Guest Blogger: Sixty And The City
“The Boyfriend I Ordered Is Currently Out Of Stock”
My original post was going to center on the insane on-line dating rules in the 21st century but while I was thinking about that, I came upon the above title printed on a tee shirt and thought, holy gee, why didn’t I think of that?
Whether one is 25, 45 or 60+, we really are all looking for that special someone but – and this is the big but, the one we want appears to be “currently out of stock”.
Think about that for a minute. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist, he is just not available now so we all try to make the best of the good, the bad and the ARE YOU KIDDING ME until the one that we ordered is back in stock.
OK, I can hear the naysayers already saying the usual crapola about; ‘no one is perfect’, ‘you’re not getting any younger’, ‘if someone hits 50% of what’s on one’s wish list and the person is nice, that’s good enough’. How’s about HELL NO? Am I being unrealistic? Perhaps, on some level, but bottom line is why pick someone just because he is available so “heaven forbid,” I’m not alone? BTW, I am in no way underestimating the value of someone who is nice.
Clearly, Prince Charming, of the fairy tales, is not what I’m asking for or wanting but I don’t want ‘meh’ so I don’t have to go to a wedding, GOD FORBID, alone. I have always been able to make my own party at whatever social function I attend. If that means dancing with the other women or with my kids or some ancient uncle, who cares? Yes, going with a “date” would definitely be nice but not one who is a place holder for the guy I really should be with. BTW, I know it’s lovely to go with someone because I have gone to many social occasions with a date and even a significant other and it’s often been quite delightful.
Sidebar: several years ago, when my eldest daughter was getting married, every damn time I went food shopping, some yenta or other came up to me to ask the same damn question. “WHO ARE YOU TAKING TO THE WEDDING?”
Apparently, I was missing something important. I hadn’t given it one bit of thought. Between the caterer, the florist, my ex-husband being a pain in the ass, my dress not fitting and oh yes, best of all my dropped lid from my botox, and the equally fabulous hives that came and went intermittently from extreme wedding anxiety, the date thing had never entered my mind.
Clearly, if I was dating someone of consequence, then of course, I would have been thrilled to have him at my daughter’s wedding but at the time, I wasn’t. After yenta #10 asked me the same god-damn question, I had to restrain myself from slapping her upside of the head in the middle of the produce aisle at Shoprite. In what I thought was a totally civilized tone, I answered her sweetly, that my having a date was not even on my radar.
I tried to explain to this woman that I was really on cloud 9 or whatever cloud is the happy one just because I felt so lucky to be there to see my child get married to a wonderful young man from a lovely family and to celebrate this incredibly joyful event with all the people whom I hold dear including my very ancient father; who up until the last day was insisting he wasn’t coming because who “wanted to see an old man in a wheelchair? DON’T ASK! Does that answer why I had hives?? LOLOLOL
Did she really think I had the time or energy to think about the BS of not having a guy on my arm to dance with. When did it become 1956?
Believe it or not, I actually knew a neighborhood woman, who faced with the prospect of going to her child’s wedding alone, picked one of the notorious worst putzes around and not only took him but married him. NO KIDDING!! She confirmed this story several years later when she told me that he was a bad guy(real newsflash) and that she had divorced him within the year.
OY, the sidebar is longer than the whole post. Bottom line is you’re not alone when you are with the people whom you love. You do not need to feel pressured to “settle” for Mr. Not, when someone wonderful could be right around the corner or whatever the cliche is.
Keep trying, go on those dates, EXCEPT COFFEE, and when you least expect it, out of the shadows, lumbering towards you through the mist is some nice guy who hits more than the 50% of your wish list. A very dear friend of mine told me that 50% was just good enough; good enough has never worked for me and it’s not going to work now.