Midlife Dating: Laurie Gerber
Dating confidence for women over 50 doesn’t start with a great match; it starts with learning to take up space, trust your voice, and show up like the main character.
Practices To Build Real Dating Confidence For Women Over 50:
If you’re a woman over 50 and haven’t tried at least seven of the 10 ideas below, you may be missing out on your true “Main Character Era.”
This era is all about stepping into the lead role of your own story. It’s the season where you learn yourself inside and out, tune in to your authentic voice, and actually use it. With clarity and confidence, you take center stage, and you don’t shy away from being seen.
As a dating coach for women in midlife, I guide clients to embrace their main character energy by breaking long-standing habits like minimizing their needs, putting themselves last, or giving too much away. Dating after 50 is the perfect invitation to stop playing small and step boldly into your starring role.
Choose one of the practices from the list below right away, and aim to complete at least seven this year; you’ll be amazed at how quickly your dating life transforms into main character magic.
1. Look At Yourself In The Mirror And Say Only Kind Words:
You cannot be the star of your own story if your self-talk is sad or mean. The first step toward main character dating is claiming kindness toward yourself, every single day.
When you’re washing yourself in your shower, do you touch each part of your body lovingly, thanking it for how it serves you and enables all the great things in your life (your arms to hug your grandkids, your feet to walk you to concerts and the gym, your neck to look around and find the sunset)?
When you’re looking in the mirror do you think “hey, beautiful”? Or do you nitpick every little thing? If it’s the latter, not cool! Your relationship with yourself is the most important one, so it’s time to start talking to yourself like someone you love, and you have a chance every time you pass a mirror..
2. Achieve The Physical Strength And Flexibility You Desire:
Your body is not a side character. Part of the road to self-love and enjoying looking at and feeling good in your body involves sculpting your body to be how you want it.
It’s striking to me how much simply adding two or three strength-building sessions into your week can catapult a woman’s confidence as a dater (while improving her health and longevity, too!)
3. Become The Master Of Your Bad Habits:
We all have them. Whether it’s alcohol, the wrong foods, spending, or internet use, sometimes our bad habits become the main character in our lives, instead of us!
By mastering bad habits, you start running your own life instead of letting your habits run you. This shift causes you to attract a higher caliber of person and easily detect someone who is not right for you.
The trust you build with yourself unavoidably sets you up for better trust in your next relationship.
4. Learn To Admit “Bad” Qualities With Zero Shame:
This is real-world confidence. If you follow my 3-date strategy, you’re going to be revealing the truth about yourself pretty early in dating. So you’d best know how to talk about even the harder things!
When you own your quirks with humor, it shows you’ve done the prep work. The right match for you will love the whole of you, not just the polished parts.
5. Take Yourself Out On An Awesome Date:
To be a confident dater, you have to know what you like and be happy in your own company. Start to make it a habit to take yourself out. Dinner, a concert, or a first-time visit to a new gallery—whatever makes you feel like a special person. Treat yourself as the main character.
Oh, and now that you are out on the town, put your phone down, look up, and smile. There are other single people all around you!
6. Learn What You Like In Bed And How To Talk About It:
How are you going to teach someone else what you like, if you don’t even know? Of course, a healthy sex life with another person means “sharing the spotlight,” but before you do “scene study” with a partner, you have to do your own homework!
A healthy relationship also depends on open dialogue about sex and intimacy.
7. Forgive Yourself For Past Mistakes:
Getting ready to date entails a lot of preparation, but there is a finish line. Don’t skip healing your past. The pain of past relationships needs to be alchemized into timeless lessons.
You will need to fully clarify what went wrong and grant yourself forgiveness to heal and move on. You will want to tell your loved ones what you learned so they can help you remember not to make the same mistakes again. Accountability and teamwork are essential to happy dating.
8. Create A Playlist Of Songs That Inspires You:
Every day life needs joy woven into its fabric. Your playlist is more than music; it’s a reminder that good things are always available. It keeps your spirit light, which is irresistible in the dating scene.
And once you develop your practice of getting on the dating sites or getting ready for a video chat or a date, your playlist will be a very important part of your getting psyched up ritual.
9. Write Out What You Desire For Your Love Life:
Clarity attracts. So write out what you want. The person you are looking for needs to make sense for your:
➡️Head: The person’s life and your life need to be able to intertwine easily: do you want the same things when it comes to geographical location, time spent, monogamy, family, fun, intimacy?
➡️Heart: You have to feel good with the person. How does someone earn your trust and make you feel comfortable and safe?
And…
➡️Hoo-ha: There needs to be chemistry. What causes that for you? Is it a look, a smell, swagger, the kind of kissing, eye contact, or confidence?
You’d be amazed at how important it is to write this out, and how quickly it will then start to show up in your world. You can pick a few things in each of the “H” category and start cultivating the belief that you will find the person who meets your needs in all three.
10. Surround Yourself With Women Who Listen & Cheer Your Success:
No one thrives in isolation. This is why you are here reading this blog, right? You are not alone! And you’ll do way better at remaining in main character mode in dating if you are surrounded by like-minded women!
Your like-minded friends and allies keep you grounded and remind you of the most important things: staying true to what you desire, saying no quickly when it’s not a match, and having fun in the whole process.
You’re not here to play background to anyone else’s story. What it means to enter the main character era: You’re here to shine, to attract the right partner, and to step fully into being YOU.
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About the Author:
Laurie Gerber is a love and dating coach with 20 years of experience working with couples, individuals and groups. She’s been featured widely in print, on TV, radio, podcasts and been the resident love expert at Match, Zoosk, Jdate, and more. Laurie shares free training here. Her dating advice can be found at lauriegerber.com.
