Self-Talk Strategies For Women Over 50: Stop The Inner Critic And Take Back Control

We all do it—maybe not every day, but often enough to know the damage it can do. That mean self-talk. The voice in your head that whispers:

• I’m not good enough.
• I’m a bad mom.
• I’m not lovable.

It haunts us. Limits us. Holds us back.

And yet, those thoughts feel so real. So loud. So constant.

Why Negative Thoughts Are So Common:

Here’s some reassurance: You’re not broken. You’re human. In The Happiness Trap, author Russ Harris notes that 80% of our thoughts carry some sort of negative content. That’s not a personal flaw—it’s biology. Our brains evolved to scan for threats and problems, so negativity is baked into the system.

But here’s the thing:

It’s not the thoughts that shape your life—it’s the ones you believe and replay all day long.

“It’s not the thoughts that pass through your head that impact your life; it’s the ones you take ownership of.” — Michael Neill

Thoughts are just that: words in your head. Mental stories. Sometimes helpful, often not. The goal isn’t to eliminate negative thinking: it’s to stop giving it so much power.

Self-Talk Strategies For Women Over 50 That Actually Work:

A powerful approach to quieting the internal bully comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). These practices, called defusion techniques, help you step back from your thoughts rather than get tangled up in them.

1. Label the Thought

Instead of saying, “I’m a terrible friend,” shift it to:

“I’m having the thought that I’m a terrible friend.”

Change “I’ll never be successful” to:

“I’m having the thought that I’ll never be successful.”

It may seem small, but this reframe creates distance. You’re no longer inside the thought—you’re observing it. That distance makes all the difference.

2. Thank Your Mind

This one’s surprisingly effective. If your brain starts spinning anxious stories—like, “What if the plane crashes?” or “What if the pilot doesn’t know what he’s doing?”—don’t panic.

Instead, say:

“Thank you, mind. I know you’re trying to keep me safe. But I’ve got this.”

Acknowledging your brain’s protective instincts can actually help calm them down. It’s a way of saying, “I see you. But you can take the day off.”

3. Sing the Thought or Say It in a Silly Voice

This one’s fun—and it works. Try singing your mean self-talk to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or The Itsy Bitsy Spider. Or say it in your best Elmer Fudd or cartoon villain voice.

The more ridiculous you make it, the harder it is to take seriously. And that’s the point.

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” — Norman Vincent Peale

4. Visualize or Name the Story

Picture your negative thought floating down a stream on a leaf. Watch it drift away. Or give your recurring thought pattern a name: “Ah, there’s the ‘I’m not smart enough’ story again.”

Naming and visualizing give you space. And space gives you power.

You Are Not Your Thoughts:

You don’t have to believe everything you think. You don’t even have to argue with it. You just need to notice it, label it, and let it pass like a cloud across the sky.

The mean self-talk will come. But you don’t have to invite it in, hand it a drink, and let it move in.

You’re capable. You’re worthy. You’re human—and that’s more than enough.