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7 Simple & Effective Steps To Declutter Relationships

Kay Newton March 2020

Connection Kuel Category Expert: Kay Newton

Marie Kondo, the decluttering queen has influenced many lives when it comes to the contents of wardrobes, yet did you know an annual spring clean of your connections and relationships will also create space in your life?

March is the perfect time to declutter and discard items that no longer serve, and we can use similar principals to discard old and unwanted connections.

Here are seven steps you can take to declutter relationships simply and effectively.

1. Make Decluttering Connections a Ritual
As we grow and change it is inevitable that some of our relationships will no longer serve and our attachment to them will need to be reformed allowing for the new to enter our lives. When you hold on to relationships that no longer serve it may feel comforting and familiar; yet the key is to overcome the fear of the unknown, which in turn, allows change to take place.

Set time aside to do the process outlined below. Think of it as a mini ritual. Allow yourself the space to tap into your inner powers. Take your time to do the process and then repeat as needed. Simples.

2. Small Steps First
To begin, take small steps and get very clear on which connections you wish to work on. Use this powerful visualisation to tap into your subconscious. The first time I used it, I ended in tears, the type that just flows and never wants to stop. Not only did I let significant people ‘go’; I also reconnected to the spirit of my grandmother who had played such a huge role in my childhood and someone I had forgotten for many years. I now have her photo on my desktop so I connect every day.

Make sure you are somewhere undisturbed. You will need around 30 minutes. Sit quietly and have pen and paper handy for when you finish the process. You can put on some quiet background music if you wish. Take a few deep breaths, close your eyes, and imagine sitting in a theatre waiting for the stage performance to begin. Slowly from left to right, you will see a procession of people that you know, past and present walk by. Each one will stop at the centre of the stage and look towards you.

You will be able to feel the energy they create inside of you (heavy or light). If you focus on a person that immediately drains your energy, makes you feel empty, or uninspired take a mental note. When you open your eyes, write down the names of those people who caused you to feel heavy. Now is the opportunity for you to decide whether you want to let these people go.

3. Sincerely Want to Make the Changes
We spend our lifetimes forming attachments to things; people; places; thoughts; and emotions. Our lives can become overburdened with so much trivia that we are unable to see what truly matters. Before you let anyone go you have to want to let them go.

Taking time to write down what you want allows you space to visualise and align yourself with what truly matters. Now is the time to let go of attachments to the past and fears of the future. The use of a Journal is a fabulous way to connect the brain, heart, and intuition (gut feeling) to define what you truly want in your life. Never underestimate the time spent in this process as a means to find answers. You do not need to show this work to anyone, it can always be ceremoniously burnt.

4. Follow Your Heart, Mind and Intuition
There is a magical word that can be used regularly when it comes to decluttering relationships – NO. You do not need to accept invitations, as long as you follow these two steps.

Firstly, make sure you are in align with your intuition (listen to your body) and secondly say ‘No’ with love without the need to make an excuse. For example, if Joan invited you to coffee and the thought makes you feel heavy; you are not obliged to go so you can always say with love, “Thank you or thinking of me, not this time.” That’s it!

5. Gratitude and Ho’oponopono
No matter what type of relationship and connection you are intending to declutter, it is important to let them go with gratitude. To have the ability to say thank you and goodbye allows the universe to hear that you are moving on.

Another fabulous way to do this is to use the ho’oponopono prayer, spend a few minutes chanting the mantra “I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” Then move to step six.

6. Detach From The Process
The challenge here is to let go of the unknown and trust that the process above works. Once you have made the decision to declutter a connection and followed the processes above, there is no need to do any more. Trust in the process, believe that something greater than you knows what is best for you, and has your back. No need to dwell upon the fact. Gradually, you will disconnect from those who no longer serve you.

7. Love Thyself – Be Sensibly Selfish
There is nothing more powerful than the phrase ‘you are the only person you will spend your whole life with’ to allow you to think about what you truly want to have in your life. Regret is a fabulous motivator. Ask yourself; ‘Do you really want to get to the end of your life and wish you had done things differently’?

Once you have completed all of the steps above, take time to recap all of the stages and note what worked and what needs to be adjusted for use the next time. Make space in your diary to repeat the process as often as necessary. For more help and guidance you can find me www.KayNewton.com.

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About the Author:

Kay is the founder of Midlife Strategies, an award-winning International Speaker, and enthusiastic author. She is an acknowledged expert guiding women to find their mojo, through the Midlife Squeeze.

Kay’s books include: 

Today, Kay lives a simple life next to a beach in Mallorca, Spain. You can find Kay here: www.KayNewton.com.