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Are We Too Focused On Orgasms?

Beth Keil June 2022

Sexuality Thought Leader: Beth Keil 


The word itself implies it comes before something else, like an appetizer that comes before the main course. In the case of sexual pleasure, that’s the INTERcourse.

“This one word groomed both women and men to focus on orgasm.”

A Penetration Prep Of Having Orgasm:

This one word groomed both women and men to focus on orgasm. It became THE main event of sexual connection, expression, and intimacy, particularly a man’s orgasm, as this tends to be when intimacy ends.

There’s also an assumption for hetero-sex – at some point, he’s expected to ejaculate.

Make Love Not War:

In the 1960s, this was an anthem of the times. Notice the difference between foreplay and making love.

One has a destination in mind while the other is more like a path, as it doesn’t suppose it comes before anything; these words are an open exploration as it has no beginning, middle, or end. Rather, it’s an invitation for pleasure!

“His focus was on what he could do, such as his technique and performance”

A Destination Lover:

Recently I had text conversations about sex with a man who is in his mid to late 30s. We had conversations about sex and sexuality before, but this one was eye-opening. It’s what led to this blog since men of various ages are also destination lovers.

He wanted to know how he could stay hard longer. He also had questions if there was something he could do about a women’s vaginal lubrication. His focus was on what he could do, such as his technique and performance; he didn’t understand that the key was emotional connection while enjoying pleasure together.

This man was curious. He took in what I shared, and when he didn’t understand the perspective I gave, he asked more questions.

I was mentoring him.

“Curiosity is needed as you explore the differences between foreplay and making love.”

Do You Need To Mentor?

If your lover/partner is orgasm-focused, then the answer is YES!

Mentoring is a means to provide support and input, and it’s critical to keep judgment out, or else everything will shut down fast! Curiosity is needed as you explore the differences between foreplay and making love.

When you mentor your lover, it means you share your thoughts, feelings, and desires as well. As a couple, you’ll need to create time for talking and sexual intimacy. How else will you create change?

Go With The Flow:

A place to start is to give yourselves unhurried time to just enjoy one another. This is a time to experience pleasure for the sake of pleasure and connection, as well as an expression of love. Imagine this as an improv, where intimacy is unscripted.

Acknowledge each other for every small change that’s made. When you both share what you enjoyed, it’s a way to encourage each other and create more pleasure together. This doesn’t mean quickies are out of the question, but just like a meal on the run, sometimes it’s great to sit down and enjoy a feast!

Here’s to Your Aphrodite Rising!

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Beth Keil

About the Author:

Beth Keil helps her clients change and transform their lives. She offers a special focus on helping people claim the birthright of their erotic identity and to live in the joy, intimacy, and connection it brings. Beth is a Registered Nurse, MindSet Coach, and a Board Certified Hypnotist. Through her work, she enjoys integrating all her interests, experiences, and skills to bring sensuality, sex, and the erotic into greater awareness and conversation. You can schedule a 30-minute complimentary phone consultation with Beth using the Discovery Session icon.