Loneliness – The Silent Epidemic: 5 Ways To Fight Aloneness And Isolation

Women’s Health: Michelle Zive

I’ve felt lonely most of my life. I grew up in a family who was more interested in living in denial than seeing the truth. I, on the other hand, was committed to holding up the mirror to my dad’s alcoholism and my mother’s enabling, as well as the burden I felt as the caretaker.

Throughout My Childhood And Beyond:

I’m the oldest daughter who was born ten months after my 19-year-old mom and 22-year-old dad were married. My sister was born 14 months later, and my brother five years after me when we moved back to San Diego from Florida. My dad left the Navy as an officer and pilot and began his 19 career and sobriety journey. 

Throughout my childhood and beyond, I kept asking, “Don’t you see what’s going on here?” I felt like a black sheep. I felt invisible. I felt like something was wrong with me. This would play out with friends from elementary to high school, and even in my first marriage. I didn’t feel connected.

“I felt like a black sheep. I felt invisible.”

Feeling Lonely Due To Covid:

In 2017, the U.S. Surgeon General warned us about the growing rate of loneliness and its impact on our well-being. And in 2018, the U.K. appointed a Minister of Loneliness to “take action to address the loneliness endured by the elderly, by carers, by those who have lost loved ones—people who have no one to talk to or share their thoughts and experiences with [1].”

It’s no surprise this happened during the time Britain exited the European Union. More disconnection. While we were just beginning to address loneliness and disconnection, COVID swooped in and said, “You weren’t paying attention.” Because of COVID, we became even more disconnected by staying at home, masking, and not touching each other.

We no longer came together in our workplace, with families, at social events, in restaurants, or in a myriad of other ways we used to be together. 

Loneliness Due To Lack Of Connection And Community:

In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community published a report on “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation [2].” Here are some facts:

• Lacking social connection is as dangerous as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
• Loneliness and poor social relationships were associated with a 29% increase risk of heart disease and a 32% increase in the risk of a stroke.
• The involvement of and support of family members has shown to improve the disease management and the health of people with type 1 and type 2 diabetes.
• Chronic loneliness and social isolation can increase the risk of developing dementia by approximately 50% in older adults.
• Social connection increases the odds of survival by 50%.

“COVID only exacerbated these feelings of loneliness and isolation.”

Loneliness And Social Isolation:

For middle-aged women living in the U.S., studies show we report high levels of loneliness and social isolation. Why? Because we are particularly vulnerable due to life transitions such as children leaving home, divorce, widowhood, or caring for aging parents.

Here are other societal pressures that create loneliness: living in an anti-aging culture, physical health issues (menopause and chronic health issues like arthritis and diabetes), and mental health issues (depression and anxiety are linked to loneliness). COVID only exacerbated these feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Sisters, I ain’t gonna lie to you. Perimenopause and menopause sucked for me. I thought I was going crazy. I cried for a year before Molly, my oldest, went to college. I had horrible periods that two tampons and a pad could not quell. I gained weight and looked like SpongeBob SquarePants. I went to a psychiatrist because of my depression and anxiety, and I scored an 18 out of 20 for these symptoms. 

I turned things around through anti-anxiety medication, writing, surrounding myself with people who adore me, and loving myself first and foremost. 

5 Ways To Feel Less Lonely And Isolated:

1. Practice Self-Devotion:

It’s about darn time you start focusing on what fills you up. Take a bubble bath, read that romance novel, and breathe deeply.  Remind yourself what a badass you are by practicing positive affirmations. 

2. Connect With Others:

Reach out to your loved ones, even if it’s for a quick text or phone call. Join an in-person group or online community that are aligned with your interests and values. Share your story of loneliness with other women. You’ll find that most of us feel the same.

3. Get Creative:

Write in a journal about your thoughts, emotions, dreams, and rants. Or pick up a paint brush, knitting needles, or a spatula to paint, knit, or cook, respectively.

4. Focus On Personal Growth:

Learn something new. Pick up a hobby or enroll in an online course to expand your mind and build new skills. 

“Pick up a hobby or enroll in an online course to expand your mind and build new skills. “

5. Volunteer or Help Others:

You are needed. There are many organizations and places where you can volunteer. Love dogs? Volunteer at a dog shelter. Miss your mom? Volunteer at a retirement home or assisted living facility. Mentor another woman. Share your experiences and wisdom to create a meaningful relationship and help a woman propel in her life. 

Yes, there are a lot of stories and cultural “expectations” for us to remain isolated. These narratives shame us. We have the power to disrupt these stories by connecting to ourselves and each other. It’s a journey and one we should be the author of. 

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