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To Share or Not To Share

Kuel Life Featured Images January 2022 3

The Let Go: Charisse Glenn

Do you shout your goals out to the world before you start something new, or do you keep them to yourself as you test the waters?

There is no one size fits all answer to which way is correct, yet there are pros and cons to each approach; the manner we choose can vary with differing results.

“I learned to push the envelope when it comes to asking questions or making requests. And if you hear ‘that’s not possible,’ then to ask ‘what is possible,’ instead of just saying thank you and leaving.” ~Emily Weiss, Founder of Glossier

“Share your goals, but do it strategically.”


If we are goal setters and goal-getters, what method is best for reaching them?

To Share Or Not To Share?

Share your goals, but do it strategically. Who we share our goals with is an essential factor for achievement.

When we succeed in doing something, i.e., reaching an objective, our brain delivers a shot of the neurotransmitter dopamine to the brain’s pleasure center. Likewise, when we state a goal, our body prepares itself for that eventual pleasure chemical. Then when we succeed, we get the shot unless we short-circuit the process by telling people beforehand.

When we receive praise, dopamine is released in our brain, giving us a sense of premature accomplishment. But, unfortunately, this early praise fools us into feeling like we have already achieved our aim, thereby sharing our goals with anyone willing to listen can unknowingly dissipate our motivation.

We essentially cheat ourselves. Our incentive is reduced in a very physical way because we have already felt the accolades. 

“If you care what the person thinks of you, you may also have an impetus for doing well.”

Sharing Our Goals Can Be Productive:

However, there are times when sharing our goals is productive.

If you care what the person thinks of you, you may also have an impetus for doing well. For example, sharing your goals with a higher-up can keep you accountable and motivated because you have hopes of a promotion or raise. This ulterior motivation can keep you on your game.

The closer the relationship, often yields the best response. For example, rather than telling everyone you meet you will run a marathon, share it with those who will assist and encourage you to cross the finish line. This can be found in an accountability partner.

The benefits of accountability partners, in some cases, are helpful, but there is a caveat. The success lies in who it is. Therefore, the partner chosen determines the usefulness. How they use praise and their commitment are paramount.

Two Types Of Praise:

We can receive two types of praise, and the likelihood of reaching our goals is strengthened by one style.

“These comparisons may cause undue stress to measure up and fear of accomplishing the goal.”

Process Praise:

Process Praise emphasizes the work, effort, or actions you have taken, which leads to better outcomes. For example, praise in the form of, “You must have worked hard; it is well executed.” Or “I commend you for the many strategies implemented until you succeeded.”

Person Praise:

Whereas, Person praise, which is getting praised for who you are, has been found to backfire. Giving credit for someone’s personal qualities: “You must be smart.” Or “You did it before and got good marks, so don’t worry, you can do it again.” may generate anxiety in someone with low self-esteem.

These comparisons may cause undue stress to measure up and fear of accomplishing the goal. Interestingly, there is a tendency to give person praise or inflated praise to those with lower self-esteem thinking it is helpful.

Choose Who You Share With Carefully:

There’s nothing as satisfying as setting goals and achieving them; it feels good to get acknowledged, and who doesn’t want more of that? So, when we hear positive feedback on our progress, it can ignite a commitment to the goal, increasing our push to reach it, as well as providing positive reinforcement. But before you tell the world, make sure you start whatever you want to accomplish before you reach out for support. 

“Share the milestones, then chase the dreams quietly to the finish.”

Choose who you share with carefully. But sharing with others who have your true success in their sights can be valuable. The benefit of that support can outweigh the cost of reducing your brain’s dopamine. It will be evident to you when you find the correct person. You will feel more motivated, not less. 

Share The Milestones:

There is another factor in how to communicate our plans. Achieving goals and maintaining motivation is also attained by keeping the end goal to ourselves yet sharing what we are proactively doing to reach it. So, go for it, share the milestones, then chase the dreams quietly to the finish.

Our human need is to connect. As social beings, sharing our goals (with the right people) allows us to tap into this basic human need for community. To share or not to share comes down to knowing who and when to do it. Of course, the further we progress towards reaching the goal the closer to the finale we get. Consider holding off shouting it to the world and allow the achievement to be the grand reveal.

“Failing is a crucial part of success. Every time you fail and get back up, you practice perseverance, which is the key to life. Your strength comes in your ability to recover.” ~Michelle Obama, Former FLOTUS

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About the Author:

Charisse Glenn, Casting Director, Equestrian, and Creator of The Let Go. She is 62, gray, aging gracefully and has lots to say. Charrise is half Japanese and has the wisdom of that culture she was born into. She has been a casting director for commercials in Los Angeles for 35 years and is an equestrian having competed in 100-mile horse races around the world.

The initiative she writes, called The Let Go serves as a reminder to let go of all that no longer works in our lives, opening a pathway to happiness, love, and balance. Proudly she embraces the freedoms age provides serving as a role model to both men and women. She is a badass with a beautiful soft touch. You can find her on either her website , or follow her on The Let Go in Instagram.