Momming Adult Kids: Denise Drinkwalter
Hello Moms in midlife years, are you wondering, “Where am I now?”
This may be where you are at the moment, or it may be where you once were, or perhaps you haven’t reached that stage yet. As we experience life as middle-aged women, a lot of questions begin to arise.
Several factors contribute to these questions, such as physical changes during perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopause, our family structures evolving, with our children growing into young adults and our parents aging.
“Midlife often becomes a time of life in which we reflect on what we have or haven’t done in the past.”
Where Am I Now?
What I have recognized and learned, not only from my personal experience but also from supporting my clients over the past five years, is that these external life experiences that we encounter during our middle age years begin to affect our inner selves. We may begin to ask ourselves internal questions, such as “Where am I now?”
Midlife often becomes a time of life in which we reflect on what we have or haven’t done in the past. We may start to feel guilty or remorseful as moms as we watch our children as young adults make decisions that are not in their best interests many times I find that we take responsibility for their decisions as a direct impact of what we did or didn’t do as parents.
We sometimes take the history of what we did or didn’t do as Moms and the reason for our kids struggling is a reflection of our parenting. If this resonates with you, I want to share with you the importance and power that you have to massage and weaken the guilt and remorse that you may be experiencing.
Two Things To Help Move Forward:
There are two things that are key to helping move forward instead of getting stuck in the past and feeling remorseful and guilty for things that I have or haven’t done, bringing up BIG guilt from my mom’s journey. Firstly, I recognize that focusing on guilt does not serve me, so I try to extract learning from those thoughts and patterns instead. What is the learning that I want to take into the present so that I do not repeat the same patterns of behavior?
I take that learning and move forward, not only for myself but also for my relationship with my children. When moving into this kind of action, the benefits will far outweigh the deficits, and I find when I use my past to learn instead of creating darkness and overwhelm and using guilt to beat yourself up.
Secondly, I want to share we can only do what we are capable of doing in the moments in time in which we are currently in. Therefore, I want everyone to understand that one was doing the best that you could in that moment in time in your life.
“So, when you ask yourself, “Where am I now?” I hope your answer is, “I am in the present.”
It is not capable to expect anything more or anything less. It is not for us, and certainly not beneficial to anyone to be influenced by the past because it’s gone, what is done is done. When we keep stuck on things that are done and have been done or not done, it’s impossible to move forward, grow, and learn. Remaining stuck in the past does a HUGE disservice not only to ourselves but also to those whom we love dearly within our sphere of influence.
When The Past Creeps In:
So, when you ask yourself, “Where am I now?” I hope your answer is, “I am in the present.” When the past creeps in, as it will, take the lens of learning into the thoughts and help you and those you love benefit from your fortitude to learn from the past and move into the present.
When you live your life with the focus being present every single day, doing the best that you can for yourself and those within your sphere of influence, you will create a life that seizes each and every day for its fullest potential, and believe me everyone wins when you do.
Did you enjoy this article? Become a Kuel Life Member today to support our Community. Sign-up for our Sunday newsletter and get your content delivered straight to your inbox.
About the Author:
Denise is a sought-after international empowerment life coach who fully believes in the power of awareness, self-care, knowledge, and time. Denise has a gift and is able to combine her 31 years of award-winning teaching, and first-hand experiences as a Mom of three incredible well-established, happy and prosperous children to support the successful coaching roles she enlists.
Struggling with the thoughts of the past and having a hard time breaking through? Feeling stuck in guilt and remorse? Book a FREE Midlife Breakthrough Session and create a min-plan to move forward TODAY
