Sexuality Thought Leader: Beth Keil
What do you do when you and your lover are apart, and all you want is to be with them?
When your body gets excited just at the thought of their touch, their taste, and the feel of their body? You yearn to connect with them in every way possible way, longing to be one!
Even when your lover lives in your imagination, notice how you still experience such longings.
Dr. Candace Pert, a renowned neuroscientist and pharmacologist said, “Since emotions run every system in the body, don’t underestimate their power to treat and heal.”
“Even when your lover lives in your imagination, notice how you still experience such longings.”
The power of love’s chemistry even has the power to change our perceptions, and with it, your needs, wants, and desires, since all are based on your perceptions and emotions.
It becomes easy for your sense of boundaries and who you are to dissolve, so it’s hard to notice differences, even potential conflicts.
There’s a type of dissolving, especially in a budding romantic relationship, that shows up when you say you like something you don’t. You go along with it because you like them, and you want them to like you!
Then, comes the moment of truth – one of you speaks up! Now, instead of being hidden, differences appear as if out of thin air.
Differences + Conflict ≠ Danger:
This moment is an important stage in relationships, and needs to happen for relationships to deepen. But many of us have been led to believe that differences are a danger to love, security, chemistry, and intimacy.
But it’s our uniqueness and individuality that give rise to our differences!
Instead, differences are opportunities to share and explore the diverse perspectives and understanding each of us have. They are gateways that expand the world, larger than what we see through our own eyes. In truth, they are something to celebrate!
“Without relationships, healing is impossible!”
The Healing Nature Of Differences And Conflict:
When differences are perceived (even unconsciously) as a danger or threat, there’s more going on under the surface. What we bring into relationships, our relationship template was put in place at a very young age; you can learn more about these templates in my November blog.
What we don’t recognize is the relationship is designed to bring up deep-held fears, making healing possible. Without relationships, healing is impossible!
Chemistry And Intimacy, A Different Dissolving:
Imagine a chocolate vanilla swirl ice cream cone; the colors are intimately intertwined, and yet separate at the same time. Notice how some of the licks you take, the colors are distinct and you notice the differences in their taste. Then, there are licks where they’re blended, creating something new, as both the color and tastes intermingle!
In this kind of dissolving each of you is you, and together, there’s a third person created – WE.nHere you retain your differences and celebrate them! Together you explore the world through one another’s perspectives and experiences, appreciating what each of you brings. Your relationship becomes a judgment-free space.
And, there’s the intermingling as well. You become attuned to each other. It shows up, for example, when you hand them the salt shaker before they ask for it.
“if there were only a few flavors to choose from, food and eating would both be pretty boring.”
Doing It In A Wonderful Luscious Way:
You can start creating chemistry and intimacy right now with these 3 steps:
- Come from a place of curiosity right from the start.
Any judgments you make, whether you think them or say them aloud, will shut down your listening and their sharing.
- Think of uniqueness and individuality like spices and flavors in the foods you eat.
You don’t think of spices as good or bad but in terms of preferences. Appreciate uniqueness and individuality the same way! Keep in mind, if there were only a few flavors to choose from, food and eating would both be pretty boring. So, it is in our relationships.
- What might this other person open up in your life?
What new experiences might they offer you? What new ways might you see the world, feel about yourself, dare to do … the possibilities are endless!! Remember, there’s a whole world to explore with and through another person!
About the Author:
Beth Keil helps her clients change and transform their lives. She offers a special focus on helping people claim the birthright of their erotic identity and to live in the joy, intimacy, and connection it brings. Beth is a Registered Nurse, MindSet Coach, and a Board Certified Hypnotist. Through her work, she enjoys integrating all her interests, experiences, and skills to bring sensuality, sex, and the erotic into greater awareness and conversation. You can schedule a 30-minute complimentary phone consultation with Beth using the Discovery Session icon.