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Stop Apologizing So Much – Illa, 41

Illa Lynn SYSWSJ 102520

Illa is no stranger to life’s pains. A survivor of verbal and emotional abuse, Illa Lynn believes in the power of forgiveness, self love and self acceptance.

For her, that’s what brought her peace and helped her overcome. The suicide death of her cousin spurred her to become a mental health advocate and pursue a field of study to help others.

Illa Lynn has transitioned from a two decade corporate life to pursue her passion as a Transformation Life Coach. She understands high performance/ambitious moms and is committed to helping them design meaningful, well-balanced lives cultivated on authenticity and self-love.

This week’s Share Your Story: Illa Lynn.

KUELLIFE: What are you pursuing now, at this stage of your life, that surprises you or might appear to others as if it comes out of left field?

ILLA: After two decades in the corporate world I am following my passion of serving other mom professionals in mastering the art of creating meaningful lives, free of stress, guilt or regret that are in alignment with their truest authenticity. Naturally this came as a surprise to those who assumed I would never lift my anchor and leave the industry I was in, but this time I didn’t spend my energy justifying why and that was so enormously liberating. My whole life I felt trapped thinking I had to validate my choices and opinions.

It was a long journey from where I started decades ago, to where I am today, but one I would embark on again in a heartbeat.This last decade in particular was transformational for me, as I became a mom and also got the opportunity to truly get to know and love myself on an exceptionally deep level. Certainly there were challenges, ups and downs on my path to soul evolution, but I learned that life happens for us and not to us. As I reframed my perception and peeled off the layers one by one I found myself again.Underneath the layers of people’s opinions and expectations of what I should be or shouldn’t be, under the pressure to conform to something I refused to become, my destined purpose emerged. It took a few radical decisions and action steps, but for the first time in my life it felt right. This is when I knew that I was just beginning my extraordinary Quest.

KUELLIFE: What’s a typical day like for you?

ILLA: I am what you would consider an early bird and love to wake up around 5 am. This is my self-care time and when I meditate, listen to my personalized affirmations and journal my intentions for the day. Several months ago I was introduced to ZIVA meditation. It is a combination of Meditation, Mindfulness and Manifesting and may I say a perfect fit for high performers like us. ZIVA meditation strategically fell into my lap, just as I was looking for an alternative to take my current practice to the next level. ZIVA also means Bliss, which is one of my favorite words, and so happens it is embedded in my business name, Inspire Blissful Joy, LLC. Serendipity? Perhaps , or could it be some cosmic way of telling me I am in alignment?

KUELLIFE: With what do you struggle?

the trap of feeling not worthy enough or to question the path ahead”

ILLA: There are days where I wake up and have to remind myself of my purpose and my mission. It’s human nature to fall back into the trap of feeling not worthy enough or to question the path ahead. On those days, I have a special set of rituals to help remind me that my work matters, that I matter and that my gift is meant for the greater good. As a wise man once said, we must daily stand guard at the gates of our mind.

KUELLIFE: How do you motivate yourself and stay motivated?

ILLA: Having a clear vision of what I want and why I want it helps me stay motivated and focused. Seeing results and transformations of women I am privileged to coach is a great catalyst for my motivation. Decades ago, I made a choice to become a student of Life and make a conscious effort to learn something new every day. It gives me great pleasure to share this acquired wisdom with my clients as they discover their zeal.

KUELLIFE: What advice would you give fellow women about aging?

ILLA:: Every level in our life requires a new version of us. I would say that we become more confident, graceful, and more polished versions, as we seek to grow in maturity and experience. From my perspective, life only gets better with age.

I associated vulnerability with weakness and made certain not to show it to the world”

KUELLIFE: What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?

ILLA: My relationship with vulnerability has changed over the years. Initially, I associated vulnerability with weakness and made certain not to show it to the world. It was a struggle keeping this mask on; because, as an empath I am guided by my emotions. Presently, I embrace my vulnerability as strength and one of my core values. Many doors have opened when I made the conscious choice to strip it all down and step into my authentic self.

KUELLIFE: What are three events that helped to shape your life?


1. Surviving and overcoming emotional/verbal abuse and finding my solace through the power of forgiveness, self love and self acceptance.

2. Birth of my two children. They are my why and the reason for me choosing to pursue my destined path sooner than later. I want to be more present in their lives, spend more quality time before they are off living their lives, and lead by example that kindness, determination and massive action can have a profound impact on everything we desire in life.

3. Losing my cousin to suicide.The day I got the devastating news I was heartbroken. For years thereafter, I felt a sense of regret for not being there. Thinking, had I been there to be a sounding board, or offer some encouragement, perhaps the outcome would have been different. From that point on, I immersed myself in mental health advocacy and decided to pursue my Psychology degree. My goal was to help others heal and overcome their challenges and the more I dug myself into it, the more it became evident that our society suffers from the ‘I am not enough’ syndrome.

KUELLIFE: Who influenced you the most in life and why?

ILLA: A plethora of amazing humans shared their wisdom with me over the years, but my late boss was someone who left an enormous mark on my soul. She was an amazing woman, full of life and always looking at a glass half-full despite her challenges. She helped me cope through my journey while I healed my deep emotional wounds. Her guidance helped shape my perspective and got me out of my shell to become more assertive and daring in life and work.

KUELLIFE: What is the best advice you’ve been given from another woman?

ILLA: By far the best advice I got was to stop apologizing so much.This was a true awakening, because I didn’t realize I was doing it. We do so many things in life subconsciously and it helps to turn the lens on us for a moment of clarity. As young girls we are wired to be polite and yield to others. This faulty programming does not serve us well in today’s society, as we miss out on opportunities or are perceived as the weaker gender. The time has come for us to step up and stop apologizing for our existence, our brilliance and pave the path for the next generation of women.

KUELLIFE: What woman inspires you and why?

ILLA: Oprah Winfrey is one of my top choices. Her strength, grace and groundness inspires me every time I hear her speak. In the face of adversity she has risen above the challenges and set the foundation for kindness and humanity. She grew stronger through her pain, invested in herself and others, shared her wisdom and prosperity to make the World a better place. I aspire to be her, when I grow up.:)

KUELLIFE: Are you grown-up?

ILLA: I feel that we continue to go through growing pains even as adults, and while we may lose touch with our inner child, life has a way of sending us back in time. As we juggle our daily demands, it is easy to forget and neglect this inner child; however, once in a while when we drift off to the daydream land, we find each other again. So in a nutshell, we are never truly all grown up.

KUELLIFE: What do you do for self-care?

ILLA: I make time for self-care daily. Mornings I do my meditation, journaling, and intended goal setting exercise.You may also find me buried in a good book, with candle light, and cup of hot tea, or walking on the beach feeling sand between my toes. As a working mom, I don’t get much time in the day, so I have to steal those moments whenever I can. Stepping away and disconnecting even for a moment, helps me be more connected and more present in life. For me self-care is non- negotiable.

KUELLIFE: And last but definitely NOT least: What are the top three things on your bucket list?


  • One of my top goals is to expand my company, Inspire Blissful Joy (IBJ) globally and impact millions of lives by building a global team of courageous women to teach our Methodology and spread awareness about self-love being the main catalyst for internal Bliss. I have a dream of IBJ becoming a self-love movement where women all across the world step into their authenticity and claim lives they deserve.
  • Visit Bali and Santorini for the second Honeymoon. My husband and I also plan on retiring and taking RV trips to all the US destinations we have on our list to explore. Naturally, I see myself serving more people along the way, making new friends and connections for life. We are here on borrowed time, so we should strive to leave an imprint wherever we go.
  • For some time now, I have been contemplating writing a book on overcoming Emotional & Verbal Abuse and to share my healing journey. I deeply feel that my message would resonate with the mass majority of women who are suppressed from expressing themselves and living lives free of fear, judgement, and scrutiny. I want to encourage them that healing is possible and that all they need to break out of these shackles is to ignite this glimmer of light within them.