Kim Muench, Becoming Me Thought Leader
“HELP! My college kids have been home for two weeks and we’ve already got major issues at home.”
“It starts with my college kids fighting over the car they have to share and continues with their coming and going whenever they please. I find myself not sleeping enough as it is, due to menopause. And worrying about my aging parents…now I seem to be running a Holiday Inn on top of it. I need some guidance on how to deal with my college kids home for the summer months.”
College Kids Fighting At Home:
I find myself laughing, not at you of course, because as a 55-year-old mom of two college kids home for summer, I can totally relate.
There has to be some humor in thinking once we got them to a certain age/stage we would be able to get some decent sleep. But alas, we are now dealing with night sweats and parents who are getting too forgetful to be living on their own.
“A personal boundary is a limit or rule that people set for themselves in relationships…”
Listen, you have to set some personal boundaries and make them known to your kids. What are these you ask? Something many moms gave up long ago…if they ever had them at all.
Personal Boundary Examples:
A personal boundary is a limit or rule that people set for themselves in relationships, which can help them feel comfortable around others. In the situation you describe, your personal boundaries may include:
- I need my sleep so if you won’t be home, please text me and let me know where you are staying. When I wake up at three am and see the car not home I worry and can’t get back to sleep.
- The same goes for making eggs and bacon any time after one am. I can’t sleep with the noise and smell of breakfast going on down the hallway. If you’re hungry, on the way home grab Taco Bell and eat quietly please, no one likes a crabby mom.
- The two of you have shared a car for the past three years. Work schedules are the priority in summer. If one of you needs to work and the other needs the car, the guy who needs the car drives the other to/from work before using the car. Take turns completely filling the tank. I will no longer be listening to the two of you argue about who used more gas or why you never get to use the car. If I hear you continuing to argue about these things I will take the car away completely.
Share Your Boundaries:
The tone of voice you use to share your boundaries is just as important as what you say. You need to speak with 100% confidence, clarity, calm, and consistency. No controlling tone in your voice. This is about you, not about trying to control their behavior. This is the biggest mistake parents of emerging adults make. You cannot control them you can control how you show up and engage in this relationship. And don’t say anything you will not stand behind. Your words and your actions need to be in alignment.
Good luck! Remember, summer break is only 10 more weeks at best, lol. How bad can the college kids fighting at home be?
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About the Author:
Kim Muench (pronounced minch, like pinch with an “m”) is a Jai (rhymes with buy) Institute for Parenting Certified Conscious Parenting Coach who specializes in working with mothers of adolescents (ages 10+). Knowing moms are the emotional barometer in their families, Kim is passionate about educating, supporting and encouraging her clients to raise their children with intention and guidance rather than fear and control. Kim’s three plus decades parenting five children and years of coaching other parents empowers her to lead her clients into healthier, happier, more functional relationships with compassion and without judgment.
You can find out more about her mission and services at www.reallifeparentguide.com. She is on Facebook at Real Life Parent Guide, Instagram, and on LinkedIn as well.
