Parent Coach for Moms of Teens: Fern Weis
You’re wallowing in self-pity. Something troubling is going on. Maybe you’ve been told:
- Snap out of it!
- How long will you feel sorry for yourself?
- It’s not as bad as you think.
- Other people have it worse.
- Get on with your life.
Feeling Sorry For Yourself:
There’s truth to some of it. Yes, there are people who are worse off, and yet.. your problems are real. They don’t improve because someone else is suffering more than you.
It’s comforting to know you’re not alone; however, coping and problem-solving can’t happen when you’re feeling sorry for yourself. What you really want is to feel hopeful and get out of the mess.
“There are benefits to temporarily going into the self-pity pit.”
There are benefits to temporarily going into the self-pity pit. Here’s why.
Stuffed emotions may seem to be under control. In reality, they are festering and growing. They will quietly, or explosively, disrupt any sense of calm and order you may have.
Hidden emotions impact relationships and can make you react in controlling, even hurtful ways. The feelings you ignore prevent you from making reasonable, thoughtful decisions.
You’re Not Alone:
Do you ever wonder if your feelings are normal? If everybody has it together except you? Maybe you feel different or weird, and avoid sharing. You’re not alone. Everybody has gone through it.
Expressing sadness, disappointment, and anger helps decrease their intensity. It can be helpful… just don’t stay there too long because you’ll drive people away. Nobody wants to be around someone who’s complaining and negative all the time.
I used to stew in my emotional soup for too long. I’d be in a rut, my thoughts obsessive. No relief, just feeling stuck and powerless. Then I judged myself for being stuck and felt even worse!
“New mantra? It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself.”
A Moment Of Clarity:
Finally, a moment of clarity. It’s okay to moan and groan. Be aware you’re doing it, and set a deadline. “I will cry and whine for 30 minutes/two hours/a day, and then I’m done.” You’ll experience healing and energy when you give yourself permission to feel lousy. When you’re done, make a decision to be ready to move on.*
The path to change and feeling better is action, which includes asking for help from someone who knows more than you, or has worked their way out of a similar situation.
New mantra? It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself. Set a deadline and get out of your head and into action.
*You may have concerns that will benefit from and/or require the help of a mental health or medical professional. It is a strength to ask for help. Get a referral from a friend, speak to your doctor or call a hotline. You can feel better, so don’t wait. You matter!
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About the Author:
Fern Weis is a Parent Empowerment Coach for Moms of Teens and a Family Recovery Coach. She’s also a wife, former middle school teacher, and the parent of two adult children who taught her more about herself than she ever could have imagined.
Fern partners with moms of teens and young adults, privately and in groups. She helps them grow their confidence to build strong relationships and emotionally healthier kids who become successful adults. She knows first-hand that when parents do the work, the possibilities for change are limitless; that it’s never too late to start; and you don’t have to do it alone. Learn more about Fern at www.fernweis.com.
