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We’ve Got An Erotic Disaster On Our Hands!

beth keil

Sexuality Expert: Beth Keil

Recently, a woman asked, “Are there erotic or pornographic videos told from a woman’s pleasure perspective?”

In the movies she watched, it was men who were the stars of the story, and women just the supporting characters; they were about his pleasure, and after he came (also called “the money shot”), it was over.

“Letting go of old truths allows space for our positive affirmations to take hold.”

She Felt Her Own Pleasure Was Invisible And Dismissed And Unimportant:

In this culture, where men and the masculine have been the reference point for a very long time, it makes sense that women’s sexuality and sexual expression would end up being defined by it as well. Add to this, the culture’s goal/orgasm-oriented definition of sex, and we’ve got an erotic disaster on our hands!

How Come Erotic?

Since most men are only able to orgasm once or twice during lovemaking, the idea of love-making for hours, for a heterosexual couple, would sound pretty absurd; after all, how could a man stay hard for hours, without it turning into a medical emergency?

Now, let’s shift this perspective to women, who have the capacity for being multi-orgasmic.

Women Making Erotic Love For Hours? Absolutely!

Shift the perspective, you shift the outcome, and in the process – WHATS REALLY POSSIBLE!

Let’s make another shift, one to sexual erotic expression that is free of being goal/orgasm-oriented. Instead of orgasm as the goal, it is the couple who ‘defines’ their unique shared experience with each other. Now, pleasure, intimacy, and connection define their time together, however, they spend it!

Could This Be The End Of Performance Anxiety?

A woman shared with me her lover had grown up with this anxiety, but together, they ended it. Since they met, they were never orgasm-focused; instead, they were intimacy and pleasure focused, on each other and themselves.

How can there be anxiety when there’s no performance involved? And instead, you end up with good old-fashioned romance!

Their Lovemaking Would Last For Hours, Neither Knowing If He Was Hard Or Not, Nor Did They Care!

They explored, had fun, and went beyond what they had ever experienced with another lover. All of this took being vulnerable, and their willingness to shift their perspective and sexual reference points. They learned how to be spontaneous, and to let their passions guide them!

“They learned how to be spontaneous, and to let their passions guide them!”

How Are Your Reference Points Impacting Your Erotic Sexual Expression And Your Inner Aphrodite?

Ask yourself:

  • Were you brought up with a “good-girl” list, and if so, what was on it?
  • Do you compare yourself to others, and when you do, how do feel about yourself?
  • What messages did you grew-up with about sex and pleasure?
  • Have you ever had disappointing sex?

When working with women experiencing issues in the area of their sexuality and sexual expression, they too had their lists – they compared themselves to others, sexual pleasure was never mentioned, and they experienced disappointing sex, which made them think there was something wrong with them.

Reference Points Are Put In Place Early In Your Life, And They’re Invisible, Just Like The Air In A Room:

Their impact, however, isnt invisible, and your joy, pleasure, connection, and intimacy can suffer. Thinking your way out of it won’t help, as reference points have nothing to do with your intellect. If they did, no one would have issues!

Instead, you need to go to where their seeds took root – in your emotions and your body, leading to perceptions (aka, reference points) that then show up in how you react and think. This is what makes the difference for people I work with, paving the way for them to be at home with their sexuality, and experience joyful sexual expression!

Are You Ready For Your Reference Point To Change?

By scheduling your personal 30-minute Discovery Call, you can become clearer about the reference points you carry, those that interfere with your sexual expression, pleasure, and intimacy, AND how you can begin to recreate ones that reflect your needs, wants, and desires!

Here’s to Aphrodite Rising!

About the Author:

Beth Keil helps her clients change and transform their lives. She offers a special focus on helping people claim the birthright of their erotic identity and to live in the joy, intimacy, and connection it brings. Beth is a Registered Nurse, MindSet Coach, and a Board Certified Hypnotist. Through her work, she enjoys integrating all her interests, experiences, and skills to bring sensuality, sex, and the erotic into greater awareness and conversation. You can schedule a 30-minute complimentary phone consultation with Beth using the Discovery Session icon.

5 thoughts on “We’ve Got An Erotic Disaster On Our Hands!

  1. Kristen says:

    THIS!!! Thank you for writing this Beth. Just reading this information is healing in itself. Being brought up to feel ashamed of my body and everything related to sex, has affected many life decisions for me.
    Your articles resonate with my soul. Thank you.

    • Kuel Membership logo large
      Kuel Life says:

      Agreed. Beth is telling it like it is and we NEED to hear it. Thank you for being part of Kuel Life – we are unstoppable together.

    • Jenn Krusinski says:

      I 100% agree. Let’s just talk about this. I believe so many women want to be more open with their partners but they can’t even come to terms with what they want themselves due to the mind trash they’ve/we’ve carried. I love the idea of removing orgasm as the goal — so much pressure and too much focus — it blocks creativity and exploration.

      • Beth says:

        I love what you wrote, Jenn! Each of us needs to find, then use our voice, to share what we need or would like to explore.

        Orgasm-oriented sex is so limiting. We, instead, be a mentor to our lover, and expand the possibilities, creativity, and pleasure! Native cultures had this as part of life skills young people were mentored in.


    • Beth says:

      I’m so glad, Kristen, that this was healing for you; it was my hope it would be.

      We all deserve healing and be able to embrace our bodies and sexuality.

      All the best!


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