KuelLife Logo home 1000

When Your Good-Girl Syndrome Puts You In Danger

beth 1

Sexuality Expert: Beth Keil

Were You Raised To Please Others Before Yourself?

When you were growing up, were you encouraged to know your own mind and have your own voice? Were you supported to trust and use your intuition, to honor your boundaries?

Without such experiences, speaking up for yourself can be a challenge, even in midlife.

As a result, you may find it challenging to set boundaries. Perhaps you have found yourself in situations, doing something you didn’t want to do. Maybe you were unable to stop the person. Maybe you didn’t know how, or were afraid to say no or stop; perhaps you were concerned their feelings would get hurt. You may have made excuses for them.

A Case Of Good-Girl Syndrome!

It also shows up when someone touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, even if you use your best non-verbal behavior, hoping they will notice.

“However, when you stir in Good-Girl Syndrome, things can go south.”

Your Voice Goes Silent, Even When You’re Screaming Inside:

It can happen when you’re out on a date with someone you don’t know, or even if you are with someone you know well.

Now in midlife, you might be new to dating, and have little recent experience using dating Spidey-senses! However, when you stir in Good-Girl Syndrome, things can go south.

Good-Girl Syndrome Companions: Guilt & Shame

“I should have known better!”, “How could I be so naïve?”, “What did I do to have this happen?”

Once you add judgment to this mix, it becomes easy to make what happened all about you, and not in the context of the situation, or the other person (or people). It also leads to more guilt and shame, and in this mode, you might have difficulty healing and trusting yourself.

My Good-Girl Appearance:

At the end of June, my Good-Girl showed up, placing me in potential danger:

I only had dating experience with people who were known by people I knew. Then, in June, I met someone at a coffee shop, and the next day we planned to have drinks at a bar at a local hotel/resort. I was clear I only had 90-minutes, as I had a client afterward.

He texted once I was outside the bar, to go over to another area; so, I did. Confused (I’d never been there before) he eventually led me to a door that opened up to a hotel room.

Good-Girl Walked In:

The lay of the land was apparent when he opened the door. This wasn’t what we agreed upon and here I was, silent.

“I got the room for the night”, he said.

I wasn’t staying – not only did I have a client, I wasn’t at all interested in him sexually! Assessing the situation was needed, especially how physical he might get.

Finding My Good-Girl Voice:

After an hour, I safely left. At the time, I wasn’t aware my natural instincts kicked in, and I found a way to keep him at bay, so the most he did was touch my arm as we talked while sitting on the couch.

When my voice kicked in, it was then things shifted, and I left.

“Remember, judgment is what will keep you stuck.”

Self-Judgement Not Required:

I hope your thoughts are kind to yourself, as being a good-girl can happen suddenly to any of us. Remember, judgment is what will keep you stuck.

As a hypnotherapist, I know you can’t talk yourself out of one’s good-girl, as she is wrapped in emotions, perceptions, and physical reactions. This wrapping comes from experiences you’ve had, starting at a very young age. This was a time when you subconsciously thought, if you weren’t good, then you wouldn’t be wanted or loved, and you’d always be alone.

It’s at the level of the subconscious mind, that clearing and healing take place. This experience threw me for a loop. Very briefly, I judged myself for not being aware of the situation I walked into. Then, I lovingly let go of those thoughts.

What really shook me was the impact on my awakened Aphrodite!

This was innocence lost, and I was grieving.

I knew it was resonance from my past, about my sexuality and safety. It was here that I needed to heal.

One part of reclaiming my Aphrodite, to reclaim my Self, was to be in my fear, sadness, and anger, and fully express them! I am grateful for the tools I have as a hypnotherapist, and for my good friends who listened and held space for me.

“I claim my Aphrodite as mine, and like my joy, no one can take it away!”

My Innocence Was Lost:

Now it’s about creating security and safety from within, while my assessment skills and dating protocols improve.

Moreover, I claim my Aphrodite as mine, and like my joy, no one can take it away! It isn’t situationally based, but inward.

What Have You Lost, And Want To Reclaim As Yours Again?

I know I’m not alone, which is why I shared all this.

  • Silence doesn’t bring healing.
  • Thinking you’re alone is untrue.
  • No one can intellectually think their way out.
  • You are worthy and deserving of claiming YOU!

If you think you might want to talk, below is how. I hope we do.

Here’s to Aphrodite Rising!

Did you enjoy this article? Become a Kuel Life Member today to support our ad-free Community. Sign-up for our Sunday newsletter and get your expert content delivered straight to your inbox.

About the Author:

Beth Keil helps her clients change and transform their lives. She offers a special focus on helping people claim the birthright of their erotic identity and to live in the joy, intimacy, and connection it brings. Beth is a Registered Nurse, MindSet Coach, and a Board Certified Hypnotist. Through her work, she enjoys integrating all her interests, experiences, and skills to bring sensuality, sex, and the erotic into greater awareness and conversation. You can schedule a 30-minute complimentary phone consultation with Beth using the Discovery Session icon.