Money Kuel Category Expert: Melissa Ternes
Money touches every aspect of our lives in one way or another.
And, because of that it has an uncanny ability to show us things. Whenever I need to listen to something, connect at a deeper level, or get reassurance; I start hearing some version of a message or point over and over again. Then I know it’s time to dive in, get curious, and explore. Most recently, that’s been around the topic of money issues and receiving money.
Here’s how it all started: I was leading a workshop to pick your money word for the year and when we reached the section on receiving money one participant adamantly stated she didn’t have money issues. Now, understandably, no one wants others to think they are having trouble with money, it’s just not socially acceptable. As we continued chatting, I asked, do you have enough money to do everything you’re meant to do? Her answer was a flat, ‘I don’t have money issues’. Not a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, but a stressful statement of “I’m fine” and I need to convince you I’m fine.
“Receiving money can be a hard subject.”
Receiving money can be a hard subject. For some, it shows up in undercharging their clients or turning down money when someone offers to reimburse them for an expense or pay for dinner. However it shows up, pay attention.
When it came time to talk about receiving money, her first response was she was fine. There are several interesting points in this. One, we were talking about possibilities and the I’m fine response shut down the opportunity to dream about more. Second, not answering the question is an indication of discomfort with the topic. And third, I’ve never met anyone that when asked, is there more you would like to do in life that money could make possible, has answered no.
However, the way the question went in her brain and was processed was, it’s not ok to say I want to receive more money. There are many reasons this can come up. The belief it’s not polite to talk about money, much less wanting to receive more money. Not feeling worthy of receiving more money. Or, having negative thoughts about the character of people with more money, and the list goes on and on.
The beauty of money is that it can be the mirror for what is going on in other areas of your life. Your beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions can all impact your ability to receive or keep money.
Have you ever explored your thoughts, your beliefs, and your actions? Have you wondered how all of that influences your life—especially your money?
I never wondered because I knew how to behave in a multitude of scenarios, it’s just how I was raised. Some behaviors were imprinted by witnessing the successes and failures of certain people in my life. And, yet more were instilled by parents, friends, and society. Before long, these actions became so deeply ingrained that I had no idea where they originated.
“We just do it because we were taught it somewhere along the way.”
We just do it because we were taught it somewhere along the way. Then we get trapped. There is usually a period of time when we don’t realize we are trapped, we just know something is not right. At some point, we hear or see something that sheds even the tiniest amount of light and we can see that we are trapped. When this happens, we start to question why we’re trapped and begin to search for answers and actions on how to free ourselves. That’s exactly what happened for the workshop participant.
I’ll ask you the questions:
“In what ways would you like to receive more money?”
“What would you do with more money?”
“How does it make you feel to think about receiving more money?”
“Does the source of the money matter?”
If these questions make you cringe, take a deep breath and answer them as if no one would ever see your answers, and you could live them out where no one would know. This will guide you to your true answers. Your tiny light into all that is possible.
About the Author:
Melissa Ternes is a financial empowerment coach, author, serial entrepreneur, wife, dog mom and lover of travel. Melissa is based in Raleigh, North Carolina and when she’s not out speaking or teaching, she’s seeking an adventure on the “pretty blue water” of Belize with her husband and adventure companion, Wayne. You can connect with Melissa on LinkedIn and check-out her website at Master Your Money Now.