Connection Kuel Category Expert: Kay Newton
Donna struggled to come to terms with the fact that loneliness was an internal affair. Her children had recently flown the nest leaving her feeling empty and lost. She grieved the past and dreaded what the future held, which led her to overlook the most important of all – living in the Now. Can you relate? Midlife is not always ‘Kuel’, quite often it can feel downright cruel!
Being connected to others to overcome loneliness can only happen if you first connect to self. Yet how do you do this when you have no idea who you are? Donna had given over 20 years of her life to bring up her kids. She had worn so many hats (wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, cook, bottle washer, first aid nurse, taxi driver, sex kitten…) she no longer knew which hat suited her, in fact she was totally convinced it was time to start a new.
If you feel like Donna, here are Five ways to begin to connect to self during midlife.
Nothing will change unless you make time to change. Our thoughts create our feelings, which in turn lead to or actions and our reality. Making space to simply become aware of your thoughts and feelings, without blame, judgement or criticism is key to change.
Writing onto paper is a powerful way to acknowledge these thoughts and feelings. When you can see them in front of you, you can decide whether you wish to let these thoughts/feelings flow through you or you can replace them something different. Either way is perfectly okay.
Taking time to get curious will not kill you, you are not a cat! Curiosity about what is going on in your head, allows you to simplify any meaning you have created and gives you space to identify and describe them.
Support can be as simple as typing ‘connection to self’ into Google and doing some research. It does not have to be complicated. You may decide to choose a course either free and paid, to work both individually with a professional or in a group. It maybe a novel, self-development book, writing in a journal or asking a friend to have coffee with you for a chat.
Yet, the first place I recommend to look for support in finding yourself, is to connect with the Kuel forum. It is a safe environment with other like minded women who will share their own stories and advice. Take a look HERE
Find an activity that ignites a spark within you. You can do these alone, for example walking in nature, hugging a tree, watching a tiny insect or flower. You can brush your pet, dabble with art, listen to music or focus on making a new recipe. Think massage, bubble bath, curling up with a good book, watching a full length feature film or eating a piece of chocolate. Anything that ignites a spark.
As you do these activities you can also recall past positive events and the emotions they created within you. Turn to the memory of your chosen activity and to the wonderful feelings you created when times get tough and your spark is flickering.
If there is an activity you have always wanted to do yet never got around to it, now is the time. Start learning a new language, go to a salsa class, go to a new country, go skydiving – if you can dream it, you can do it. Challenge yourself to do these activities alone, in order to get to know the new you even quicker.
A quick and easy way to shift old patterns is to take two pieces of paper, name one ‘things I no longer want in my life’ and the other, ‘things I want in my life’. Write until you can write no more on either list, put it to one side and take a look 24 hours later. Do this over the space of a week until you are sure all has been recorded.
Utilizing the full or new moon cycles, create a mini ceremony and burn the negative list which will leave space in your life for the new list to shift into being. Do this exercise every month until you begin to connect to the person you want to become.
‘Sensibly Selfish’ is the art of taking time for yourself. It is not the time to worry about being selfish. Western society and religion have been fabulous at helping women beat themselves up when focusing on themselves. It is easy to feel ashamed and selfish which then leads to self-criticism record playing on repeat rather than the kindness recording. Such actions lead to negative consequences such as low self-esteem, anxiety and depression.
It is time to turn on being Sensibly Selfish. Think emergency aircraft drill – always put the oxygen mask on yourself first in order that you can help those you love the most. When you are oxygenated you send out the right vibrations to all of those around you and everyone is energized.
Through ‘Simplicity, Support, Spark, Shift, Self’ you can begin the process of connecting to self.
As for Donna, she knows this work is a priority and an ongoing process that will take some time. When the connection to self is stronger she will be confident and ready to connect to others. What about you? Why not share your thoughts and comments or story below.
About the Author:
Kay is the founder of Midlife Strategies, an award-winning International Speaker, and enthusiastic author. She is an acknowledged expert guiding women to find their mojo, through the Midlife Squeeze.
Kay’s books include:
- ‘The Art of Midlife Stress Busting – Seven Steps to Declutter Your Mind Without Pills or Potions’
- ‘How to Clean Your Home Organically – De-Stress Your Surroundings’
- ‘Tips and Tricks For Stress-Free Downsizing – A Step by Step Guide to Moving On’
- Co-author of the six Kindle books in the ‘Quick Fix For’ series, and a contributing author to ‘Hot Women Rock’ and ‘A Journey of Riches’.
Today, Kay lives a simple life next to a beach in Mallorca, Spain. You can find Kay here: www.KayNewton.com.