Six months into this social distancing thing I realize I have slipped into what would be better termed as social isolation.
It’s been an invisible slippery slope for me. Back in March I carved out time everyday to connect via phone or zoom with friends. Now, for the life of me, I cannot remember when that dwindled; and, I can say with certainty it’s pretty much gone now.
The thing is that I don’t really miss it all that much. As a person of extremes, I do miss the ‘ALL’ part of my life (as I spoke about in the ‘My Struggle With The InBetween’  Jack’s Smack). I do long for the lost days of travel. But, from the day in and day out of life, I’m pretty satisfied with my own company.
The Binge Extrovert
“I love being the life of a party, the center of attention; for about 10 seconds.”
A dear friend of mine labeled me a Binge Extrovert a while back. I love being the life of a party, the center of attention; for about 10 seconds. Then, I’m good to go home and stay there for quite some time. I’ll go all out and I’m good at it; sincerely so. But, it’s not sustainable for me and is quite a drain on my energy reserves.
Currently, I am left wondering if being a Binge Extrovert is like having a sugar addiction. The experts write about how difficult it is, at first, to give up sugar – the withdrawals can be taxing. But, then they say you won’t lust after, or miss it all. I haven’t had a good people binge in ages. And, I find that I’m craving them less and less. Maybe this is what it’s like to give up sugar. Sadly, I’ll never know.Â
Silence Is Golden
“Will I eventually break-up with myself?
Here’s the deal. I don’t mind being alone. I know there’s a bunch of science around longevity and happiness being linked to social connections. It’s not that I don’t believe the science, I do. But, so far, and maybe there will be a limit to this, I’ve discovered I’m my own best friend. I love my own company. No compromises, no arguments, no second guessing what I want or need. I get along with me, swimmingly. How long will this NRE (new relationship energy) last? Will I eventually break-up with myself?
These days, I spend an inordinate amount of time in my own head. Research has found that we use about 16,000 words per day. If that’s true then, my word piggy bank is stuffed. Outside of a ‘Good Morning’ to family members and the occasional, loving, cute kitty talk to my two office mates, I pretty much stay quiet all day. Yes, I do have meetings and go to the grocery store every now and again, but the reality is that most days I don’t say much – out loud, anyway. Inside my head, there’s a cacophony of conversation.Â
Someday soon, although some would say not soon enough, there’ll be a vaccine for this virus and we will all be allowed to resume our pre-Covid lives. The thing is I don’t know that I will, can, or, necessarily want to. And, I realize that just like the slippery slope that got me to the place where I enjoy the introvert in me; there may be a gradual imperceptible slide back. One lunch date with a girlfriend may lead to a small gathering at a friend’s house which then may be the gateway back to my 10 seconds on center stage. Only time will tell.
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I am an introvert by nature. Those whose energy is fueled by parties, social interaction has never been the case for me. I am always refueled by being alone. That’s not to say I don’t miss being able to go out and socialize w/o fear of catching COVID, but like you, for the most part I think I’m pretty good company. Many equate alone with loneliness, and it’s two completely separate things. I speak out loud a lot because I have two dogs. 🙂 I speak to my cats too, but they really could care less. Great article! I think we all are learning a lot about ourselves during this time.
Thanks for reaching out Michele. It is a wonderful thing to like oneself. I agree that loneliness and alone are completely different situations. I have felt lonely before – while not being alone. That’s not a great feeling. I am never lonely with just me. My kitties at least pretend to care when I speak to them. Alas, I have no dogs.
I relate so much to this! In the beginning I was all about the Zoom life – but I spent so much time sitting and being on a schedule it wasn’t so good for my mental health. Now I’m truly my own best friend… though more freedom and more choices would be a blessing.
Happy to hear you can relate… It’s kinda fun to hang out with ourselves for a bit and it be ok… I too am ready for some deposits into the choice/freedom account!