Grief Kuel Thought Leader: Lisa Michelle Zega
Grief is not about letting go of your person or just moving on.
It’s about love and honor. Allowing your grief is giving honor and love to yourself and your loved one.
It often feels like you are being hijacked. Like when your brain gets foggy and you can’t think like you used to, you lose your appetite, or can’t sleep.
“You will find yourself analyzing your experience and resisting it.”
How Do Love And Honor Fit Here?
Two words. Notice and Allow.
First, just notice what is happening. Since you are human, with a human brain, you will want to judge what is happening. You will find yourself analyzing your experience and resisting it. This is totally normal.
Resistance is a kind of covering that’s attempting to keep you safe. When you detect resistance, practice letting it go. Notice your experience without reaction. As thoughts come about what is happening, and what it means for you and your future, gently release them while giving loving attention to your experience.
It’s natural to feel like you have to pretend to be your old self, pressured to move on, or keep your sad feelings to yourself. Instead of responding, imagine that you are turning up the dimmer switch in your mind to see what’s there.
Your Healing Begins With Loving Awareness:
You might even see that you judge yourself for judging yourself. This is what human brains do. It’s okay.
“You are not covering pain. You are giving kind attention to yourself.”
Simply release whatever thoughts you are having and notice the sensations in your body. Notice the feelings and thoughts coming up for you and gently let them go. Every time you give meaning to the experience, simply notice, and gently release it.
This loving awareness is giving attention to your precious life and helping you heal. You are not covering pain. You are giving kind attention to yourself. Grief is love and honor.
Now, allow whatever comes up without resistance. This means to make space for your experience. If you sense anger toward your loved one, you may find yourself stuffing it down, excusing them, or feeling guilty. Allow your feeling of anger to be there without judging it as bad or wrong.
Grief Stuck Inside You:
Again, you are practicing releasing judgment because grief is about love and honor. When you resist what occurs for you, you are judging yourself. This keeps you from the love and honor you need in your time of suffering which keeps grief stuck inside you.
“If you want to scream, allow yourself.”
So, if you want to cry, allow it. If you want to scream, allow yourself. If you are in a place where this isn’t feasible, then notice it. You can make time for what your body wants later. Give yourself loving reassurance that you are listening and will make time for the desired expression.
Judgment is a form of resistance and the antithesis of love and honor. Practice noticing and allowing your grief without judgment.
You Need Love And Honor To Heal:
As you practice, continue to release thoughts and feelings without seeking to grasp at it or retain them.
You may think this will take tons of time and energy. It doesn’t. This can be done in seconds. What takes time and energy is resistance. Resisting your experience is normal – especially when it’s painful.
You need love and honor to heal and your grief needs love and honor to metabolize. When you allow your grief to be seen, you make space for it to be attended, so that your precious heart will heal.
About the Author:
Lisa Michelle Zega is a Life Coach for Midlife Women of faith who are starting over after the death of a spouse or a divorce and are struggling with sadness and self-doubt. She helps them metabolize grief to retain all the nutrients, learning and wisdom and release the waste, so they can begin again with joy and confidence.
She was married to a pastor, divorced after 23 years of marriage and her boys stopped talking to her for nearly 6 years. Zega later buried a fiancé 5 months before their wedding day. She now lives with her handsome biker hubby, adorable Jack Russel and creative stepson outside of Los Angeles and enjoys a renewed relationship with her grown sons.
She’s a devoted Minnesota Vikings fan, enjoys people, loves to hike, read, travel and embraces the fullness of life — the joy, sorrow and all the in between. You can find more about Lisa Michelle at Legityou.com or Lisamichelle.legityou on Instagram.