Parent Coach for Moms of Teens: Fern Weis
“Did you finish your homework?”
“When are you going to walk the dog?”
“How many times do I have to remind you?”
And in case you thought it was only about your kids, try these on:
“Honey, you promised to repair the faucet. It’s still not done.”
“We don’t even watch Netflix together!”
“Moreover, take a moment to explore your motivation..”
This Is Code For:
- I feel unappreciated.
- I’m lonely.
- Oh, I’m worried about you.
- I’m disappointed.
From all about the person, you’re talking to, to feelings that are all about you.
What’s behind the reminders and nagging? Moreover, take a moment to explore your motivation.
When it comes to your children, it’s mostly fear and worry about them and losing the carefully laid out vision you have for their life. Let’s dig deeper. For instance, you may find that their procrastination and resistance causes you to doubt that they’ll be able to fend for themselves.
After all, if they can’t handle homework and need to be constantly reminded of what needs to be done, how can they successfully be on their own one day?
“Ultimately, the nagging creates distance instead of connection.”
It’s About You Having Fear Plus Worry:
It’s not about the homework. It’s about losing confidence in them and living in fear and worry. And it’s about you.
In addition, now think about your partner. How important is the faucet? Not very, in the scheme of things. And Netflix? It’s not about the movie.
This may bring up feelings of not having a voice; being lonely; being taken for granted. These are powerful feelings which can turn you into someone who nags.
Ultimately, the nagging creates distance instead of connection. This is the opposite of what you want.
What’s Your Motivation?
The next time you find yourself nagging, take a little inventory. In other words, what’s your motivation? What does it bring up for you?
Then find time for a ‘do-over’, an opportunity to express what you’re really feeling. As much as possible, make it about you. It has the potential to break down defenses and repair relationships.
The more you can talk about what really matters, the less you nag. In conclusion, the less you nag, the more love you’ll be able to give and receive.
About the Author:
Fern Weis is a Parent Empowerment Coach for Moms of Teens and a Family Recovery Coach. She’s also a wife, former middle school teacher, and the parent of two adult children who taught her more about herself than she ever could have imagined.
Fern partners with moms of teens and young adults, privately and in groups. She helps them grow their confidence to build strong relationships and emotionally healthier kids who become successful adults. She knows first-hand that when parents do the work, the possibilities for change are limitless; that it’s never too late to start; and you don’t have to do it alone. Learn more about Fern at www.fernweis.com.