Kim Muench, Becoming Me Thought Leader
“HELP! I often find myself extremely worried about my 21-year-old daughter’s future. For example, my daughter struggles with her schoolwork and at times she seems unmotivated, I fear she will never succeed in life. How can I manage my anxiety?”
Supporting Your Adult Daughter:
It’s completely natural for parents to worry about their emerging adult’s future. However, excessive worry, especially when projecting today’s issues far into the future, can be counterproductive. This tendency, known as future tripping, involves expecting the worst possible outcomes for them based on current behavior. It’s a common thinking error where your thoughts don’t align with reality, often magnifying problems unnecessarily.
Such errors distort reality and almost always paint a bleaker picture than warranted. Common thinking errors include overgeneralizing single negative events and labeling her based on isolated incidents. To change this pattern, recognize these thoughts as distortions and remind yourself a single setback does not define her future.
“Such errors distort reality and almost always paint a bleaker picture than warranted.”
Excessive worry can significantly hinder your ability to support your daughter. Anxiety driven by worry makes you more judgmental and critical, leading to catastrophic thinking. This, in turn, affects your problem-solving abilities and may prevent you from addressing current issues effectively. Instead of focusing on an uncertain future, concentrate on what can be done in the present to support her development.
Shifting Your Focus:
Shifting your focus from the distant future to the present is really important and helpful for both of you. Understand this is an important transitional stage where she will grow, change, and develop over time. What you see today is not a permanent state. By putting energy into addressing current issues and setting achievable goals, you can better support her progress. Acting as if, and telling her she is responsible and capable can also foster positive behavior and independence.
“Self-awareness and understanding your own triggers are key to distinguishing between your issues and your child’s needs.”
Here are a few more strategies for supporting your adult daughter:
- Ask yourself: What is the realistic likelihood of my worst fears coming true? Name them by writing them down. This brings them out of eternally mulling around in your mind.
- Reflect on how much of your worry is based on facts versus your imagination.
- Are you projecting your insecurities onto your daughter?
- Think about whether or not you are overgeneralizing or jumping to conclusions.
Supporting Your Adult Daughter With A Growth-Oriented Environment:
Additionally, taking care of yourself through activities like walking, yoga, or spending time in nature can help reduce anxiety. Self-awareness and understanding your own triggers are key to distinguishing between your issues and your child’s needs. This clarity allows you to provide the appropriate support and foster a healthy, growth-oriented environment for your daughter as she grows into an independent adult. Supporting your adult daughter does not have to come at your expense.
Did you enjoy this article? Become a Kuel Life Member today to support our Community. Sign-up for our Sunday newsletter and get your content delivered straight to your inbox.
About the Author:
Kim Muench (pronounced minch, like pinch with an “m”) is a Jai (rhymes with buy) Institute for Parenting Certified Conscious Parenting Coach who specializes in working with mothers of adolescents (ages 10+). Knowing moms are the emotional barometer in their families, Kim is passionate about educating, supporting and encouraging her clients to raise their children with intention and guidance rather than fear and control. Kim’s three plus decades parenting five children and years of coaching other parents empowers her to lead her clients into healthier, happier, more functional relationships with compassion and without judgment.
You can find out more about her mission and services at www.reallifeparentguide.com. She is on Facebook at Real Life Parent Guide, Instagram, and on LinkedIn as well.
