
Recently I have been rewriting the stories related to the crossroads in my life, those crisis points that when we look back were defining moments in our reinvention.
Everyone has significant life crossroads and you may even see a pattern. For me, there are three stages where major paths diverge; the first junction occurred in the years before 30, the second was 30 to 60 years, and the third adventure began this year aged 60.
Each major milestone is a story with potential learning. We also have the ability with hindsight to write these narratives in many different ways. Simply put, we can make a story out of a story in whatever way we choose. The simplicity of the adventure is deciding which reality you want to accept.
The First Stage Of Midlife Crisis:
As I meandered into my younger stories and wrote them from my perspective today, I made connections I had never seen before. For example, how writing and words have always been part of my life since taking a typing course aged eight. Or, how receiving a bravery commendation from the lifeboat crew whilst drinking a cup of tea, made it seem like such a natural occurrence and not a life-threatening situation, which it was at the time. Now, I have the ability to keep calm in major events.
Midlife Crisis, Suicide:
When I Coddiwompled into my middle-year stories there were many ramblings that needed to be unravelled. Midlife can be such an impotent life stage, so many things happen with little control. It is easy to feel dissatisfied, to question the meaning of life, to feel anxious, despair, and frustration.
My midlife crisis was HUGE. Or was it?
“The guilt and shame of it all, the false sense of happiness.”
Out of the blue, one sunny day, standing in our beautiful kitchen, watching our kids eat breakfast, my husband threatened suicide. He wanted to take the car and slam it into a motorway bridge. The whole event had sent me spiraling off track. My wonderful dream life had been shattered to pieces.
I became the victim of the drama and played the part extremely well. Deep down I feared being left behind to deal alone with our modern-day sham. An ex-pat, with a luxury consumerist lifestyle, keeping up with the Joneses. Dealing with the usual midlife millstones, such as being sandwiched between kids and aging parents, mortgages, economic depressions, career changes, and a family of hormonal hell.
Yet with hindsight, the abrupt slap in the face and the following months of dealing with the depression of someone I loved, whilst questioning my own meaning and purpose, was the best thing ever. The guilt and shame of it all, the false sense of happiness, and the disconnection from who I thought I was led me to become fascinated with personal development.
This opened up the amazing world of guiding others to deal with their own midlife crisis. As a Midlife Strategist and Resolutionist, I get to have goose pimples every time another person’s light bulb is switched on.
The more personal experience and experiments I took upon myself, the more potential I had to inspire others. I realise there is still much space to be explored. Here I am aged 60, a crone in the making and life has never felt better.
The Simplicity of Adventure:
During the middle stage of life, I also became engrossed in the simplicity of adventure. A method of finding alternative ways to simplify everything and anything both external and internal.
Internally I began to question and challenge values, thoughts and beliefs about daily habits. Such a process is not for the faint-hearted, nor is it to be undertaken with just one breath. Step-by-step is the only way for creating lasting change.
“The more I ground myself in nature, the more secure, whole and joyful I become.”
Toxicity From My Lifestyle:
When I feel lost or confused, anxious or unsure, I accept these as a sign to stop and breathe. Not to avoid the emotions and feelings that come to the surface, but to just let them be, allow them to flow and then make a decision whether to hold onto them or not. The more I ground myself in nature, the more secure, whole and joyful I become.
Externally, I removed toxicity from my lifestyle (chemicals in cleaning and personal products, unhealthy relationships, and unhealthy food). There is a conscious effort to declutter at every opportunity. Our motto at home is to reduce, reuse, and then as a last resort recycle.
My husband and I have stuck together and the Simplicity Adventure has made our world a brighter place.
Thoughts for You:
As we near the end of the year, here are a few simple thoughts just for you.
- December 2022 and the start of 2023 is the perfect time to look back over the years and reflect.
- Take the time to pinpoint your life stories that may need developing, altering, or just ditching.
- Making the effort now will lead to new insights and potential ways forward for the New Year.
- Always give yourself space before adventuring into something new.
- Above all else, avoid New Years’ Resolutions!
If you are dealing with a midlife crisis triggered by health issues, the death of a loved one, divorce, the loss of a job or future uncertainty. Or, perhaps you are feeling isolated, overwhelmed, guilty or shameful, or any other derivative. It could be the midlife sandwich between teenage kids and aging parents or an empty nest syndrome, please reach out when you read this and let’s chat. Support is always a message away.
About the Author:
Kay is the founder of Midlife Strategies, an award-winning International Speaker, and enthusiastic author. She is an acknowledged expert guiding women to find their mojo, through the Midlife Squeeze.
Kay’s books include:
- ‘The Art of Midlife Stress Busting – Seven Steps to Declutter Your Mind Without Pills or Potions’
- ‘How to Clean Your Home Organically – De-Stress Your Surroundings’
- ‘Tips and Tricks For Stress-Free Downsizing – A Step by Step Guide to Moving On’
- Co-author of the six Kindle books in the ‘Quick Fix For’ series, and a contributing author to ‘Hot Women Rock’ and ‘A Journey of Riches’.
Today, Kay lives a simple life next to a beach in Mallorca, Spain. You can find Kay here: www.KayNewton.com.