I’m Addicted

I’m one of those women who has chosen to go the route of BHRT (bio-identical hormone replacement therapy). 

“Don’t even get me started on how Viagra is covered by insurance”

Every three and a half months I drive 45 minutes, each way, so that a doctor can slice my backside open, and insert a set of pellets into me. Oh, and to boot, insurance doesn’t cover the cost of the medication. I fund this out of pocket. (Don’t even get me started on how Viagra is covered by insurance but hormones are not. Clearly, erectile dysfunction is a matter of our national right to health) 

I’ve tried the creams and the patches with little to no positive results. Using this unique delivery system (pellets placed under the skin in the fat of the hip) allows the pure hormone to be delivered directly to my bloodstream. What’s kuel about it – at least for me – is that the pellets act as a reservoir of hormones that allows my body to take as much testosterone or estradiol as  it needs at any one time. Meaning, if I am exercising intensely, my body can draw more and vice versa for those times I am glued to the couch hypnotized by Netflix.

Being A Woman Ain’t For Sissies

It really doesn’t hurt much. I mean when you compare it to some of the other joys of womanhood; menstrual cramps, childbirth, kickstarting breastfeeding. But nonetheless, it does put some limitations on me for the first four to five days. No swimming, hot tubs, nor heavy lifting (like weighted squats). 

“I know BHRT is not for everyone. But, for me it provides life altering benefits.”

If you are wondering if it’s worth it. Absolutely! What I give up and endure in discomfort beats the alternatives: hot flashes, poor to no sleep, brain FOG, emotional instability, and BACK FAT. It’s a no brainer for me. Even though I have to sign scary paperwork, every time, that basically has me admitting that I am choosing BHRT even though it might/probably give me cancer. I know BHRT is not for everyone. But, for me it provides life altering benefits.

I was set for my appointment last week and last minute my doctor had to reschedule due to a family emergency. WHAT? What kind of emergency could outweigh my body’s need for the elixir cocktail of estradiol and testosterone? And, how cruel is the world that I am supposed to ‘handle’ life without the help of my little pellet friends?

This past week has been brutal. Some nights my Apple watch confirms what my burning eyes and low grade headache have already alerted me to … that I’ve had two hours of sleep. I can’t remember stuff…like how to end this sentence. I’m an emotional train wreck. One second I’m fine, grateful for my life. The next second, I’m despondent and hiding under my comforter in bed. At least the shar pei puppy rolls on my back are still absent… for now. 

I’m Addicted

“When did sleeping, thinking, and emotional equilibrium become a luxury or ‘nice to have’?”

I’m not sure how it happened, but I’m addicted. It’s not the oxycodone high or the morphine tingle, through my veins, that I crave. It’s just feeling like a normal, functioning woman. Seriously, how crazy is that? Why does aging have to be so cruel to us? When did sleeping, thinking, and emotional equilibrium become a luxury or ‘nice to have’?

So, for the next few days I’ll muddle through doing my level best to not screw anything up at Kuel Life, or hurt a family member in a fit of rage, or huddle in the corner bawling. Instead, I’ll indulge in visions of my reunion with that scalpel and its ability to deliver my drug of choice.  

P.S. Please note, I am NOT recommending or suggesting that everyone or anyone, for that matter, start BHRT. It is a very personal choice with many pluses and minuses that need to be weighed by the individual woman and her doctor(s).

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