Women’s Health: Michelle Zive
Midlife is the time to prioritize yourself!
I spent my first 18 years [emotionally] taking care of my mom and my younger sister and brother. I, also, beat my body into submission by starving myself and exercising like a fiend, getting straight A’s, and being the consummate people pleaser. The next two decades I became the perfect wife, mother to two daughters, employee and boss, and all-around good girl.
At age 32, I separated from my first husband after Molly, my oldest, had a ruptured appendix. This epochal event made me realize I was focusing on all the wrong things, mostly how things looked from the outside. I got a divorce and focused on my daughters. I went to therapy and began to write. I lost friends and gained new ones. I stopped working out seven days a week.
” This epochal event made me realize I was focusing on all the wrong things, mostly how things looked from the outside.”
At 38, I remarried a man who worshipped me, who loved me for who I was. The next year our son was born. And I balanced a baby, and a daughter beginning high school and another in middle school, as well as my career at UC San Diego and starting a PhD program age 49. Life was chaotic and messy.
It’s Time To Put Yourself First:
I cursed this crazy time in my life. I felt like I was drowning. In January 2017, I graduated from the University of San Diego with my PhD and was unceremoniously let go from my 30+ career at UC San Diego. The county public health department had taken over my grants (the ones I had applied for and successfully implemented and maintained with my team for over two decades) and they no longer saw the need to keep me.
I slept for two years. I was beyond burn out. I was exhausted. I went through the motions of working part-time at UC San Diego and fulfilled my consulting obligations. And I drank, ate, and slept. I gave up.
I woke up one day and realized that no one in my life, no matter how much they loved and adored me, would ever put me first. I needed to be the one who loved myself deeply and fiercely. I was the one who needed to put myself first.
3 Practical Ways To Prioritize Yourself:
1. Reclaim Your Personal Space And Time:
Set boundaries. Learn to say “no” without guilt.
You are in control of your schedule. Let those around you know what your schedule is not the other way around–accommodating everyone else’s calendar.
Set aside “me” time. Dedicate 30 minutes a day to what fills you up—reading, meditation, writing, hobbies, resting, etc. Note: You can split up the time throughout the day. Don’t panic. Baby steps.
Prioritize sleep. Find a sleep routine that promotes relaxation. Stick to your sleep schedule. If it works best for you to go to sleep at 9p and wake at 7a, so be it. Let your family know that this is non-negotiable.
2. Reconnect With Your Passions:
Explore your hobbies. Have you always wanted to grow saffron or Roma tomatoes? How about pet photography? Start a band? Knit a fisherman’s sweater? Now is the time. Take courses and workshops to expand your knowledge and develop new skills.
3. Prioritize Your Physical And Mental Well-Being:
Physical health:
Get physically active. Play. Garden. Boogie board. Hike. Dance. What is the difference between physical activity and exercise? Exercise is a type of physical activity that is planned, structured, and repetitive that aims to improve and maintain physical fitness, while physical activity is a broader term that refers to any bodily movement that requires energy. Eat healthily. Prioritize your sleep.
Mental Health:
Use therapy, meditation and mindfulness practices. Try journaling, being in nature, and breathing. All can help manage stress and ground you.
“Take control of your health.”
Regular Health Check-Ups:
Take control of your health. Stay on top of preventative healthcare by scheduling annual physicals, screenings, and tests to ensure long-term health and peace of mind.
You know what is great about being a middle-aged woman? A lot of things including being unapologetic and realizing it’s our time. Let us know what happens when you put yourself first. How do you feel? What is your energy like? How do others react/respond to the “new” you, one who prioritizes you?
In part 2, we will give more practical steps to putting yourself first.
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About the Author:
Michelle Zive, PhD, MS, RD has been a registered dietitian for over 30 years. She realized early in her career she wasn’t interested in doing one-one-one nutrition consults, instead she found her passion in getting funding to lead large public and community health projects at UC San Diego.
In her 40s, Zive was told she’d become invisible at 50. So, she got her PhD at 52. In her first doctoral leadership class, there wasn’t one woman leader mentioned.
This was the first time as an “older woman” she felt invisible and irrelevant. The irony was not lost on her that she had pursued her PhD to feel seen and heard, and she wasn’t. As result, she founded Representation Rebellion which is a movement for women to disrupt the stories they sell and tell us by telling our own. She is creating a journal called, “Pick Up This Fucking Journal” to help women rewrite their story. Zive is committed to women healing, practicing self-devotion, and being the hero of their story (and not a supporting character).
www.representationrebellion.com
