The Shame Game Of A Wildly Imperfect Life

Wildly Imperfect: Elaine Blais

I spend a lot of my life chasing perfection. Reaching the restlessness of midlife had me questioning where all these expectations came from.

This launched me into a life that is entirely unrecognizable today. I attribute much of this to the wisdom of age. However, there’s also a deeper sense of coming home to the woman I was always meant to be, sans perfectionism. Today was a perfect example of my wildly imperfect life.

The Shame Game Begins:

I was heading to my favorite coffee shop to write this article and tore the side step off Silver Girl, my RV. I did not do this with my bare hands of course. Turns out, I turned a corner too tightly and caught the step on a boulder in a neighbor’s yard. The boulder moved, but not enough to keep it from tearing the step off. Damn!

“So much of life up until now was mired in perfectionism for me. “

I’d been thinking of selling her. Maybe this is her way of letting me know she’s not ready to leave me yet.

The Weight Of Perfectionism:

So much of life up until now was mired in perfectionism for me. There was a time an incident like this would send me into a tailspin for days, or longer. As I’ve embraced my imperfect self and all of life’s messiness, I see now how deeply perfectionism is enmeshed with shame and the fear of rejection. 

Perfectionism isn’t about flawlessness. Nothing in this physical world is flawless. Rather, it’s a coping strategy ingrained in us through societal influences that criticize us for our imperfections as human beings. A constant barrage of messages in our environment pushes us to strive for unattainable ideals of beauty, youth, and happiness. We, however, have the power to embrace our true selves despite the pressure. 

As I turned the corner, and heard the grinding sound on the road, I knew something was wrong. I didn’t expect to find the van step lying on the ground. I was stunned at first. It took a few moments to take in what transpired. On one hand, I was irritated for not having taken a wider turn. But, it happened and I couldn’t change that now. I picked up the pieces and went on about my day.  

Gaming The Shame:

Beneath my conscious acceptance of the situation, the shame game began to surface. Memories of me, a young girl standing on the playground as the other kids pointed and laughed at the girl who wrecked the van. In tandem, I could hear the critical voices of my family. “What were you thinking? How could you let this happen?” Those old hurtful, shaming feelings came rushing back. 

Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar in your life?

As a life coach focusing on self-approval and transforming perceived imperfections into strengths, my training and expertise are essential when confronting my past traumas. We all have them. 

“Healing continues as we become the compassionate witness to our memories and pain. “

Although we carry these memories within our bodies, healing and embracing our true nature is possible. We begin to heal when we embrace our humanity and allow ourselves to be imperfect. It will likely feel unsettling and even disregulating at first. It’s important to take small steps, to breathe and move the body. 

Healing continues as we become the compassionate witness to our memories and pain. We can always continue to cope by chasing perfection to avoid it, but that’s a race we can’t win. The shame game hides around the corner. Moreover, it blinds us to the beauty of ourselves and hinders the growth and creativity that comes with facing our fears. Our perceived imperfections are part of what makes us whole.

An Imperfect Life Is A Beautiful Life:

Honestly, this incident was not a beautiful moment for me, and I’ve got some work to do to get this repaired before I reconsider selling the van. But the healing I experienced as a result is perfect. Observing myself being the observer of these old wounds; feeling them and releasing them was a remarkable and empowering moment. 

Choosing to embrace our imperfections in this wild adventure of life is a radical and courageous act of self-love. One that I’m here for – to embrace this beautifully imperfect human life in every wildly imperfect moment. This spiritual journey is about recognizing the sacredness in our flaws, the lessons in our mistakes, and the beauty in our unique, imperfect selves.

We honor our true selves by witnessing what is happening in these moments in our bodies and minds with curiosity and tenderness. We honor ourselves when we hold the child that was and the woman that is now in love and compassion. 

Moreover, we awaken, personally and spiritually, when we see our worth beyond societal expectations, and embrace our inner divinity. 

This acceptance brings peace, joy, and a deeper connection to ourselves, each other, and the universe. Our perceived imperfections are what make us beautifully human and divinely unique. There’s no shame game  in that. 

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About the Author:

Elaine Blais is Spiritual Life Coach, Imperfection Alchemist and author whose superpower is helping humans, primarily women, alchemize their perceived imperfections and turn them into strengths. Her signature program, The Art of Self-Approval™ is a pathway to breaking free from the chains of perfectionism and people-pleasing and unlocking your full potential. 

After a quarter century in the corporate grind, and years of struggling with co-dependency and self-doubt, Elaine decided to leave behind what was expected of her and transform into the woman she wanted to be. So, at fifty-nine, she decided to write a new chapter in her life, literally. Her debut book, 3 Secrets to a Kickass Life, is a manifesto for those looking to live with intention and purpose. Elaine believes you can write your own story too.