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So, You Want To Try On-Line Dating?

Ready OnLine Dating Ellen Kramer 03012019 Kuel Life

Guest Blogger: Sixty And The City
Ok, 60+ year old ladies, you have taken a leap of faith and put yourself “out there” in the attempt to find a significant other. Many of you haven’t had a date in eons; or at the very least in this century.  
Generally, signing up for a dating site means you have labored over a profile, decided by how many years to lie about your age, and then searched high and low for some suitable images.
Let’s be honest, selfies are atrocious over the age of 30. That means one has to have a nice picture alone. I am thinking that you probably don’t have many save your first wedding pics or graduation pictures. 
Cardinal no-no, which I continue to break, is a picture with others. In my case, these others are my two daughters. What can a girl do? When I take a picture it’s usually with my adult kids or my friends. How often does one strike a pose? BTW, speaking of “striking a pose”,  Madonna is over 60! 
Speaking of images, there “needs” to be one of just your face and at least one or more full body shots. Already sounds demeaning, it can be but one has to remain positive so yes, you will eventually ferret out some good pictures. Getting to this point usually involves begging one’s kids and friends to please take a “nice” picture, and not to close and not too much thigh action. OY. I don’t know how to alter my image and no one has the patience to teach me so who you see is who I am.  
For those who know how to photoshop or use filters, can you please teach me?  The end result is like having a little botox; you look refreshed not freakish. 
Then you fill out the “about you” column which includes basics like marital status, age (we covered that above), occupation, how much money you make, etc. After that, you have to fill out what you would like in a potential ‘Mr. Right’; or, as one of my friends calls it ‘Mr. Not Wrong’.
How about a guy with a pulse, just kidding, but not really. Key is what works for you. Age: there is a range so if you are “60”, you would most likely put 55-65 or, whatever floats your boat. I am not into trolling young YOUNG men but under 50 (not much under) could be damn exciting and vomitus at the same time.  
Of course, already included in your profile is how fabulous you are and how divine and wonderful and brilliant the potential Mr. Right is. NOT.
What we’re all looking for is a mensch: loosely translated – a nice guy who has all his teeth and is kind, compassionate, bright, likes to do more than watch TV and wants to be loved and to love. Emotionally distant, commitment phobic can keep walking. And, don’t’ get me started on the glass half empty guys or the ones who’ve never had a glass. PASS! 
We all have baggage and that’s to be expected and dealt with unless there are deal breakers which are eminently individual.
I did not mention sex because it’s a given that we all would like to have dynamite sex. Realistically, we would be happy with tender and loving sex and let the fireworks go. DAMMIT. Seriously though, as wonderful as sex can be, one has to alter expectations, if you know what I mean and that doesn’t mean it’s not great and fulfilling.  
Next step is signing up. I never take a package because I think that means I am relegated to be on these damn sites for months. Therefore, I have spent I don’t know how much money buying month by month because am superstitious, a touch cuckoo, and basically averse to saving a few sheckels at the risk of  a thousand years of endless first dates. 
After, you’ve tortured yourself with every insecurity that might plague you and we all have them; you’re ready to see what’s out there. 
Holy shizz. You are so not prepared for the crew that you are going to see. The 80 year olds who say that they are 50, the ones with no pictures because they are married, and yes, the pleasant looking guy who doesn’t look like an ax murderer is findable. Just beware of the blisters on your posterior “looking”. It can be very addicting and eminently mindless. 
Then we start what I euphemistically call the on-line dating cha cha. You reach out, you generally get a 15-20% return on your emails. Not fabulous but definitely ok. The likes and the winks are annoying and generally a waste of time. Ditto to the guys who say that they are “shopping” for the right person. Am I a new pair of shoes or a car? 
Ok so you go back and forth for a few emails. He’s actually nice and you are feeling comfortable. Who makes the first move? At this point, who cares? I am forward mostly because I have no patience for the cha cha unless it’s actually on the dance floor. If you are really brave, you jump over the awkward phone call and right to the let’s meet for drink. NEVER DO COFFEE. It’s a cheap way of getting a look-see amongst the screeching kids and nannies at Starbucks. Just saying. 
Let’s say you are relatively new at this so you go the phone call route. Guess what, he’s funny and charming and doesn’t seem to have insurmountable hang-ups. 
You agree on a place and you meet. Wait, you walk right passed him because he looks nothing like his picture. You, however, do indeed look like your picture so he recognizes you. Then there are the times that this first date does indeed look like his pictures. PHEW, what a relief.   
You go, GIRL! 

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About the Author:
Ellen lives and works in NYC. Her blog Sixty And The City takes us on a poignant and funny ride of the dating scene after 60. Follow Sixty And The City on Instagram and stay tuned here on Kuel Life for more anecdotes. This blog has been reposted with permission from  Sixty And The City.