I am a person of extremes. With me it’s all or nothing… and, right now the NOTHING is weighing heavily on me.
As all my original 2020 travel plans (I know I’m not alone) have been canceled, I struggle with finding something enjoyable that can be experienced within the confines of this flippin’ pandemic. (Which I am WAY OVER by the way).
Peru Or Bust!
My current funk stems from the fact that this week my son, Aidan, and I were supposed to return from Peru. I bought tickets months ago. As it were, we were scheduled to fly into Lima with the notion that we would take about three weeks and tour, by bus, from Lima south to Cusco, ending in La Paz Bolivia. This is my kind of travel. I’ve actually taken this trip before… before he was born and I wanted to show him the amazing wonders of that part of the world.
Forget the actual virus… which is no frail contender. I don’t even have my passport currently. Right before COVID I traveled to Mexico and upon my return sent in my, almost expired, passport for renewal. Well, talk about delayed. Between the government shut downs and the virus, I am not going anywhere anytime soon.
“Weird how crippling it feels to me to not have my passport.”
Weird how crippling it feels to me to not have my passport. I feel ‘trapped’, imprisoned. Well, i guess it’s hard to decipher if that’s from the “I can’t go or do anything” or because of the actual lack of passport.
I read on social media about how so many of you amazing women are spending your time. Some of you have lush gardens, or you’ve taken a local mini-trip, or, you’ve created masterpieces in the kitchen. I am running low on creativity. The three things that bring me joy: travel, live entertainment, and dining out are ALL off the menu currently. And, the wear and tear on my soul is starting to show.
How Do I Feed My Soul In The Current Crisis?
At the beginning of the pandemic I relished the pause. I indulged in a simpler, easy-paced, existence. For the first few months my life looked like this:
- Sleep in.
- Work on Kuel Life.
- Connect virtually with loved ones & friends.
- Plan and make a healthy dinner for my family.
And, I liked it.
I’m So Bored.
“I hunger for novel experiences, for extended human interaction”
Now, I want to run screaming from the room. I am soooooo bored. And, before anyone reminds me; yes, I know I am one of the lucky ones. I have access to everything I need. The bottom of my Maslow pyramid is fulfilled. But, I am not. I hunger for novel experiences, for extended human interaction (outside the screen of my computer). I long to hear live music, or see a brilliant play on stage. The simple act of watching a bartender whip up an interesting unique cocktail dances in my memory, taunting me.
I never fully understood just how much I took it all for granted. In all honesty, I didn’t internalize just how important some privileges are to my psyche. And, I do mean privileges. We have been fortunate to have access to travel, entertainment, dining out with friends. We all know, none of those are essentials for surviving – they are luxuries. But, it’s those luxuries that fill my cup with joy; that makes the ongoing, everyday chores and responsibilities palatable.
I struggle with the idea of moving out of the “ALL” or the “NOTHING” and looking for the “IN BETWEEN”. Time is not renewable and each day that goes by is just that – a day that goes by. I know, it’s up to me to redefine my current life; to create new ways to replenish the joy cup. Interestingly enough, I feel stuck for the first time in my life. Not allowed to tap on my tried and trusty ways, has me at a crossroads. And, maybe, just maybe, this is exactly where I am supposed to be. No matter how uncomfortable I may feel.