Midlife & Beyond Dating: Illa Lynn
Being single during the holidays can magnify longing and quiet ache—but it can also become a powerful season of self-connection, reflection, and inner peace.
Season of Light and Quiet Ache
During the holidays, everything is magnified: joy, nostalgia, longing. For the single woman, it can feel like the world is wrapped in togetherness, while she stands quietly in her own company, happy but also sad. She wonders if anyone sees the ache behind her smile. Does anyone care, truly, how this time of the year makes her feel?
This was a case for me as I found myself yet another winter holiday season, unattached.
You tell yourself it’s no big deal, but as you watch couples holding hands strolling holiday markets and malls, images and greeting cards from families in matching pajamas, and commercials whispering that love always comes wrapped in red ribbons and shared cocoa, you wonder when it will be your time.
If this resonates with you this holiday season, I want to share something that helped me weather the holidays and get into a positive mindset for the New Year. See, there is a different kind of love that rarely gets celebrated. It is the love that lives quietly within you. The one that whispers: “You belong, and all happens in time, my dear.”
Taking a Moment to Reflect
There is a sacred stillness to this season if you dare to allow it. There’s a pause between who you were and who you are becoming.
Yes, you might have lost things this year, and some plans didn’t unfold as you envisioned, but that’s life. Maybe the holidays aren’t here to remind you of what’s missing; maybe they’re here to show you what remains.
The strength that carried you through the heartbreak.
Wisdom that now lives where confusion once was.
The capacity to feel deeply and choose hope despite all the challenges that test your faith.
You are not behind. You are simply in a quiet chapter at the moment. It’s the chapter that asks for gentleness and rest, not goals and pursuits.
Sometimes, coming home for the holidays means coming home to your own heart and connecting with the love within yourself.
The Myth of “Having It All Together”
Let’s be honest, we live in a world of pressure, comparison, and competition. The expectation to always be happy and have it all together is simply not sustainable long-term, if we are completely honest. The pressure to appear polished and put-together all the time, when you feel anything but, is not only inauthentic, it is damaging in more ways than you can imagine.
Here is the truth: no one speaks out loud, so I will. Peace doesn’t come from pretending and keeping up appearances. It comes from presence, and from letting yourself be exactly where you are and who you are, without apology or need to explain.
You don’t have to “fake being festive.” You don’t owe anyone a performance.
You can be both grateful and grieving, joyful and tender, hopeful and healing.
Contradictions don’t make you broken; they make you a beautiful human being who is real. And that, my dear one, is what makes you rare.
Redefining Celebration
Maybe this year, the celebration looks different. Maybe it’s not loud laughter around a crowded table but rather soft music, candlelight, a glass of wine with a journal full of reflections.
Maybe it’s volunteering, or cooking your favorite meal for one, or watching the sunrise wrapped in a blanket. This is not because you’re lonely, but because you’ve learned to enjoy the bliss of being in your own company.
You’re not waiting for the next chapter to feel alive or for the next person to fill your time. You’re living it now, quietly rewriting what joy, love, and happiness mean to you.
“You don’t have to be chosen to be cherished. You can be the love you’ve been waiting for.”
And that is Enough.
The Sacred Work of Coming Home
Coming home to yourself means remembering that love was never something you had to chase. It was always something you were made of, but didn’t dare to take up space and show it.
It’s learning to sit with your heart in tenderness and strength.
To nurture yourself with the same care you bestow on all others.
To permit yourself to rest in your own light, peacefully and warmly.
There is a quiet miracle in realizing that the peace you seek doesn’t live in someone else’s presence, but in your own acceptance.
Being Single During the Holidays: When Quiet Feels Louder Than Joy
So when the world glitters with togetherness, and you find yourself sipping hot cocoa alone, know this: You are Love. You are warmth. You are the light and heartbeat of your own life.
And in time, someone will join your table and get the privilege to be with the amazing woman who has already found herself and isn’t afraid to let others in. She welcomes this experience, not because she is lonely, but because she has a surplus of love within that she can generously share with others.
Love doesn’t skip your house this season just because it may look and feel different. When you keep your Heart open, magic unfolds right before your eyes.
Wishing you a beautiful Holiday Season and New Year!
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About the Author:
Illa Lynn is an award-winning relationship life coach, author, and speaker. With over 20 years of expertise in healthcare, psychology and human behavior, she helps women reconnect within, heal from toxic patterns, and create healthy, lasting love. As the author of Uncover Authentic You and co-author of Rising Above Abuse, Illa brings wisdom, compassion and boldness to guide you in designing your best life and relationships. Follow Illa on LinkedIn In or visit her Website www.authenticloveconnection.com
