Sex, Aphrodite Awakening, Kuel Category Expert: Beth Keil
When I was younger, I couldn’t imagine anyone over age 60 having erotic and sexual needs and desires; and now, I am one of them! (Is this what they call a Cosmic Joke?)
Like most of us, my early relationship role models were my parents and grandparents. I don’t remember most of them kissing, just a perfunctory peck on the cheek, if that. Only my paternal grandparents lovingly touched each other. The others just seemed annoyed or distant.
What if We Lack a Model for Relationships That Fans and Sustains Sexual Desire & Passion?
We each grew up with a model, one that became part of our own consciousness and part of the greater collective. Like air, we aren’t aware of it. Nor, do we think much about it. Unless perhaps, when there’s a hurricane or a tornado. In other words, it becomes an invisible norm. We are, however, still affected by it. When what has been modeled for us is limiting, it in turn puts limits on our full self expression.
Unconsciously, we can get caught up in the societal programming that tells us the sexual desire we feel at the beginning of a relationship will go away in time and turn into a more ‘mature’ love. We don’t learn how to keep intimacy and sexual expression alive. As an example: You may have heard it said about parents, the number of children they have is equal to the number of times they had sex. It may not be said explicitly, but the message is clear. Parents are not sexual, they’re parents!
The importance of sexual desire, passion, and expression has been suppressed in the West since the 12th Century. So, it’s been part of our societal programming for a very long time. Given this length of time, you may not even be aware of the changes. It’s easy then, to take what you know or have experienced, as being normal.
Wilhelm Reich, the psychoanalyst and student of Freud, spoke of the importance of sexual expression and intimacy. He also developed the concept of body armoring, how coping patterns (defenses), show up in the body, and can lead to physical issues and disease.
In his 1942 book, The Function of the Orgasm, Reich wrote about orgasm as a physically pleasurable experience that calms the nervous system, decreases aggression and violent behavior, and helps keep us from becoming armored as a form of emotional protection. This translates into healthier people that create healthier societies.
How Do We Start Creating Deeper Connection and Intimacy?
One of the things I have learned from my work as a hypnotherapist is that our perceptions/worldview — and the thoughts, feelings, and actions they lead to — started when we were very young. They do not reside in our conscious awareness. But, they do get activated and expressed in relationships. Until they are brought to light and dealt with, which hypnotherapy can offer, they continue to get in the way of deep connections and intimacy of any kind. When you heal from this deeper level, using the subconscious mind, you are able to shift the societal programming, freeing yourself from the limits it imposed on your self-expression.
How to Keep Intimacy, Sexual Expression, and Passion Alive.
We need to create a new relationship model. One that isn’t based on patriarchy, or about having power over another person. We need a new model that celebrates the power we can experience with another person; a model that builds a partnership society. This would be a model that honors the sexuality, creativity, and uniqueness, of both people!
(If you want to know more about partnership societies, I highly recommend three of Raine Eisler’s books, The Chalice and the Blade, Sacred Pleasure, and Nurturing Our Humanity: How Domination and Partnership Shape Our Brains, Lives, and Future.)
A Different Relationship Model … One That Keeps the Sexual Erotic Embers Burning Bright!
When we see our partner as an independent and unique individual, and celebrate that when we are together, we are actually providing the fuel for intimacy, passion, and sexual expression.
What I mean by “independent” is we don’t need to complete each other. We are already whole and complete as we are. There’s nothing to fix – in the other person, or ourselves. We don’t need to spend time and effort to change the other person or who we are. It doesn’t mean we have to like the same things, do the same things, nor have the same friends. In other words, we get to be who we really are! We get to be a fully expressed version of our best selves.
How Do We Learn to Celebrate Diverse Uniqueness?
You may have heard of, or taken, the Myers-Brigs or the DISC profile personality tests. What I use instead, in order to understand uniqueness, is the oldest personality profile available: Astrology. By studying astrology and the twelve zodiac signs, you too can learn more about the diverse characteristics people can have, and view them as unique (after all, no two people have the same chart)!
I have a number of friends who are Virgos, and I understand they will want things to be done perfectly. Which isn’t the same as perfection, though they can struggle with that too. By understanding their uniqueness, I appreciate my friends, and am not put off when they go into details I don’t have an appreciation for, or need or want. I also acknowledge their perspective, and tell them (they are friends, after all) when I don’t want all the details.
Does This Sound Like Work, or Too Much to Do?
Anytime we’re changing a dynamic, it’s going to be work. But the work can be fun and exciting, while being a source of transformation!
You don’t need the other person to be onboard to do this. But, when done with each other, the results in the relationship are further expanded.This model, by the way, also works very well in non-romantic/sexual relationships.
You May Need to Mentor Your Partner. To Be a Mentor, You May Need Mentoring.
Are you interested in having a deeper conversation about transforming your relationship model? I am starting a women’s relationship wisdom circle this fall, so if you’re interested in learning more, contact me! My contact information is below.
I look forward to hearing from you, as we each transform our relationships and, therefore, the world!
About The Author:
Beth Keil helps her clients change and transform their lives. She offers a special focus on helping people claim the birthright of their erotic identity and to live in the joy, intimacy, and connection it brings. Beth is a Registered Nurse, MindSet Coach, and a Board Certified Hypnotist. Through her work, she enjoys integrating all her interests, experiences, and skills to bring sensuality, sex, and the erotic into greater awareness and conversation. You can schedule a 30-minute complimentary phone consultation with Beth using the Discovery Session icon.