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My Reality Today Surpasses Any Dream I Had – Cindy, 57

Cindy Scurry SYSWSJ 031520

Cindy Scurry’s determination to live a full and happy life astounds and inspires.

Cindy, in her early 20s, pulled herself and her family out of poverty by attending University as a non-traditional student. At the young age of 44, she was forced to endure the greatest loss any mom can imagine. Cindy’s resilience and perseverance is uplifting and moving. Her story of courage, in the face of unfathomable dire situations, is greatly needed –  especially now.

KUELLIFE: What are you pursuing now, at this stage of your life, that surprises you or might appear to others as if it comes out of left field? 

CINDY: My husband and I are so in love and enjoy each other’s company so we are constantly pursuing fun events and things to do. We look for concerts, events and trips to take. We are pursuing each other! Still dating and nurturing our relationship each day. We’ve been married 9 years and dated 5+ years before marrying. We’ve both been married previously and really cherish how wonderful it feels to be in love and to be together. We enjoy each other’s company and it’s even fun to do nothing together!

KUELLIFE: What’s a typical day like for you?

CINDY: I work full-time as a Human Resources Manager at McGuckin Hardware. An iconic, family-owned hardware store in Boulder, CO. It’s called Boulder’s everything store! We have 240 employees, so you can imagine it’s a pretty busy job. I wake up at 6:30 am. I allow myself plenty of time in the morning, so there’s no rushing. My husband and I got ready for work at the same time. We listen to the news, we talk about our day. We both leave the house around 7:45 – 8:00 am. I work 8:30 am – 4:00 pm each day – with no lunch breaks. After work, I’m a full-time step mom to a 21 year old profoundly disabled step-son, named Marshall. He can’t talk, walk, or care for himself at all. He is small in size, approximately 75 lbs and about the size of a 5 year old. My husband, Dray, and his oldest son, Graham, watch him. We are a team of care-givers all making sure Marshall is cared for 24/7. Graham watches Marshall while we work. We watch Marshall at night and on the weekends so Graham has time off. After we get home from work, Dray makes dinner, and he and I sit at the table with Marshall each night. I give Marshall a bath, which he loves and this usually takes 1 hour, as we allow him plenty of time to play in the water. Dray and I spend the evening talking about our day at work, family, or current events, while listening to music. We don’t have a tv on the main floor – only in the basement. Each night the kitchen is cleaned up 100%. And we wash dishes, even though we have a dishwasher. We just like washing dishes – both of us do. I usually tidy up around the house – since it’s like we have a baby, and there are toys and messes made here and there. I usually do at least one load of laundry each day – mostly Marshall’s stuff. We go to bed around 10:00 pm. I take a shower every night. I have a routine of showering and moisturizing face and body before bed. I live in Denver, which is high altitude desert living, so dry skin is a reality.

KUELLIFE: With what do you struggle?

“I guess my only struggle is to eat right and exercise regularly.”

CINDY: I guess my only struggle is to eat right and exercise regularly. Seems there is always an event to eat things I shouldn’t. And, there is always something to do instead of exercise.

KUELLIFE: How do you motivate yourself and stay motivated?

CINDY: I’m self-motivated because I have commitments and people relying on me. I love my job. I’m excited to be at work each day. I have a wonderful family that I value. I have a beautiful home. I love a clean house and don’t mind doing the work to keep it that way. I believe that getting a good night’s sleep is important to good health and motivation.

KUELLIFE: What advice would you give fellow women about aging?

CINDY: Stay out of the sun! I grew up in Florida and never wore sunscreen. Now we all know better and realize the damage the sun is doing to our skin. I wish I had recognized this earlier than I did. I would say getting older is a blessing. I’m proud of my age. I plan to grow old gracefully, and accepting that which is inevitable, with appreciation and positivity.

KUELLIFE: What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?

“There are times when I get criticized and it stings, but then I quickly remind myself that I like myself and I’m okay with me.”

CINDY: I’m a strong person. I try to stay alert and conscious of my thoughts and actions. Vulnerability to me means introducing doubt or losing your confidence. There are times when I get criticized and it stings, but then I quickly remind myself that I like myself and I’m okay with me. I’m also okay with imperfect me. I know that I’m a good person, that has good intentions and I’m giving everything I’ve got – so I’m very patient and forgiving of myself when/if I mess up.

KUELLIFE: What are three events that helped to shape your life?

CINDY: Having a baby at 22. I’ve never been happier. I loved being a mom. I was very present and really enjoyed my son. I rocked him too long as a baby. Carried him too long as a child. Took him everywhere with me.Went to every one of his sporting events from age 7 – 18 – basketball, football, baseball. I took him to college and spent 10 days with him before going home. I visited him every month while he was in college (4 hours away). I cleaned his apartment, bought groceries, and took him out to eat on each college visit. I spent a week painting the interior of his house, buying him furniture, and setting up his home when he bought a house at 20 years old. He was the true joy in life for 22 years.

When I had Brian, at the age of 22, I quit my job as a clothing store manager in Miami, FL to raise him. I took care of children, sometimes up to 6 at a time, to help provide for the family. Our little family was extremely broke. We were on food stamps and no insurance for 10 years. We got by barely. One year we made $8000 for the entire year. I started working outside the home when Brian went to kindergarten. Once I got a good job at the age of 28, I started going to college to better myself and my earning potential. I would end up going to college as a non-traditional student for about 10 years, eventually getting my bachelors and master’s degree in Human Resources Management.

When Brian unexpectedly died at 22 in a motorcycle accident, it shattered my world. I lost my identity. I went into a deep depression, even considered suicide. My heart was broken and I wasn’t sure life was worth living. Brian was an amazing person; he was charming, successful, loyal, dedicated, funny, and to know him was to love him! It was just unimaginable to live my life without him.It took years of therapy and support to finally be thankful for what I had and not mourn for what I don’t have.

Getting married to Dray. Dray and I started dating before Brian died. Brian and Dray got to know each other and I’m so thankful they did. Dray and I were co-workers for many years before becoming romantically involved.Dray is the best person for me and I didn’t even know how good until many years after being married. Thankfully, he knew! He is so supportive, loving, such a wonderful father and friend, and not bad looking! 😉

KUELLIFE: Who influenced you the most in life and why?

CINDY: Dray has influenced my life the most. He is so smart, so logical, and an excellent communicator. He is generous in sharing his thoughts and ideas. I really listen to him. He gives great advice! He has made me a stronger, more confident woman. He is loving and affectionate, something I didn’t get in my first marriage.

KUELLIFE: What is the best advice you’ve been given from another woman?

CINDY: In a way my ex-mother-in-law gave me the best advice. When I married her son, she and I quickly became friends. She would share her regrets in life, about raising her kids, being a wife, etc.. She shared her wisdom, hoping I’d learn from her mistakes. I was listening! I learned, at the age of 22, to not live with regrets. This has been my mantra in life. It helped me in raising my son, and being a wife, a daughter, sister, and friend.

Also, my mom was an incredibly strong woman that valued work ethic, cleanliness and organization, as well as physical beauty. She was never short on advice in these areas.

KUELLIFE: What woman inspires you and why?

CINDY: I’m inspired by women that work hard each and every day, that take care of their families, and themselves, and pursue what brings them joy and happiness.

KUELLIFE: Are you grown-up?


KUELLIFE: What do you do for self-care?

CINDY: I have positive, kind, and loving self-talk. I take my make-up off each night. I moisturize daily, if not twice a day. I have regular hair appointments. I exercise. I eat right (most of the time). I enjoy quiet time – with no tv or music. I express gratitude for all the good in my life each day.

KUELLIFE: And last but definitely NOT least: What are the top three things on your bucket list?

CINDY: I really don’t have a bucket list because I’m living a better life than I ever dreamed possible. I’m happier than I ever thought I could be. I’m enjoying a career that I’ve loved for over 25 years. I’m in love and married to a man that is better than I even knew existed. I have a nicer home that I ever even dreamed of having. I’m traveling more than I ever thought I could or would. My retirement is financially secure. My dreams were never as good as my reality today.

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