Momming Adult Kids: Denise Drinkwalter
Note to self: “As Mom I don’t have to be the only support available”
As I write the thoughts swirling in my head, I can’t help but squish a little smirk. Let me share what is in my head so you can catch up with me.
This past week, I received a phone call from our eldest daughter, who rarely calls to chat. (I was preparing to head into a class I paid and signed up for and missing one class means no certificate of participation would be granted). As I picked up the phone there was a different uneasy silence. Silence, in and of itself, is not unusual as she has two little children at home and multi-tasking is a daily way of life. This was different.
When Your Children Suffer:
“My heart jumped into overdrive and my mouth was on auto-pilot”
It was a matter of seconds, which seemed like an eternity, when the wails and horror and suffering emanated through the phone. She began crying so dramatically that it was impossible to hear what she was even saying. My heart jumped into overdrive and my mouth was on auto-pilot I asked, do you need me to come over (we are 10 min drive away)? “NO,” she said…. and proceeded to calm down enough to share the sadness she was experiencing.
She called because she just received really upsetting news from a close friend. She insisted I get ready for class and that she would be fine. I asked her if she was sure, and told her I would skip class. Again, she insisted that I stay in class. I immediately texted her sister to see if she could be on the phone with her. She was free and able to do so, actually on the phone with her when I texted. Everything worked out and the two sisters were able to create some ways to help her through the tough stretch. Later that day I messaged our youngest daughter to thank her for being there for her sister who was very distraught, and she texted,….”Of course. It’s my job!”
Other’s Can Offer Support:
“Just because we are Moms doesn’t always mean that we have to hold everyone’s energy and strife.”
Being a compassionate, loving sister was her job, and she was honoured to be there for her sister. Things worked out exceptionally well. If I took it to be my job as Mom, jumped in the car and arrived at my eldest daughter’s doorstep I would have robbed them of this wonderful opportunity to support each other. I would have taken control of a situation that wasn’t mine to take.
You ask why am I sitting and smirking right now?
Here is a beautiful illustration of what I share with my clients. The importance of sharing the load and being okay with allowing others to support your adult children. Share the load as it doesn’t always need to land on your shoulders, Mom. Just because we are Moms doesn’t always mean that we have to hold everyone’s energy and strife.
Share The Load Of Support:
Grant yourself permission right now to let go and share the load. What if there is an opportunity for others to support your family unit in new ways when you, as Mom, step aside or, perhaps get pulled aside as a result of other commitments? When you find yourself in the midst of a distressing phone call or something similar I encourage you to listen first and then ask “What can I do to help you right now?” Take a pause from jumping into action without understanding what they need or want. This is a huge benefit to everyone. Can you think of a time when your Mom’s instinct kicked in and you wish you had pushed pause or maybe were forced to hit pause and see what could have been a different end result?
About the Author:
Denise is a sought-after international empowerment life coach who fully believes in the power of awareness, self-care, knowledge, and time. Denise has a gift and is able to combine her 31 years of award-winning teaching, and first-hand experiences as a Mom of three incredible well-established, happy and prosperous children to support the successful coaching roles she enlists.
She is an experienced Empowerment Life Coach and has worked with hundreds of clients taking them from being hollow, overwhelmed, and lost to finding purpose and zest for life! You can learn more about Denise here.